Masturbation Mythbusting: All Things Anal

Something I love about butts (and there are many things) is that we all have one. It’s a universal pleasure zone, something we can all enjoy, no matter your gender or anatomy.

It’s an inclusive concept that we all seemed to understand centuries ago in 2300 B.C.E. to 100 C.E., when the Babylonians and Grecians (and soon after, the Romans) lived their best lives and fucked anyone they wanted. But that would come to an end in the early 1200s, when religion introduced shame to the bedroom and to our assholes.

As churches became a more powerful entity in society, this shame was amplified to the point that anal sex (“sodomy”) was against the law. If you can believe it, the law considers anal sex a “perverted sexual act” and is still illegal in 12 states across America. The ACLU confidently asserts that these laws are inextricably linked to homophobia. And they have receipts.

Considering the above, it’s safe to say that anal stimulation is still shrouded in a thick fog of stigma. And as a result, there is an abundance of misinformation out there. So let’s clear some of that up right now.

MYTH #1: You need to douche.

One of the biggest misconceptions about anal play is that you’re entering the area where poop is stored, which more or less guarantees a messy experience. This isn’t true. The rectum, which is anywhere from six to nine inches long, is merely a point of passage for your poop, but is where the majority of toys and penises come in contact with.

Where stool is actually stored is a place called the sigmoid colon, which lives just above the rectum, on a right degree angle. This area is closed off by part of our anatomy known as the rectosigmoid junction, otherwise known as the “second hole” among anal enthusiasts. Think of it like a valve that naturally opens when it’s time to go number two.

The only way someone could reach the sigmoid colon is with an exceptionally large toy, penis, or fist. People who engage in more extreme anal play will often douche, because they will be stimulating this area. (On that note: Shower douches, while popular, are a big no-no, as they don’t often regulate water pressure.)

All of this is to say that as long as you keep the rectum free of feces, you shouldn’t experience any mess. You can help accomplish this by eating a diet rich in fibre (FYI: fiber supplements are a God-send if you engage regularly) and avoid trigger-foods like: coffee, red meat, alcohol and spicy things 24 to 48 hours before the action. That means no Chipotle for you, bb!

Besides diet, if you use the bathroom an hour before intercourse and rinse off in the shower afterward, you should be good to go.

If you want to double-check, lube your finger, put it up your ass and feel around for any pesky lingerers. Just make sure your nails are trimmed because, like a Cancer listening to Evermore, the skin in that area is mighty sensitive.

But of course, nothing is foolproof and shit happens from time to time. So if and when it happens to you, don’t make a big deal of it. Make a decision to clean up and continue, or reschedule. It’s no biggie!

MYTH #2: You use it, you loose it.

People seem to think that because our assholes don’t have the same elasticity or lubricity of a vagina that if we engage in regular anal intercourse, we will be left with a wrinkled, cavernous hole. This isn’t true!

The reality is that our anal sphincter is four times stronger than what’s required for its intended purpose (to hold in poop), which means we can afford to lose some elasticity in the area.

In fact, the slight reduction in anal resting tone (which gauges the tightness of the muscle when it isn’t being used) that can occur from anal sex makes the act easier and more comfortable in the future. Even then, the muscle is still much tighter than what is required to function.

Most people who experience loss of function tend to enjoy exceptionally large toys or engage in more extreme acts like fisting, which, if done unsafely, can cause the muscle to loosen beyond repair. More often than not, these people know these potential repercussions.

As long as you use plenty of lube, take your time, and stop and reassess when things get painful, you’re doing everything you can to prevent damaging your precious hole.

MYTH #3: Anal play is gay.

Imagine thinking that playing with a part of your anatomy––one that houses a powerhouse of pleasure, no less––has any impact on your masculinity and who you find sexually attractive?

Unfortunately, due to relentless societal conditioning, homophobia and religion, that’s the way many heterosexual men regard anal sex. But thankfully, that’s beginning to change.

Research from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found people’s opinions about anal sex really started to change around the mid-2000s. Back in ‘92, only 20 percent of women and 26 percent of men ages 18–59 had tried anal sex. In 2008, sixteen years later, 39 percent of women and 44 percent of men ages 15–44 had given it a try.

More recently, a nation-wide survey by Future Method found that 72 percent of Americans have engaged in anal sex, and that straight-identifying folks engage nearly twice a month.

What’s more, the survey revealed that 10 percent of straight Americans have tried pegging, suggesting that female-identifying partners may be taking the dominant role when engaging in anal sex with their male-identifying partners. Now that’s progress!

So while these archaic anal perspectives are still present today, they’re becoming less and less prevalent as people continue opening their minds and holes to the pleasures of anal stimulation. It’s a classic tale of: don’t knock it ‘till you try it!

MYTH #4: Anal only feels good for prostate-owners.

Because people with penises have a prostate and people born with vulvas don’t, it’s assumed that only the former can derive pleasure from anal play. Well guess what? That’s not true either.

In fact, there are a ton of pleasurable nerve-endings in the area and both the G-spot and A-spot (which, for those who may not know, is roughly two inches higher than the G-spot) can be accessed from the rectum via the shared wall between the vagina and the rectum.

The clitoris can be stimulated from anal sex as well. While many perceive the clitoris as a tiny nub nestled on top of the labia, there is a lot we don’t see. (As wild as it sounds, we didn’t fully understand the anatomy of the clitoris until 2005, and who’s to say there isn’t more we’re going to learn?). The clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone, with “legs” extending all the way down to the anus. This is the part of the clitoris that can be stimulated through anal play.

