Not too long ago, in a place right here on Earth, the very notion of a person using a sex toy if they were in a relationship seemed, well, a little strange. Not strange in a bad way, of course, but strange in a bit of a judgmental way. The thinking seemed to be: Why do you need to masturbate if you’re getting action from your partner? What also followed, at least back in the day, was the fear from some partners that using a sex toy during masturbation would somehow give them competition. Because, let’s be honest, when you have, say, the vibrating sensation of the Le Wand Point Mini Vibrator (my personal fave at the moment) all cozied up against the clit, perineum, or other erogenous zones, it makes for one hell of a delicious ride.
But just because something is delicious and delivers pleasure literally in the palm of your hand, that doesn’t mean human partners all of a sudden become secondary. In fact, even if the sex toys aren’t being used in bed with a partner and are mostly being used for masturbation, the relationship is better for it. More masturbation leads to a greater understanding of what we want sexually, and our sex life with our partner truly benefits from it. However, myths still remain, so let’s debunk a few, shall we?
Myth #1: “If My Partner Masturbates, I Will Become Obsolete.”
First of all, no. Second of all, NO. That’s simply not how things work. It’s important to note that masturbation isn’t always about sex and sexual feelings. Some masturbate, whether with their hand, a vibrator, the showerhead — or a whole boatload of things depending on how creative you want to be — because they’re stressed, bored, can’t sleep, need a morning pick-me-up, or to give their mental health a boost from oxytocin that’s released when we orgasm. And while some have sex with their partner for the same reason, the fact remains that a masturbating partner will not make the other partner obsolete. Relationships, after all, are about more than sex.
Myth #2: “Sex Toy Use Will Make You No Longer Interested in Having Sex With A Person.”
Although there’s certainly a different level of power between a vibrating toy and a finger or tongue, as well as a variety of patterns that a partner probably can’t deliver, that doesn’t mean that using a sex toy every time you masturbate is going to make you prefer a sex toy to your partner. While there’s no denying that humans are creatures of habit, when it comes to sex and sex-related things, variety is truly the spice of life. You may find that some days you crave the vibration of a vibrator, then the Pleasure Air technology of the Womanizer Premium the next day, then the tongue of your partner the following day. There’s no one way to experience pleasure and in having the options of a sex toy and your partner, you have the best of both worlds.
Myth #3: “Masturbation will lower my desire to get intimate with a partner.”
On the contrary, the more you masturbate the more you’ll want to be intimate with your partner — seriously! The reason for this is that when you’re having regular orgasms, your sex drive is higher than if you’re not having regular orgasms, so you’ll want more sex because of all these regular orgasms you’ll be experiencing during masturbation. How many people have had one orgasm and didn’t immediately think, “Um, I could definitely go for another and another and another?” When your body and brain are revved up from regular masturbation, you’re basically primed at all times, which makes your desire for your partner revved up too.
Myth #4: “When Someone Masturbates, It’s A Sign That They’re Not Sexually Satisfied By Their Partner.”
In the same vein of a partner becoming obsolete simply because one partner regularly masturbates and has a drawer full of goodies to make that experience even more tantalizing, just because your partner masturbates, it doesn’t mean they’re dissatisfied in their sex life with you. Like, not at all — and this can’t be stressed enough. Again, masturbation doesn’t have to be rooted in sexual desire. Orgasms have an endless list of benefits to them and, in addition to that, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to indulge in some one-on-one time. As much as one might want to satisfy their partner and be satisfied by them, sometimes a person just needs and wants to get off. It says nothing about your sex life with your partner or even your relationship in general.
Myth #5: “Using A Toy To Get Off Is Cheating On Your Partner.”
I have come across this one far too often — and with friends who should really know better. One friend came home to find her partner using a vibrator and immediately labeled it “cheating.” But is it cheating when it’s a sex toy or their own hand? If that’s how some of us are now defining the word “cheating,” then we really need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at what the word really means. Because, masturbation, no matter how you do it, is definitely not cheating, and if you or your partner see it as such, then it’s time to sit down and talk about what counts as cheating in your relationship and what doesn’t.
The takeaway for this round of Masturbation Mythbusting? No matter who’s masturbating in the relationship — or if one is doing it more than the other or one partner isn’t doing it at all — the fact remains that it’s a good thing. Masturbation can only enhance a relationship and sexual intimacy. So embrace your solo pleasure time and let your partner do the same. There are only benefits to be had by all.