ONE LAST THING: Believe in your butt.

It’s worth noting (yet again) that these myths only exist because of undue stigma. Once you take it upon yourself to start learning about and exploring the pleasures of the anus, the less intimidated you’ll be.

Generally speaking, you should approach anal sex as you would any type of sex: with an open mind, the proper tools, a willingness to explore, and, if you’re not going at it solo, a partner you can trust.

Masturbation Mythbusting: All Things Anal by Bobby Box originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Mini Vibes

So, let’s start with a quick class review.

What even is a vibrator?

A vibrator is a sex toy and pleasure product used to arouse hot spots on the body in times of sexual play via the transmission of vibrations. This could look like anything from a wand, to a vibrating dildo, to a rabbit vibrator, and the list could go on forever.

There are also all kinds of subcategories of vibrators, one of them being mini vibrators (or “mini vibes”).

Mini vibes are just smaller versions of an average-sized vibrator to be used for different settings or experiences. When you google “mini vibrator”, you’ll likely get a page full of links to bullet vibrators, as these are the most commonly seen and most publicized. But it is DEFINITELY NOT the only kind.

Just like a regular-sized vibrator comes in all different shapes and sizes, so do mini vibes!

So when I hear people say things like:

  1. “ALL MINI VIBRATORS ARE THE SAME” or “I WON’T FIND ONE FOR ME”,

I know that whoever is saying it, doesn’t realize that we have options, babe!

Bullet vibrators are great, multifunctional mini vibes. It’s a timeless design concept that evolves with us as the sex-positive movement becomes more and more prevalent.

HOWEVER,

If bullet vibes aren’t your thing, mini vibes are NOT one-size-fits-all. It is 2022, and mini vibrators come in more than one shape and size!

Speaking of size, I know that when someone says,

  1. “THEY ARE TOO SMALL TO BE POWERFUL”,

They likely haven’t tried the right mini vibe, yet.

Just because a mini vibe is made with less material, doesn’t mean it is less powerful. Mini vibes still have adjustable power settings, just like any other vibrator. They just ALSO have the ability to get into small cracks and tight crevices to maximize overall pleasure.

But, keep in mind that the mini vibe does NOT have to be the main character or lead role in your experience. In fact, in many situations, it THRIVES as the supporting role.

Which tells me when I hear,

  1. “MINI VIBES ARE JUST VIBRATORS WITH TRAINING WHEELS”,

They likely haven’t auditioned their mini vibe as a supporting role, yet. Mini vibes are great on their own as “beginners vibrators” because they can be less intimidating overall. And for some, they may become and remain the “lead role” of the show when it comes to pleasure.

But others may want to continue to explore and try new things, and the mini vibe is great for this as well.

Use it WITH other toys. Use it DURING partnered play. Use it WHEN you want to try “vibing out” in an (acceptable) public setting. Use it ON untraditional areas of the body. Use it IN untraditional ways on the body.

Think of the mini vibe as the Sports Model, not the knockoff.

The possibilities are endless…

Conclusion

In short: if you are too busy stuck in a mind trap to truly explore with your mini vibe, OF COURSE it won’t tickle your fancy (pun intended 😉).

If you want your mini vibe experience to be out-of-this-world, YOU are the only thing in the way (because your mini vibe has been waitin). So stop expecting a unique experience without making unique choices, holding the vibe accountable for “being basic”.

That being said, maybe mini vibes ARE the secret menu item. What do you think?

Masturbation Mythbusting: Mini Vibes by Autumn Morris originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Facts About Sex Toy Use And Masturbation In A Relationship

Not too long ago, in a place right here on Earth, the very notion of a person using a sex toy if they were in a relationship seemed, well, a little strange. Not strange in a bad way, of course, but strange in a bit of a judgmental way. The thinking seemed to be: Why do you need to masturbate if you’re getting action from your partner? What also followed, at least back in the day, was the fear from some partners that using a sex toy during masturbation would somehow give them competition. Because, let’s be honest, when you have, say, the vibrating sensation of the Le Wand Point Mini Vibrator (my personal fave at the moment) all cozied up against the clit, perineum, or other erogenous zones, it makes for one hell of a delicious ride.

But just because something is delicious and delivers pleasure literally in the palm of your hand, that doesn’t mean human partners all of a sudden become secondary. In fact, even if the sex toys aren’t being used in bed with a partner and are mostly being used for masturbation, the relationship is better for it. More masturbation leads to a greater understanding of what we want sexually, and our sex life with our partner truly benefits from it. However, myths still remain, so let’s debunk a few, shall we?

Myth #1: “If My Partner Masturbates, I Will Become Obsolete.”

First of all, no. Second of all, NO. That’s simply not how things work. It’s important to note that masturbation isn’t always about sex and sexual feelings. Some masturbate, whether with their hand, a vibrator, the showerhead — or a whole boatload of things depending on how creative you want to be — because they’re stressed, bored, can’t sleep, need a morning pick-me-up, or to give their mental health a boost from oxytocin that’s released when we orgasm. And while some have sex with their partner for the same reason, the fact remains that a masturbating partner will not make the other partner obsolete. Relationships, after all, are about more than sex.

Myth #2: “Sex Toy Use Will Make You No Longer Interested in Having Sex With A Person.”

Although there’s certainly a different level of power between a vibrating toy and a finger or tongue, as well as a variety of patterns that a partner probably can’t deliver, that doesn’t mean that using a sex toy every time you masturbate is going to make you prefer a sex toy to your partner. While there’s no denying that humans are creatures of habit, when it comes to sex and sex-related things, variety is truly the spice of life. You may find that some days you crave the vibration of a vibrator, then the Pleasure Air technology of the Womanizer Premium the next day, then the tongue of your partner the following day. There’s no one way to experience pleasure and in having the options of a sex toy and your partner, you have the best of both worlds.

Myth #3: “Masturbation will lower my desire to get intimate with a partner.”

On the contrary, the more you masturbate the more you’ll want to be intimate with your partner — seriously! The reason for this is that when you’re having regular orgasms, your sex drive is higher than if you’re not having regular orgasms, so you’ll want more sex because of all these regular orgasms you’ll be experiencing during masturbation. How many people have had one orgasm and didn’t immediately think, “Um, I could definitely go for another and another and another?” When your body and brain are revved up from regular masturbation, you’re basically primed at all times, which makes your desire for your partner revved up too.

Myth #4: “When Someone Masturbates, It’s A Sign That They’re Not Sexually Satisfied By Their Partner.”

In the same vein of a partner becoming obsolete simply because one partner regularly masturbates and has a drawer full of goodies to make that experience even more tantalizing, just because your partner masturbates, it doesn’t mean they’re dissatisfied in their sex life with you. Like, not at all — and this can’t be stressed enough. Again, masturbation doesn’t have to be rooted in sexual desire. Orgasms have an endless list of benefits to them and, in addition to that, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to indulge in some one-on-one time. As much as one might want to satisfy their partner and be satisfied by them, sometimes a person just needs and wants to get off. It says nothing about your sex life with your partner or even your relationship in general.

Myth #5: “Using A Toy To Get Off Is Cheating On Your Partner.”

I have come across this one far too often — and with friends who should really know better. One friend came home to find her partner using a vibrator and immediately labeled it “cheating.” But is it cheating when it’s a sex toy or their own hand? If that’s how some of us are now defining the word “cheating,” then we really need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at what the word really means. Because, masturbation, no matter how you do it, is definitely not cheating, and if you or your partner see it as such, then it’s time to sit down and talk about what counts as cheating in your relationship and what doesn’t.

The takeaway for this round of Masturbation Mythbusting? No matter who’s masturbating in the relationship — or if one is doing it more than the other or one partner isn’t doing it at all — the fact remains that it’s a good thing. Masturbation can only enhance a relationship and sexual intimacy. So embrace your solo pleasure time and let your partner do the same. There are only benefits to be had by all.

Masturbation Mythbusting: Facts About Sex Toy Use And Masturbation In A Relationship by Amanda Chatel originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

MASTURBATION MYTHBUSTING: 8 Stainless Steel Sex Toys Myths, Busted

If you haven’t already gotten your hands, hiney, member, or muff on a stainless steel sex toy, you’re late to the Pleasure Party.

No shade intended—in all likelihood you haven’t yet pressed “order” because you’ve got some preconceived notions about what stainless steel toys are and are not. To help you sort facts from fiction, we put together this list of 8 stainless steel sex toy myths.

Trust, once you read these nuggets you’ll want to buy yourself a plus 1 and to hit up the party ASAP.

Myth: Silicone is the *only* body-safe sex toy material

While it’s true that medical-grade silicone is body-safe, it’s untrue that that’s the *only* body-safe material!

As clinical sexologist, Dr. Megan Stubbs Ed.D, author of the forthcoming book Playing Without a Partner: A Singles’ Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness puts it, “If it’s safe to cook on, it’s likely safe to put in your body.” Other body-safe materials include: Pyrex, borosilicate glass, ABS plastic, and (drum roll please!) stainless steel!

The most obvious benefit of using a body-safe sex toy is that because you can get it completely clean, the risk of introducing infection-causing bacteria to your bits is basically zero. (Bacterial vaginosis who??).

Another benefit is that they’re so much easier to share with a partner you’re not fluid-bonded with. A quick rinse with warm water and fragrance-free soap between uses is all you need to make this toy totally shareable.

Another option is to spray on a sex toy cleaner wipe it clean with an old Tee.

“You can also pop the steel toy in the top rack of your dishwasher and run it without dish detergent,” says Stubbs. (Depending on your dish detergent, the fragrances can be too harsh for your delicate internal tissues).

Myth: Stainless steel sex toys can’t vibrate, so they don’t feel good

Whether they’re buzzy or rumbly, vibrators can be an ahhmazing addition to solo, partnered, and multi-partnered play. In fact, one 2019 study of vibrator use is overall greater sexual well-being. But that doesn’t mean vibrators are the only feel-good addition to the bedroom—they’re not.

A vibrator alternative, stainless steel toys can be used to fulfill feelings of wet, warmth, or cold, as well as sensations of thrusting, fullness, sliding, gliding, and pressing.

Because of this, pleasure-seekers who find vibration annoying, itchy, or irritating (more common than you might think!) may actually enjoy these non-motorized toys more than their buzzy counterparts.

More than just being different than vibrators, stainless steel toys are superior in certain instances. For example, “the G-zone and prostate both tend to respond well to pressure, motion, and the sensation of fullness which is more easily achieved with a steel wand than a vibrator,” explains queer sex educator Andy Duran, the education director for Good Vibrations.

He explains: The often-curved shape of the toy allows you to more easily apply the requisite pressure, while the weight and density inherent to steel toys makes it better at delivering consistent firm touch than toys made out of softer materials (like silicone, for example).

Myth: Stainless steel sex toys are for internal stimulation only

Yes, stainless steel sex toys are exceptional at delivering the kind of pressure that internal hot-spots respond well to.

But when combined with lube, the sensation of the smooth steel on external genitals can be incredibly enjoyable for some, too, says Duran. The clitoris and taint in particular, according to him, have the capacity to respond well to the sensation of swiping, pressing, swirling, and even tapping from the toy.

Genitals aside, stainless steel wands also stunt-double as massagers, providing pleasurable pressure along tight back, trap, and butt muscles.

Myth: All stainless steel wands feel the same 

Cue Gwen Stefani because saying all sex toys made from stainless steel feel the same is as b-a-n-a-n-a-s as saying French fries, mashed potatoes, and tater tots all taste the same because they’re made from potatoes.

The shape, texture, length, girth, and weight of the stainless steel toy all impact how the toy will feel externally or internally.

To pick the toy for you, Stubbs recommends thinking about what sensations you already know you enjoy and finding a steel toy that delivers a similar sensation.

Myth: You *don’t* need lube with stainless steel sex toys 

Stainless steel may move over your body more smoothly than silicone toys, but store-bought lubricant can still enhance the sensation. Lube increases the ease with which a toy can slide in-and-out, or glide side-to-side, says Stubbs.

Best Part: Steel toys is that they can be used with all kinds of lubricants, including silicone-based lubricant which is superior for anal play!

“Massage candles and arousal oil are also a great addition to play with stainless steel toys,” she adds.

Myth: Stainless steel sex toys are *only* solo sex toys

Due to the fact that they’re not harnessable, there’s a myth that stainless steel dildos are for solo sex only. But that hodge-podge is that: myth. Stainless steel sex toys can absolutely be used on a partner—in way more ways than one.

“You might use the wand on your partner internally while you pleasure them externally with your mouth,” says Stubbs. “Or you might have your partner use a metal wand on your butt while you pleasure yourself.”

Even using the wand as a massage tool on your partner can be incredibly erotic. When paired with a massage oil you can use it as you might use a massage stone to work through back knots,” says Duran. Hello, Mx. Romance!

Myth: ALL stainless steel sex toys are anal-safe

It is not the material that determines whether or not something is anal-safe, it’s the shape! In order for a toy to be anal safe it needs to have a stopping point that keeps the toy from getting lost in the body.

That’s the reason butt plugs have a carrot-top head, the flared base secures the plug outside the body. While stainless steel butt plugs will usually sport a similar stopping point, stainless steel wands that are anal-safe sport a significant curve instead.

“For C-shaped or S-shaped wands to be anal-safe, it needs to have a prominent curve that is more significant than the curve of the anal canal,” says Duran.

Myth: Stainless steel is only good for room temperature play

Confession time: I’ve never heard of room temperature play, nor have I ever heard anyone spew this nonsense. But (!!) I wanted to make sure to share that one of the reasons stainless steel sex toys are so darn wonderful is that metal holds temperature. That means these Babes can be used for temperature play.

The act of intentionally using different temperatures to ignite your senses, temperature play can bring a sense of adventure into the bedroom. (See More: The Ultimate Guide to Temperature Play).

Stubbs says one of her favorite things is to “dunk a steel wand in a cup of warm water before bringing the warmth to [her] body.” While I prefer the sensation of rubbing a steel wand on my clit (with lube!) after it’s been in the freezer for a few hours.

Whether you go up or down a few degrees, do your bits a solid and check the temperature on your inner forearm first.

Masturbation Mythbusting: 8 Stainless Steel Sex Toys Myths, Busted by Gabrielle Kassel originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Why It’s Important to Switch Up Your Sex Positions

Solo sex is an integral part of any sexual identity for a number of reasons. The sex we have with ourselves is the most important sexual relationship we will ever cultivate in our lives. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at some of the reasons why we masturbate.

Solo sex has a variety of benefits including: better sleep, shorter and less painful periods (for vagina owners), increased confidence and self-image, relief of stress and sexual tension, better sex with your partner, higher overall sex drive, and it can help you relax and in general, boost your mood. Wow!

After reading all of that, it seems silly to think that we could ever feel guilty about touching ourselves when masturbation is clearly a tool of self-care. So let’s dive into some of the most common myths about masturbation and how to find a new Unicorn position (or three!) for yourself.

Myth #1: Masturbation is selfish, and being selfish is inherently bad.

Masturbation is selfish in the sense that it’s something that’s totally and completely for yourself. But that isn’t a bad thing! If we peel back another layer and dive a little deeper from a holistic point of view, we can begin to see how solo sex is also a tool of self-love.

Masturbation is a wonderful and intimate way to reconnect with our bodies. We live in a world where body and mind generally seem to be divorced. Creating intentional space to devote to exploring our bodies and discovering where and how we derive pleasure is a sacred form of self-expression. Devoting time to our personal pleasure is a radical act of honoring our need to slow down and immerse ourselves in the present. In this form, masturbation is a grounding exercise.

Myth #2: Masturbation is just masturbation.

There are many benefits to solo sex beyond self-pleasure. Another valuable aspect of solo sex is that it can help us better understand our wants and needs. Being able to identify and communicate our wants and needs is a crucial element to any successful relationship, including the relationship we have with ourselves. How do we go about identifying these things? Patience, practice, consent, and compassion. Start by identifying your desires and holding space for them without judgment. It takes time to understand our bodies and how they operate. By being gentle, we take the pressure to perform off of ourselves and make our bodies more available to pleasure.

So often in solo sex, the sole intention of a session is to achieve orgasm. Most of us want to bust a nut and pass out after a long day, thus masturbation becomes a means to an end. When we remove the mindfulness from masturbation it becomes, in a sense, impersonal; more of an obligation than a practice in pleasure. Our instant gratification society conditions us to become impatient at anything that takes longer than 30 seconds. This is why, for some of us, masturbating can be frustrating if we have difficulties connecting with our bodies. Unfulfilled expectations of a quick and easy orgasm leave us feeling even more detached from ourselves, eager to fill the void.

Myth #3: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Because of these sexual anxieties, it’s understandable that when we find a routine that works (works meaning it feels good and leads to climax) that we choose to stick with it. As the saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” As people, we are innately creatures of habit, but is that necessarily a good thing when it comes to solo sex? If the perspective we have of masturbation is as a means to an end, we might be satisfied in the immediate present, but it could potentially affect the future of our personal pleasure. Here’s why it’s important to switch up our sexual routines.

Masturbating in the same position with the same toy or in the same manner can routinely condition our bodies to only receive pleasure in that specific way. This can lead to a certain level of desensitization, making it harder and take longer to achieve orgasm, which can put a strain on personal and partnered sex and limit our pleasure potential.

To have a better understanding of our pleasure potential, it’s important to take time to experiment with various toys, strokes, pressures, and positions. This will give us more information about our sexuality and how we receive pleasure. Our sexuality and our bodies are dynamic and change over time. Switching up positions and keeping our solo sex routine fresh will ensure we are connected and aligned with our pleasure potential in the present and future. The more open we are to receiving pleasure, the more pleasure will be integrated into our lives!

Switch up your solo sex positions!

Here are some fun positions to explore in your masturbation routine:

  1. On Your Back

This is a popular position for most folks because our genitals are easily accessible from this position, but if this is your go-to, challenge yourself to try something new. Spreading your legs wide in this position will open your body up to receive more pleasure. Also, moving your hips up and down (or in a circular position) will heighten sensitivity.

  1. On Your Front

If you are a fan of grinding, this is the position for you! In this position, you are lying face down and humping your hand, a pillow, the mattress, or your favorite toy. On Your Front is great for people who enjoy pressure on their clitoris. You can generate pleasure in this position fully nude or with your panties on for added friction and heightened stimulation.

  1. On Your Knees

Where are my doggy-style enthusiasts at? On Your Knees is a table-top position that is fabulous for clit stimulation. Like in most of these positions, humping motions are recommended. Also, if you’re into butt plugs (plugs, beads, vibrators, or any form of insertion), you’ll want to give this a try. The angle of doggy-style makes access to your bum ideal for anal stimulation. It also allows for full control over how deep you want your penetration to go.

  1. The Assisted Lover

This position takes the classic On Your Back to the next level by focusing on G-spot stimulation. You can achieve this in a couple of ways. First, while lying down on your back, put a stack of pillows or a pillow wedge under the small of your back to elevate your groin (think p*ssy pointing at the ceiling). Second, sit up on your tushie and put a stack of pillows or the wedge behind you to recline on.

Reclining and lifted positions are great for g-spot stimulation and make self-penetration easy, pleasurable, and fun.

  1. Mirror, Mirror

This position really turns it on! What’s sexier than watching yourself get off. Utilizing a mirror in any position that feels most comfortable to you — and allows you to soak in your pleasure — is what this position is about. Watching yourself in a mirror gives you pleasure feedback in real-time, allowing you to see what pressures and strokes feel best for you. Mirror, Mirror is also great for building sexual confidence!

  1. Stallion Squat

Naming this one after Megan Thee Stallion because she has the strongest knees in the game and is exactly what you should be channeling in this position.

The Stallion Squat is for folks who love deep penetration. Using a suction cup dildo and lube (and the strength of your knees and legs), lower yourself onto the dildo to penetrate your deepest erogenous zones. If your knee game isn’t up to par, use a chair or a wall to assist you. Your comfort, as always, is a priority!

  1. Lotus Butterfly

Perhaps after giving the Stallion Squat a try, you might want to relax into the Lotus position.

Sitting upright while spreading your legs, this position offers heightened clitoral stimulation and creates tension in your pelvic muscle, which can lead to stronger, more intense orgasms. If you really want to take things to the next level, try adding breathwork to this sexual meditation.

  1. Wet N Wild

Some of you may be familiar with solo sex in the bath or shower. You can achieve this by running bath water over your clitoris or, if you’re lunch enough to have a detachable showerhead, standing and directing the stream of your nozzle head over the same area. One of my favorite things about this position is that it gets you out of the bedroom and into a space in which you might not normally masturbate. Sometimes, just getting out of the bedroom and masturbating in another safe and discreet location is enough to make your body feel alive again! Get creative in your apartment, but be mindful if you have roommates.

 

Masturbation Mythbusting: Why It’s Important to Switch Up Your Sex Positions by Shelby Sells originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Solo Sex & Social Distancing

 

We’ve all been discovering ourselves a bit more often than normal this past year, but can too much solo sex ruin your next in-person encounter? LMFT Shadeen Francis breaks down a Q&A on socially distant solo sex in this edition of Masturbation Mythbusting.

Myth 1: Long-distance sex is less intimate than in person.

Q: I am socially distanced from my partner but we want to still be sexual with each other. I don’t know if we can still connect. I have heard of sexting and stuff but I’m not really sure how. I don’t know if it’ll feel like intimacy if we are just sending pictures and touching ourselves.

A: I know it’s not the same, but connection while socially distanced is not impossible! The research on dating during the pandemic is actually showing that separation has made people more intentional about dating: they are spending more high-quality quality-time with one another, are having deeper and emotional conversations, and are finding ways to be more creative on dates. So there is hope!

Technology is a tool, and we can use it to help us overcome barriers to connection. Let’s start with getting some clarity on “intimacy” between you and your partner. What feels like an intimate connection to you?

Is it seeing each other’s faces? Then you might try being sexual on a secure video platform. Does hearing their voice feel most intimate for you? Think about exchanging lust-filled voice notes or having sex dates over the phone. Do their words really inspire you? Try writing erotic letters or sensual emails. You might also explore Bluetooth controlled sex toys for some long-distance sexual touch! There is a lot of room to get creative, but it starts by thinking about what you need.

Myth 2: Too much solo sex can ruin partnered sex.

Q: I love having all this time for solo sex but worry about when it’s time to date again. What if nobody feels as good as my vibrator? Have I ruined myself for future lovers? Should I just skip the dating scene and marry my toys now?

A: You can go ahead and cancel that reception – it is a widespread myth that vibrating sex toys desensitize your vulvas to partners. Although human bodies can rarely imitate the speed, intensity, or consistency of sex toys, masturbation does not put your partnered sex at risk. On the contrary, it most often helps people better understand what arouses them and what feels good on their bodies.

Be sure to share what you learn with your future partners. Whether it is a tour of your toy collection or a sexy game of Simon says, it is important that you help your partners understand what you enjoy. We are ultimately responsible for our pleasure, but it is always nice to have some helping hands! And if you’ve already committed to marrying your vibrator, consider making your partnered sexual experiences a 3-way and include your favorite toy in the action!

Myth 3: You have to have solo sex to be a sexual person.

Q: I think I am asexual and like sex but what if I don’t really enjoy masturbation? It feels good and I’m not ashamed I just don’t really like it. Am I just not actually sex-positive?

A: Then don’t do it! My belief is that sex is always about pleasure, and that includes solo sex. If masturbating does not feel or sound pleasurable to you, that is okay. You absolutely do not have to masturbate to be a sexual person, nor do you have to touch yourself to feel pleasure.

Being sex-positive is about respect for the diversity of sexual identities and genders, honoring people’s boundaries, and supporting everyone’s freedom to make informed choices about their sexual lives. Sex positivity doesn’t mean any kind of sex is necessary! Think about what would feel good to you and protect intentional, uninterrupted time for that. It could be a good meal, a long walk, a favorite movie, an art project — whatever you choose, if you can do it without shame or harm to yourself or others, it is perfect.

Masturbation Mythbusting: Solo Sex & Social Distancing by Shadeen Francis originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Can We Be Too Reliant on Vibrators?

Masturbation is a socially-distant activity that makes “self-isolation” more like “self-investigation.” But after months of going to town with your favorite sex toy, (the pandemic version of “going out”) you may be wondering if you’re getting too reliant on your vibrator. You think about her when you hear a love song at the supermarket. You dream about her at night. At this point, you can’t even picture getting off without her. Are you addicted? Codependent? Do you need to scale it back? Is it time to kill the buzz?

Before we dive into the “vibrator addiction” debate, I’d like to bring your attention to, well, you. If you’ve found a sex toy that brings you pleasure—congrats! Unless you went to a super progressive private school where you called teachers by their first names, your sex ed class likely skipped over pleasure/masturbation/orgasms, (especially for women/humans with vaginas).

The lack of sex-positive sex education, plus the lack of positive media representation, plus the immense societal stigma and shaming of “female”/humans with vaginas pleasure hinders women/people with vaginas from learning about their bodies and their orgasms in an empowering, safe, and non-judgemental way. It’s also a large reason behind the orgasm gap, or the studied and documented discrepancy in orgasms between cis men and cis women. (Like this 2017 study from Chapman University, that found on average, straight men orgasm 95% of the time during partnered sex, while straight women only finish 65% of the time).

Needless to say, women/people with vaginas aren’t exactly set up for sexual success. From slut-shaming to contraceptive deserts, the road to “owning our pleasure” is hardly an easy one. It’s a big deal to charge of sexuality, prioritize your pleasure, and find what works for you and your body. And if your vibe is bringing good things to your sex life — you don’t need to feel embarrassed or worried about it. The “don’t get too reliant on your vibrator” rhetoric isn’t rooted in science or anatomy, it’s rooted in sexual shame and fear-mongering.

Take this 2009 study from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University, Bloomington, and The Kinsey Institute, of 3,800 women aged 18-60 that found vibrator use was linked to heightened physical and psychological well-being and positive sexual function. Or this 1996 study from Syracuse University that found the majority of assigned female at birth (AFAB) vibrator users had better and more orgasms when using vibrators during both solo and partnered sex.

Pretend for a second that you’ve never used a vibrator. Let’s, say, you only masturbate with your hands, and you manually stimulate yourself when having partnered sex. Would you be worried you’re “too reliant” on your fingers? Addicted to hand stuff? Probably not.

So, let’s get rid of this fear of “vibrator addiction.” Marie Kondo that shit and put it in the Goodwill bin with that paisley Free People top you were always iffy about. If “vibrator addiction” doesn’t exist, (and for the record, vibration addiction doesn’t exist) then what are you questioning? Why are you worried you’re “too reliant” on your vibrator? That’s where you’re gonna find your answers.

For example:

  1. Are you getting bored of your masturbation routine?
  2. Are you losing sensation on your clit? Are you unable to finish without a vibrator?
  3. Are you sheepish about using toys with your partner? Are you afraid that toys make sex less “intimate” or “natural”?
  4. Are you intrigued by using your hands and wondering why you stopped using them?

Some of these are practical problems with practical fixes. Yet, some of these are more emotional/societal issues that call for open communication and an attitude adjustment.

  1. What to do if you’re in a masturbation rut:

It’s time to switch things up. Masturbate in front of a mirror, on a chair, or in a new position. Listen to audio porn. Try using your hands instead of a toy. Masturbate in a different room or different part of your bedroom. Try a metal or glass toy. Try a butt plug. Masturbate on FaceTime with someone. Use lube. Make masturbating a novel experience for yourself, treat it like you would treat a hot hookup, put on your sex undies, light a candle. Romance yourself.

  1. What to do if you’re worried about losing sensation or have noticed some sensation loss:

First and foremost, don’t panic. You haven’t broken your clit. If you really like to crank your vibe, or if you tend to put direct pressure on your clit to orgasm quickly, you’ve likely gotten used to the intense sensation, and may “rely” on that to finish. (I.e. your tolerance for sensation is higher, ergo it takes more sensation to finish.) For now! Rest assured you can ease yourself back into finishing from other types of stimulation. Try using a lower setting, or using your hands for a bit, and masturbating without the “goal” or having an orgasm, meaning playing around and following good sensations, not rushing to finish. Use lube. Use more lube. Take deep breathes and try to relax into it. You’re not going to cum if you’re stressed out about not cumming.

Yet, this is where the attitude adjustment comes in, if you’ve scaled back on the sex toys and you still find you’re unable to cum without a vibrator…then my dear, use your vibrator. Lest we forget, the majority of people with vaginas can’t orgasm from penetration alone. That means, we need extra stimulation (most often clitoral) as we’re getting it on. If you’ve found something that makes you feel good, use it! As long as everything is consensual, there are no bad orgasms.

  1. What to do if you’re sheepish about using toys with a partner or worry that it makes sex less “intimate”:

Using toys doesn’t make sex “intimate” or “natural”. It just doesn’t. Frankly, if something is making you have a better time, that sounds more intimate. Using a toy with a partner will likely take the pressure off when and if you’re going to finish and let you relax into the moment. It will nip any “How can I never finish” resentments, and let you connect deeper to your partner. It will help your partner understand what sensations you like. It may even help you and your partner orgasm at the same time. If all of that is not intimacy, I don’t what is.

Adding a toy in the bedroom doesn’t have to be some big or weird conversation, you can talk about it the way you’d talk about protection, “Hey, mind if I grab my vibe?” Or express that toys are there to heighten the experience you’re having, “It feels so good when you’re in me, I’m gonna put my vibe on my clit to really send me over the edge.” There is no competition between your partner (or your own hand!) and a toy, consider them all like sexy tapas, they all taste different and there’s room for them all.

  1. What to do if you’re intrigued by using your hands and wondering why you stopped using them to masturbate:

Good question! Why did you stop? Are you uncomfortable touching yourself? Were toys quicker? Do toys feel better? Do you like them more? If you’re feeling intrigued by your hands, try ditching your toy for a week.

Bring a hand mirror and watch yourself. Learn what sensations you feel in different places. Use lube. Remember you can always grab a toy when you need it. And if you realize you prefer using toys, great. We welcome all pleasure, manual or mechanical.

 

Masturbation Mythbusting: Can We Be Too Reliant on Vibrators? by Griffin Wynne originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee?

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

If your only experience with squirting is limited to seeing it in porn, you’ve probably convinced yourself that there’s no way that act is real.

While there hasn’t been as much research as other bodily functions dedicated to figuring out the science behind squirting, documentation of ejaculation in vulva owners goes all the way back to the kama sutra. And numerous studies since have found that some vulva owners do indeed expel fluid during orgasm. A study from 1984 concluded that 54% of vulva owners experienced an “orgasmic expulsion of fluid” at least one time and 14% experienced it almost every time they reached orgasm. A 2017 study concluded that 69% of vulva owners between 18 and 39 had experienced ejaculation during orgasm. So yes, squirting is real.

Squirt is pee

First, I want to clarify that there is some urine in precum and ejaculatory fluid in penis owners. So, yes— there is some pee in all ejaculate fluid, but it’s not all pee. It’s all a combination of ejaculatory fluid as well as urinary fluid. There is both urea and creatinine, which can be mistaken for urine. Ejaculate is an alkaline liquid, similar to prostate fluid; think of it like ejaculate from a penis without the sperm (like juice without pulp, if you will). The liquid is usually clear to yellowish, and thinner than the slippery lubrication vaginas create. If the similarity to pee still makes you feel uncomfortable, try peeing right before sexual activity. If your bladder isn’t full, you can rest assured that whatever’s coming out of you is not pee.

Vulva owners have tissue surrounding their urethra, called the urethral sponge. This is all part of the internal clitoris (the G-spot is the spot closest to the root of the clit) and is actually very similar to the erectile tissue in a penis. When you’re turned on, the clitoris and urethral sponge swell and essentially become erect. There are tiny glands in and right next to the urethra on the front wall of the vagina, called Skene’s or paraurethral glands, and they can fill with fluid when you’re turned on. The Skene gland is biologically similar to the prostate. Urine is present in the fluid because these glands are so close to the urethra. Part of the reason this myth is so unending is because, when vulva owners are going to squirt, they often feel like they have to pee. That feeling is misleading because when you’re turned on, the tissue around your urethra gets filled with blood, which will press against your bladder, making you feel like you need to pee. But trust me, it doesn’t mean you’re actually going to pee yourself. The simple solution? Go to the bathroom before playtime. So then, with an empty bladder, you can be confident that you’re squirting and definitely not peeing.

Squirting and Ejaculation are the same thing

These are harder to define since squirting isn’t a medical term and it’s hard to quantify colloquial terms. Squirting typically describes the release of a fluid that’s clear and colorless, where ejaculation is used to describe the release of another kind of fluid that is often white and milky, includes prostate-specific antigens (PSAs) and other compounds found in semen. Squirting typically involves a larger amount of fluid being released, sometimes described as “gushing” or “geyser-like,” whereas female ejaculation alone is usually a pretty small amount of fluid. These two different types of release can happen independently or simultaneously of one another. This makes it not only harder to research, but to explain the information. it’s likely more accurate to say that there is ejaculation, which is the same as squirting.

All vulva-owners can squirt

So, yes and no. While I wouldn’t tell anyone that they’re incapable of squirting, I also wouldn’t say that everyone squirts. This research suggests that anywhere between 10 and 50 percent of vulva owners noticed involuntary ejaculation. The issue is that it’s not always obvious that it happened. If you’ve ever had sex and found yourself in a big wet spot on the bed, it’s possible that you squirted without ever noticing. Think of it like sweating; while everyone sweats, some people sweat more than others. Some people’s Skene’s glands may be on the smaller side or simply less active than others, or there might be scar tissue blocking the ducts. You might be holding yourself back because you might mistakenly think you’re going to pee. Or perhaps, you just might not have ever had their urethral sponge stimulated enough (or in the necessary way) to actually ejaculate. It can take a lot of exploration of your own body, just don’t put too much pressure on yourself, it can be counterproductive.

The porn you’ve seen may make it look easy, but not everyone finds it pleasurable or even comfortable. The bottom line is Everyone is different. The body doesn’t follow rules for experiencing pleasure. The amount of liquid can also vary wildly from person to person. Some will squirt a lot, others might be more of a drip, while some can make puddles that look like they wet the bed. Typically the fluid expelled is only about a teaspoon and doesn’t usually make it across the room, but results will vary depending on your body.

Keep in mind that the clit is more than the little numb you can see. Think of an iceberg and how most of it is actually unseen under the water; the legs of the clitoris are the same, they criss cross through the pelvis under the skin where you wouldn’t be able to see. The legs of the clitoris extend four inches below the surface of the skin, branching out into legs and bulbs on either side of the vaginal canal. So how those nerve endings respond to different stimulation or how sensitive they are will differ from person to person. Sure, stimulating the g-spot, the spongy area of the front wall of the vagina about half-way between the opening and the cervix, makes some people squirt. But that’s not the only path you can or should take to that particular destination.

You can’t train yourself to squirt

Squirting is just one of the many ways to experience pleasure, and luckily pleasure is something that can be learned and expanded on. Squirting is mostly involuntary, but you can take time to figure out your body’s preferences, but there are no shortcuts. You’ll really need to invest time in experimenting with your own body to figure out the moves or combination of sensations that will get you there. If your partner has fantasies of bringing you to a mind-blowing orgasm, solo exploration can be the best way to get to know your body. And once you figure out what works best for you, it’s easier to communicate what works to your partner.

When trying to squirt, start by warming your body up and making sure you’re fully aroused before you even stimulate your G-spot, which is located on the front of the wall of the vagina and has a noticeable spongy texture. To find it, curve your fingers and use the pads and not your fingertips to locate that spongy tissue. When you feel a ridge, you’ll know you’re in the right place. You can add toys to help you reach if your fingers can’t easily access your g-spot. Also remember that the G-spot isn’t the only ticket to gush city, you can also try a wand with powerful vibrations which might pull forth your first squirt! Try experimenting with your own preferences and see what brings you the most pleasure. It might even be a blended orgasm from putting a curved attachment on your favorite wand to get there.

Just trust the journey and enjoy the pleasure you’re experiencing along the way. When you put pressure yourself to squirt or even just reach orgasm you’re less likely to be able to do it. Reaching the big O is as much mental as it is physical. Being in a positive headspace is equally as important as the physical things you’re doing. How will you let go and squirt if you can’t get out of your own head? Don’t overthink it. Patience, practice and just enjoying the journey is all you need!

Squirting is the same as an orgasm

While squirting and orgasm can often happen together, they aren’t mutually exclusive. Sometimes folks will squirt without an orgasm; sometimes, they’ll squirt while orgasming, and sometimes they’ll squirt after they get off, especially if you’re feeling relaxed. Orgasm is talking about the sensation of pleasure and release accompanied by muscle contractions. Where ejaculation is talking about the release of fluid which may, or may not occur together.

The Bottom Line?

Squirting is no myth, though the jury is still out on the exact mechanics behind it. But regardless of what’s in it, squirting feels good for many people, and we should encourage and celebrate all pleasurable sexual experiences. So if it feels good, don’t hold back: Wet the bed!

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee? by Carly S. originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz