A wand like this in your store is a power move worth stepping into…
Commune with COTR March 24th 11am PT / 2pm ET as they explore the 2021 limited edition Feel My Power Wand.
They’ll share the history of the three campaigns, the purpose behind Feel My Power and how they bring the campaign to life online and in retail.
Can I get some “POWER” for that?!
The world’s most sought-after pleasure wand is back again! Meet the new Le Wand Feel My Power 2021 Special Edition Rechargeable Vibrating Massager.
Another year. Another designer. Yet Le Wand’s mission for Feel My Power has stayed the same — to champion every body and create a wand to inspire self-love and amplify your power.
This year, Le Wand has joined forces with the incredibly talented New York-based artist, Jade Purple Brown, to create an extra-special, limited edition of their OG wand wrapped in empowering custom illustrations.
Jade Purple Brown’s work uses strong figures, vibrant colors, and messages of optimism to create new, dynamic worlds of individuality and empowerment.
“The purpose of my art is to encourage myself and possibly others to feel more optimistic and free.” – Jade Purple Brown
The 9-piece collection embraces everything that has made Feel My Power a tried-and-true classic among pleasure seekers since its inception in 2019.
The Le Wand Massager offers a body-safe silicone head, a flexible neck and a lengthy handle with easy-to-use controls that allow for smooth maneuvering. And, it’s fully USB rechargeable.
If you’ve never heard of “edging,” then prepare to have your mind blown.
Whether you do it solo or with a partner, practicing edging is something that’s going to take your orgasms to a whole new level.
Edging is when you bring yourself—or your partner—as close to an orgasm as possible, to the edge so to speak, then STOP.
While the initial thought of this might coincide with thinking, “Why would anyone do this?” From a pleasure standpoint, it really pays off: stronger and possibly even longer orgasms. What’s not to love?
Although, for the most part, edging is something that people with penises tend to practice more than people with vulvas, don’t think for one moment that being a vulva-owner is standing in the way of your ability to edge.
Think about it this way: You’re with your partner (or yourself) and there’s a lot of sexual teasing going on. This teasing leaves you wanting more while the blood rushes to your genital, become engorged, as you reach peak arousal. There’s a good chance that once those sensations hit (that wonderful ache of desire), your need to climax is at an all-time high.
Now imagine taking that level of teasing and focusing it on more genital play. The more you bring yourself—or your partner—close to the edge of climax, the more powerful and intense the orgasm will be. It’s the increased and prolonged arousal that, when let loose, is the climax of climaxes.
But there’s more to edging than mind-blowing orgasms.
For people with penises, edging gives them the opportunity to have more control over how long they can keep an erection before coming. In fact, edging was created to help men with premature ejaculation.
In 1956, Dr. James H. Semans, a Duke University surgeon and urologist, published an article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in which he began his introduction with, “premature ejaculation is very undesirable… it may lead to sexual impotence.” His solution for this was for penis-owners to enjoy external stimulation by a partner “until the premonitory sensation of ejaculation.” Next, the stimulation would be stopped before climax and the sensation to come no longer existed. Then, roughly 30 seconds later, the cycle was repeated. The method worked and became known as the “stop-start” technique.
As with most things involving our bodies, going solo and exploring is the best way to start edging. So get in there, use a hand mirror, touch different parts of your body—your vulva, your penis, your perineum, your anus, your clitoris—experiment with it all.
If you’ve been masturbating long enough, then you already know what works. Some like the stroking method, others like squeezing, while others prefer more of a twisting type motion. It’s these preferable techniques to which you want to stick.
But, because you’re going to stop yourself from having an orgasm, just before you climax, you want to squeeze the glans (otherwise known as the head) of your penis. Once you’ve nipped your orgasm in the bud, you want to wait about 30 seconds, then get back to masturbating. You can do this as many times as it feels good to do it.
If your concern is more about getting premature ejaculation under control, then ballooning is a better option. Before we even get into ballooning, it should be noted that many, many people with penises suffer from premature ejaculation. The Mayo Clinic estimates that roughly 1 out of every 3 penis-owners will experience PE at some point in their lifetime. So, if you think you’re alone, you’re certainly not.
When it comes to the ballooning technique, things are different. First, find the most sensitive spot on your penis and start rubbing it a circular motion. Continue this form of circular stimulation past your erection and right up until the point where your urge to climax has arrived. Then stop; wait for your erection to go down, then begin again. What makes this different from edging is the goal isn’t an orgasm. According to Strong Health, some men use ballooning as many as 20 times a day to increase sexual desire, with some claiming that even after one round, their libido and stamina increase exponentially.
Although we’re dealing with a similar concept, the technique is going to be different too. As you would with any masturbation session, get your essentials: lube, maybe some porn, and your favorite vibrator of the moment. Because 75 to 80% of vulva-owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, a vibrator is practically a must for many. And, since you’re going to be practicing edging for an indeterminate amount of time, you also want a vibrator that isn’t going to result in carpal tunnel.
It should be noted that no matter whether you have a vulva or a penis, sex toys are your friends when it comes to edging.
If you have a penis and have yet to masturbate with a sex toy, then it’s time to introduce you to Bullet Vibes. The bullet vibe is small enough so it’s not intimidating for newbies, but still powerful enough to get the job done—especially in spots like the frenulum (the underneath part of the penis) which is very sensitive, as well as the testes, and the perineum. Even if you’ve been circumcised, your penis still has a bit of the frenulum remaining, so give it some vibrating attention.
First and foremost, you want to talk about consent. Not everyone is into edging, and even after you explain it to them, they still might not find it as their cup of tea. It’s at this point that you tell them that it’s totally cool and move on to try other things.
But should you find a partner who is into edging and would like you to perform edging on them, start as if you’re engaging in foreplay. In other words, get them as turned on as possible. If you know your partner well, you’ll know exactly how to do this. If your partner is new, then you’re going to need some communication from them about what it takes to get them fully arouse. Although some people say, “I’m going to come” right before they come, you want to ask your partner to be even more vocal about just how close they are to the edge. When they’ve reached the brink, stop. Let their body and mind ease back into a neutral place, then start stimulation again. Continue until your partner communicates that they don’t want to do it anymore and they’re ready to orgasm.
As for how many times you can edge before you orgasm, this is your call. You know your body better than anyone else. The same goes for practicing edging your partner; while you can do it as much as you want, when you’re ready to come, you need to communicate that to them, so they can finally let you have that fantastic orgasm that you worked so hard to get!
As for the possibility of getting “backed up” from edging, don’t worry about it: it’s not going to happen. If you have a penis and practice edging for even a couple hours, your ejaculation that isn’t released right away isn’t going to cause a problem. If you choose not to come at all, according to Healthline, the body will just bread down the ejaculation, recycle it, and send it on its way to other parts of the body.
If you’re engaged in the BDSM community, then there’s a good chance that you’ve already come across edging or, as it’s sometimes called in that circle, “orgasm denial.” In BDSM, the Dom decides when and how the Sub will orgasm. The Dom will use edging to taunt and tease the Sub, as the chance to climax for the Sub is all in the Dom’s hands. In these situations, edging is used as a power-play move to keep the Sub in line, while the Dom has all the control. For people who live the BDSM lifestyle, this is a delicious way to not only explore each other and their desires but fulfill fantasies, too. However, and this can’t be stressed enough, BDSM puts consent and communication above all else. And that being said, edging should be off-limits unless otherwise negotiated.
What is Edging? By Amanda Chatel originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz
No need to hang tight any longer (pun intended!): Here’s everything that you need to know about Kegel exercises.
Kegel exercises are the most widely practiced type of pelvic floor exercises that help with a myriad of symptoms (but more on that later!).
In 1948, American Gynecologist Dr. Arnold Kegel designed the first program of strength activities for the pelvic floor muscles. Named after Dr. Arnold himself, Kegel exercises involve repetitions of both prolonged or rapid voluntary contractions of these muscles – also known as clench and release.
Dr. Arnold’s program was created to help with urinary incontinence (UI) in women. Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles helps to improve the function of the urinary and rectal sphincter.
Kegels tone the entire hammock-shaped muscle infrastructure that holds your pelvic organs in place and ensures their adequate functioning. However, Kegel exercises bring many other benefits besides helping with and preventing UI.
By allowing you to get acquainted with your pleasure center, Kegels intensify your orgasms and sensations. Improving the tone of your pelvic floor muscles also increases how much of the vagina gets stimulated during penetration.
Practicing Kegels have also been shown to help experience the elusive female ejaculation a.k.a. squirting.
The main factors that impact the health of the pelvic floor and lead to dysfunctions are:
– Pregnancy and childbirth
– Excessive impact sports i.e. running, jumping, etc.
– Chronic cough
– Chronic constipation
– Age
– Excessive weight
– Genetic predispositions to connective tissue weakness
Now, this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t go running! It’s just important to get acquainted with these factors so that we can take preventive actions. A little bit of running, a little bit of kegeling 😉
Before we begin, let’s keep the following 3 things in mind:
1. If you’re experiencing symptoms such as discomfort during sex or urine leakage, check with a pelvic floor physical therapist before you start squeezing! The therapist will evaluate and provide recommendations on how you should exercise your pelvic floor.
2. Be very mindful of your breath during your Kegel session. It’s easy to hold our breaths without noticing while concentrating on what’s going on down there.
3. Make sure you are contracting the right muscles. Pay special attention and check that you are not contracting your lower abdomen or your glutes.
Now, let’s get our Kegel on and practice some exercises!
Lay down on a yoga mat and take a few deep breaths. Make sure that your back isn’t arched and is well supported.
Place one hand on your lower belly and the other over your vulva. Doing so will help you identify if you are doing your exercises correctly.
Now, exhale all the air, and as you inhale, think as if you are stopping your pee and contract your pelvic floor muscles.
Count 3, 2, 1. Then release and breathe out.
Repeat this 10 times and notice if you can feel an increased sensitivity in the pelvic and vulvar area.
This type of Kegel exercise is discreet yet effective. Seated Kegels are perfect for people that have to sit at the office for long hours or during a boring commute. Nobody will know, and you are making yourself more productive 😉
First of all, sit upright with your back supported on your seat. Make sure your hips and knees are aligned and become aware of your pelvic floor.
Next, imagine that you want to close the vagina or stop your pee – that’s what a Kegel feels like. This exercise will cause the pelvic floor muscles to contract.
Contract slowly and count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Now release and relax for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Repeat this 10 times. Be mindful of your breath. If contracting for 5 seconds initially feels like a bit of a stretch, feel free to bring it down to 3 seconds, ad work your way up to 5 with time and practice. (And please, don’t count out loud as it might confuse people lol!).
Observe and feel what happens to your pelvic area during the contraction and relaxation. The most important part is to gain the proprioception of these internal muscles.
While Kegel exercises are incredibly beneficial to work on your pelvic floor’s voluntary muscle fibers consciously, toys can help activate involuntary fibers. Involuntary fibers are those that go into action without us giving them orders to do so, such as when we cough or sneeze – thank goodness they intervene, am I right?
There’s been a lot of conversation around the prolonged use of Kegel balls and Jade eggs. These examples include articles recommending women just to run errands or walk around with a device inside.
It’s important to keep in mind that the vagina is not meant to be carrying extra weight inside while walking around or running. Relaxation, flexibility, and lengthening are needed when we move.
Seriously. The woman that used to walk around town with her yoni in for 10 hours and then had the most intense orgasm ever is a myth. Let’s focus on what’s healthy for you!
In the initial learning phases, it helps to use devices to practice kegeling.
Kegel toys can help you gain proprioception, learning to identify the spectrum from total pelvic floor relaxation to your maximum contraction. They offer additional support when exercising your pelvic muscles, and they come in 3 different levels that vary in size, shape, and weight.
Ben wa balls allow you to choose what’s best for you depending on baseline strength level and what feels comfortable.
The secret with kegel toys is not to wear them for too long. A 15-minute session here and there can be very beneficial… and kind of hot!
With Kegel exercises, it’s all about finding the right balance for yourself, and to turn it into a fun element of your self-care routine.
Kegel Exercises: An Expert’s Guide to Kegel Do’s and Don’ts originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz
Congratulations! You’ve found the moan-inducing and oh-so-elusive G-spot. Some women quite literally spend their entire lives in search of a genuine G-climax, and all that reaching and stretching and curving your toy at juuuust the right angle has finally paid off. So now what do you do to stimulate the G-spot (besides coming like a Queen)?
*This article on G-Spot stimulation is a follow up to Where is my G-Spot? Read All About It.
Your inner G is more than a one-trick pony. Now that you know where to hit the spot, we’ll show you how. We’ve cooked up all sorts of little tricks, tips and toys to stimulate the G-spot with and without a partner. On your mark, get set, ecstasy!
You’ve read all the sex articles, done your due masturbatory diligence, and now it’s finally time to reap the orgasmic rewards in style. As you might have learned during all those pleasure sessions, your G-spot works best when primed for penetration. Foreplay is fantastic, but there’s so much more you can do to stimulate your sexiest organ – wait for it – the brain (What did you think we were going to say? *wink*).
The next time you’re ready to get down, go all-out and turn your bedroom (or wherever your imagination takes you) into a sensual pleasure palace. (You might need to make a run to Bed Bath & Beyond. Don’t worry, we’ll be waiting when you get back.) Picture one of those classic romantic sex scenes from a movie: a room dimly lit by candles, black or red sheets tousled on the bed, tons of cozy pillows strewn about, and see-thru drapery outlining the room. If you’re not up for a ton of interior decorating, just grab some colorful scented candles, a few tea lights to line your dresser and nightstand, and some musky incense sticks. Light up those candles, turn off the lights and boom! Instant sex ambiance!
Now that your humble abode is sex-ified, it’s time to get to the good stuff. Oh yeah, we’re talking yummy foreplay, baby! Whether you’re flying solo or coupled up, your G-spot needs a slippery slide for an orgasmic splashdown. Work all your best angles outside your body to get the juices flowing inside. Touch your breasts; brush your hands over your nipples; tease your clit with some tapping and rubbing. Some of us love gentle caressing and kisses all over our bodies; others like to get a big ruffed up – or maybe you’re down for both. Find what kind of foreplay works for you and rock it!
If you’re going for G-explosions of the solo variety, some of your best tools and toys are already attached to your body. If you’re used to warming up or climaxing with a vibrator, using only your hands and fingers is a fun switch, and it even teaches your body to orgasm more easily from multiple kinds of stimulation. Start by putting a finger or two inside your vagina and experimenting with different kinds of pressure and stimulation to the G-spot. Try curving your finger to meet your front vaginal wall or tapping and swirling a finger pad or two around the G-spot. Keep changing it up until you find a mind-melting technique that is just begging to finish you off.
If you’ve got a partner, you can ride them into the sunset with awesome positions to stimulate the G-spot. Whether your partner has a penis or wears a strap-on dildo, take advantage of that upward curve in their skin or silicone member, which targets the G-spot’s location about 3 inches into your vagina, right where your front wall feels round and puffy.
Doggy style is an old favorite that’s also an A-plus move for direct G-spot stimulation. When you’re getting’ it from the back, your partner’s phallus or fingers are poised to slide right up against your secret spot as they move back and forth. Try angling your body in different ways to hit your G by starting on all fours and then lowering your chest all the way to the bed while arching your back and pushing your pelvis toward your partner’s movements.
If you’re more of a control freak, climb on top and use your legs and arms to change the depth and angle of penetration. There’s a lot more to the on-top position that you’d think! You can face your partner for tender kisses or straddle them backwards for a gorgeous view of that booty. You can also place your hands on the bed and lean forward or backward to stimulate all the walls of the vagina.
For an incredible blended orgasm – which combines both clitoral and G-spot sensations – hump your babe from the front, but instead of the usual up-and-down, grind your clitoris against their pelvis. Their member will still move around inside of you, but in a backward-and-forward motion that stimulates the G-spot intensely and creates some yummy sensations for your A-spot.
Whatever route you take, just remember there’s no right or wrong way to climax. Enjoy the fun of discovering your body. Because after all, the journey is the reward.
Getting to know the general terrain of an area you wish to explore is important to decrease the anxiety experienced by unfamiliarity. Here’s our complete guide on vulva anatomy.
This thought also holds true for sexual anatomy, and it is especially pertinent to females since their genital region is hidden, unlike the male genitalia which is up front and easily accessible. It is time to begin this exciting journey and become familiar with the vulva terrain, where you will be delighted to explore its pleasure-filled landmarks.
Vulva is a rather underused word and is often mistakenly substituted with the word vagina. The vulva is the external portion of the female genitals. While the opening to the vagina is part of the vulva, the vagina is a separate entity all its own.The vulva is the home of the pubic mound, or mons veneris, clitoris, urethral meatus, inner and outer labia (technically called the labia minora and labia majora) and vaginal opening. This area is rich in nerve endings which, when stimulated, are responsible for sexual pleasure.
The journey starts with the mons veneris (“hill” of the Roman goddess of love). This is the area that grows the bush of pubic hair (believed to produce pheromones for sexual attraction) and provides a protective layer of fat over the pubic bone. When caressed, this area can deliver arousing sensations to the woman.
Travel down the road and the next landmark is the clitoris. This incredible landmark has between 8000-9000 nerve endings, and its only purpose is pleasure! Incidentally, clitoral stimulation is responsible for over 75% of female orgasms.
The clitoris does not consist of only the pearl seen at the surface, but its crura extends under the vulva’s exterior and supplies pleasure-filled nerve endings to the entire vulva region. These nerve pathways are similar, yet uniquely positioned in each woman and the reason why what feels magical for one woman may not offer the same experience for another woman.
The urethral meatus lies below the clitoris and is the opening from which urine exits the body. It is surrounded by a layer of erectile tissue called the urethral sponge. When this area is sexually stimulated, it becomes engorged with blood and can offer exciting sensations for many women.
The vaginal opening originates in the vulva and ends at the cervix (lower portion of the uterus). It is not a tube, but rather a potential space made of skin folds that can expand to accommodate either the head of a penis or the head of a baby. It has been mistaken for the area in which women experience the most pleasure during sex, but in fact, less than 25% of women experience orgasm by penetration alone. Although resulting in fewer orgasms, vaginal stimulation can still supply immense pleasure. Typically, the greatest sensations are experienced in the first third of the vagina where the nerves from the clitoral crura and the G-Spot reside.
Originating at the base of the mons veneris, the labia surround the clitoris, urethra meatus, and vaginal opening. The inner labia, especially, are highly diverse, ranging from small and uniform to long and pendulous. The clitoral crura extends around this area, offering yet more areas of sexual pleasure.
It is important to remember that each vulva will appear as different as the noses on our faces; the size, shape, color, and hair of each terrain is unique. This diversity is normal!
Now it is time to look at your amazing vulva, and see just how beautiful it is! The two top ways to see your vulva are 1) leg up on a counter and 2) reclining with legs spread. Additional lighting and a mirror (or use your cell phone, but be careful not to accidentally send the pic!) will allow for the best view. Take the time to explore the colors, textures, and sensations, and become familiar with this amazing area which will provide you with exquisite pleasure.
You’ve shook hands with your boo and decided to work it out by sweating it out. But how do you ace the O and burst through the stress you’ve just had? Grab a toy and let it do the work for you! In this Pleasure Report, Tracy shares the 10 benefits of using sex toys with your partner, and also the best positions when you add a toy to the plate.
I always go by a motto when it comes to being in relationships: What’s good for me is good for us, or what isn’t good for me isn’t good for us. This motto is totally a great one to use when it comes to bringing sex toys into the bedroom with your partner.
Using sex toys doesn’t mean that you’re replacing your loved one’s body part for the other. It simply means you’re adding a little (or a lot) of toppings to your favorite ice cream from time to time. Yum. So, what’s good for us? Read on!
1 -Finding toys to excite your partner can be thrilling! When you find the one that takes you and them to a different level is a plus.
2 – Sex toys can increase your libido.
3 – Using sex toys on your partner allows you to focus on pleasing them rather than allowing your ego to focus on yourself.
4 – Just like lingerie or erotic games, sex toys are another avenue to raise good vibes in your body from head to toe.
5 – Does your tongue get tired trying to bring the clitoris to its final “O”? Applying a vibrating toy can give your mouth a rest or the option to kiss or suck on another body part.
6 – Vibration, in general, travels from body to body. So, whether you, your partner or both of you are wearing or holding a vibrating toy, the vibration will be felt when bodies are connecting.
7 – Up for a quickie? A sex toy can speed up the time to a faster orgasm while on the go.
8 – Sex toys are perfect for warming up the body during foreplay.
9 – Use that vibe as a massager to release muscle tension in minutes.
10 – Sex toys will forever be PPA friendly — Portable, Powerful & Adaptable!
Though some pros are excellent in jumping right into a desire sex position, most of us prefer setting the mood to be the catalyst of any positional play. So, here’s a great tip to keep in mind: We have 5 senses- smelling, hearing, tasting, touching, and seeing. Focus on at least 2 of the senses to stimulate your partner before getting into your positions. Stare into their beautiful eyes. Whisper sexy, sultry or dirty words into their ear. Use flavored lube to lick and suck on their most sensitive spots. Massage their butts. Light that scented massage candle for aroma. And have fun.
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Is your masturbation routine stuck in a rut? You’re gonna want to read this!
While studies have found that the majority of people do masturbate, sometimes we tend to get stuck in the same old routine. While nothing is wrong with having a masturbation routine, as human beings are creatures of habit, sometimes you need to spice things up. And, International Masturbation Month is the perfect time to take your masturbation game to new levels. Why? Because pleasure is a human right and you deserve to experience it in all its forms!
If you’re someone who tends to masturbate solely on your back or on your front, then flip. Masturbating on your back can feel really hot, as you lay there with your legs spread, but so can laying on your stomach, as you hump your way to orgasmic bliss.
Or, even better, get out of bed and try squatting or standing, or getting on all fours. There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate, and you might find that what you’ve become accustomed to isn’t exactly the best way for you—like, maybe you’ve actually been a legs-over-your-head masturbator this whole time, but you didn’t realize it until you gave it a try.
If you have a G-spot and have yet to locate it, stimulate it, or experience the pleasure it can bring to your masturbation routine, the time is now. Although most people with vulvas tend to rely on their clitoris for orgasms, once you start experimenting with your G-spot it can take things in a whole new direction.
Stimulating the G-spot can result in not just a vaginal orgasm, but can also lead to ejaculation. Yes! You can be one of those people who squirts! And, no, squirting is not urine. It may come from the urethra canal, as urine does, but it’s actually a clear liquid that can be released when the G-spot is stimulated for a certain amount of time. Granted, that “certain amount of time,” varies from body to body.
While this might conjure up that Broad City episode where Ilana props up a mirror above her so she can watch herself masturbate, there’s a reason why this is something worth trying: your genitals are awesome.
I once interviewed legendary sex educator, Betty Dodson, and this was a technique that she suggested because it really does give you a new perspective and watching your genitals respond to such stimulation is pretty hot.
Oh, edging! That’s exactly what you’ll be saying once you’ve given it a whirl and realized just how fantastic the impact it has on your orgasm. Edging is the practice of bringing yourself as close to orgasm as possible, then stopping. As in, a full STOP. Once the urge to climax has backed down, you do it again. And again. And as many times as you want.
Now, why would someone deny themselves over and over? Simple: it leads to stronger and, for some, even longer orgasms. Like any method of teasing, once you finally allow yourself to give in to pleasure, the experience is extra sweet.
We’re lucky enough to live in a time when so options, in regards to pleasure, are at our pleasure. One such thing that will give your masturbation routine and orgasms an extra kick are genital enhancing serums.
Whilst there are many on the market, I prefer sticking to an organic, body-friendly CBD product. Should you live in a state where marijuana is legal, you can also get your hands on their THC arousal lube. Both are great for those who struggle to orgasm because it puts your genitals at ease, relaxing them, and making climax easier to reach.
If you’re a visual person, as in visual things tend to stimulate you more than fantasies alone, then try watching some porn. No matter your kink or fetish, there is porn out there for you.
If you’ve never watched porn, but are intrigued as to how it can enhance your masturbation routine, ethical pornographer, Erika Lust and her XConfessions series is definitely something to look in to. Again, Lust has something for everyone and has, most recently, released a new erotic film, “Sex and Love in the Time of Quarantine,” which is more than fitting at the moment.
Whether you live with your partner or have been sexting someone who just met on an app, awaiting the day that you can meet IRL, mutual masturbation is a great way to discover not just your body, but the body of the person with whom you’re enjoying it with.
In person, you can practice mutual masturbation side-by-side or by watching each other stimulate your own bodies. If the person you want to mutually masturbate with isn’t physically accessible at the moment, as this sheltering-in-place is still in effect, then Zoom or FaceTime work too. Throw in some dirty talk while you each get yourselves off, and you have a recipe for not just another form of intimacy, but another way to make masturbating even more exciting.
In a world with so many sex toys to choose from, why would you masturbate with just one? If you’re someone who enjoys clitoral stimulation, as well as anal stimulation at the same time, combining a clitoral vibe with a vibrating butt plug, will have you singing Hallelujah in no time!
If you’re not a visual type of person and prefer worlds to get you there, so to speak, then reading erotica while you masturbate is a perfect way to enhance your masturbation routine.
Although finding the right erotica might be a trial and error process, similar to porn, there’s something for everyone. Authors like Colette, the Marquis de Sade, and Anaïs Nin are classic erotica writers, but if you’re looking for more current writers, Elena Ferrante and Sierra Simone, among others, also have some pretty hot words out on the market.
Although some moments call for getting in and getting out when it comes to masturbation, it doesn’t always have to be that way. Instead, seduce yourself by putting on your favorite arousing songs, lighting some candles, and donning something that makes you feel sexy. You can make an evening of it. Especially this International Masturbation Month since we’re all stuck at home—you might as well take your time.
When was the last time you bought yourself a new sex toy? If you have to pause, look up, and think, then it’s been too long and you need to spice up your masturbation routine!
The best part about International Masturbation Month is that sex toy retailers will be celebrating too and are likely to have sales (cough, Le Wand, cough!) on selected items. So buy yourself that toy you’ve been eye-spying for months and put it to use. Variation is the spice of life and, frankly, you more than deserve a new toy this year.
If you’ve never heard the term, “wetter is better,” then it’s time to get that thinking into your head. Whether you opt for a dildo to penetrate either your or your partner’s vagina or anus (prostate play, anyone?!) or prefer sticking to external toys that stimulate the vulva and clitoris, lube can make masturbation far more delectable.
The slippery smoothness of a water-based lube is exactly what your masturbation routine needs. Just be wary when purchasing lubes, as silicone-based ones don’t go well with silicone toys.
Fun fact: there’s more than one type of orgasm out there.
There are U-spot, G-spot, and A-spot orgasms among others! There are also people who can experience nipple orgasms and skin orgasms. And, of course, there are coveted multiple orgasms and blended orgasms. The latter involves experiencing an orgasm with both G-spot and clitoral stimulation at once.
Although it might seem, at first, that these might be difficult to achieve- practice, exploration, patience, and believing in yourself can get you there. The Little Engine That Could didn’t get over that mountain without a lot of determination and patience. But if she could do it, so can you!
When you realize there are so many other ways to experience pleasure, it not only takes your physical pleasure to new heights but opens your mind too.
13 Ways to Switch Up Your Masturbation Routine By Amanda Chatel originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz
Ever found yourself wanting more in bed? Sex educator Cassandra Corrado shares 6 proven strategies.
You’re lying in bed next to someone and they roll over to ask you how it was. “It was great” you lie, maybe giving them a kiss to make it seem more real. In reality, your rendezvous fell flat of your expectations.
Here’s the thing: If you don’t communicate your sexual wants to your partner (and you’re lying about what is fulfilling) then they can’t be expectations. They’re just wishes.
We’re rarely taught how to ask for what we want in bed. In movies, sex happens spontaneously — two people who are so turned on by each other’s presence, they have firework-inducing orgasms without ever telling each other what they want. In porn, you usually hop right into the scene without seeing the conversation that happened ahead of time. In sex ed, you were probably taught how to use a condom and how to “just say no”, but you probably weren’t taught how to have a real conversation about sex.
Advocating for yourself is something that takes practice, whether it’s asking for a raise at work or teaching your partner how to help you reach an orgasm. You might know exactly what you want, but if you haven’t practiced asking for it before, then you’re probably not getting it.
So, here are six strategies that can help you ask for what you want in bed (without wanting to crawl under the covers and hide there forever).
You might not feel confident talking about your desires in the bedroom, but that doesn’t mean you’re an unconfident person. You might have high levels of professional confidence (you kick ass at work and know it), high levels of self-confidence (you’re pretty cool with who you are as a person and you know what your strengths and weaknesses are), or maybe you have high levels of relationship confidence (you know how to advocate for yourself in a variety of relationship types).
So, do a confidence audit. Think about the realms of your life where you feel truly confident. What helps you feel that way? Is it your skill level, your support system, the feedback you’ve received, or something else entirely? Take note — that’s the context that helps you exist in a confident mindset. Now apply that same analysis to areas of your life where you feel unconfident. Why don’t you feel confident? Do you have a helpful support system? Do you get regular feedback? Do you have a history of trauma that’s related to this area?
Doing a confidence audit is basically like doing a SWOT analysis on yourself — it helps you understand where you’re strong, where you can improve, and what your opportunities for growth are. Plus, knowing the things that help feed your confidence in one realm can help you nurture your confidence in another — like talking about what you want in bed.
Sex talk isn’t just for your sexual partners. If you’re having a hard time talking to your partner about your sex life, your friends have probably experienced something similar. Even if they haven’t, participating in more open, casual conversations about sex and sexual pleasure can be a lower-risk way (emotionally) of talking about what you’re into.
It’s like a practice ground for a more intense, private conversation with your partner. Just make sure you figure out how much you’re comfortable sharing — especially with that one especially judgmental friend in the group.
If you don’t have friends who you feel like you can talk about sex with, skim your mental inventory and see if there’s anyone who you could. Maybe it’s your doctor or therapist, or maybe it’s your mom. The key is to create a space where you can talk about sex in a normalizing environment, rather than a stigmatizing one.
If you’re someone who doesn’t feel confident voicing your desires in the bedroom, then start with something basic: changing the setting. Talking about sex in the moment is important, but if you’re talking big picture desires, boundaries, and curiosities, it’s better to have that conversation with your clothes on.
Stripping down often makes us feel more vulnerable, and when we’re feeling vulnerable, we’re less likely to listen closely, advocate for our desires, and respond the way that we want to. Plus, talking about desire in the moment can lead to someone saying “yes” to something that they’re actually uncertain about because they feel pressure to respond right then.
So, take the conversation out of the bedroom. Make a cup of tea or pour a glass of wine and plan a “sex talk” date with your partner(s). Make it cozy and sensual — you’re designing the space to feel safe and open, just like the conversation itself.
Use a quiz or yes/no/maybe lists to create a playful atmosphere. Online tools like MojoUpgrade and We Should Try It have surveys where you can mark your sexual interests as yes, no, or maybe, and your partner can do the same. You do the quizzes separately and receive an email sharing the results of only the things you matched positively on.
We want to take some space to celebrate a part of life that often gets overlooked for moms — Self-pleasure.
We live in a culture that often de-sexualizes motherhood. Moms often feel pressured to appear 100% dedicated to their children with little room for their own multifaceted identities. And one massive part of being a human is your sexuality.
So what does it mean to be a mom and to be feeling yourself? There aren’t a ton of nuanced cultural models showing us the way here.
Melissa: Masturbation is a huge stress reliever and natural way for me to relax. I wear many hats as an entrepreneur, parent, and partner. Masturbation allows me to spend time immersed in my pleasure and connection to my body.”
Jess: Masturbation helps me tap into the sensual woman in me that doesn’t get to come out and play very often these days.
Jo: A lot of women go through this feeling that I’m a mom now. I can’t pleasure myself. Or, all my pleasure belongs to my children, all my joy belongs to my children, and that mentality was always dangerous to me. One of the things I discovered about masturbation is that it’s something I can give back to myself. It’s a way of honoring my body, of acknowledging my joy. It’s a gift that I can give back to myself. As a busy mom, I deserve not only to feel good physically through fitness or eating well, I not only deserve to feel good through my family life or with my partner, but I also deserve to feel good physically in my body.
Jess: Having kids has made me more in tune with my body. My last child was born at home with midwives at my side. The whole experience changed how I feel pleasure because I know exactly where I’m feeling pleasure. Epidurals numb everything, so being able to feel all of my body and muscles contracting gave me a mental roadmap of my body that I can follow when masturbating. Now I know where all the hot spots are!
Melissa: My body has experienced pregnancy and childbirth twice in the last 21 years. As a result, the changes my body has encountered along the journey of parenting have at times led to lower libido, less confidence in my appearance, impacts to my mental health and physical pain related to body changes. Reconnecting with my body during these experiences hasn’t always been easy. I’ve had to be intentional about the time and attention I put toward my pleasure–sometimes related to sex and sexuality, other times focusing in on non-sexual experiences that bring me joy–and not feel guilty about the process. Raising kids and juggling the many other demands within life can sometimes feel in direct conflict with attention to self and pleasure, but I’ve been parenting long enough now to realize that if I’m not taking care of me first, nothing else and nobody else will be cared for. So it’s imperative that I prioritize my pleasure routinely.
Jo: Once you become a mom, there’s this idea that you can no longer be sexy. Birthing a child is technically physical trauma so as a mom you look at your body in a completely different way because of this trauma. Trauma is an event that changes your perception in the world — motherhood and the fact that your body is changing changes the way you see yourself. You no longer see yourself as this sexual creature. I don’t see women like myself with stretch marks or looser skin looking sexy. Magazines and the media don’t label them as hot so how am I supposed to connect with this idea that I can also be sexy?
For me, I think sexy means beautiful, confident, strong and knowing yourself. It doesn’t mean sex to me. It just means this energy of confidence in yourself when you walk into the room.
It took saying, “You know what media and social media? I’m so over this idea that as a mom, I can’t be myself, I can’t celebrate myself. If self-pleasure or stepping into your sexuality is a form of celebrating yourself then why the hell not? Why as a mom am I denied that?” And when I have to ask myself who is denying that [pleasure] from me, I was like, “Fuck that’s myself…I’m the one who hit that subscribe button, and I can unsubscribe to that narrative any time I want.”
Melissa: I’m a big believer that time is always available; it’s a matter of how we prioritize our time. This society does a good job of imposing shame on acts of self-pleasure and sexuality. It also can construct a lot of barriers and stressors that can move us further away from our bodies and our wellness. I remind myself of this regularly, so I don’t internalize shame or guilt if ever I feel too exhausted or out of touch from self-pleasure. I recenter myself by things like journaling, deep breathing and openly communicating what I’m feeling to my partner and those closest to me.
Jess: My partner’s changing schedule and the daily grind of chores and general Mom business wears me out. Sometimes I’m just too tired. To make the time I try to schedule it for when I know I’ll be alone. Like in the shower, or while my partner is at work, she works nights, and make sure the kids go to bed on time.
Jo: Are you using it now to cope? That can be one of the things to look out for. There are days where I’m like, “Ah I’m so over today. I just want to masturbate all day long. I just want to make myself feel good. Don’t bother me.” So I think I have to self regulate sometimes and just ask myself, “Am I doing this because I’m pleasuring myself or am I doing this because I’m trying to run from something?”
I think what can get us in the way of trying to connect with [pleasure] is thinking that our pleasure as a woman is designed for somebody else and is supposed to be given to somebody else and I think that can be dangerous. That messaging has to be reframed and rewritten.
Jess: My best advice is to take time for yourself. Especially the stay-at-home mom’s like me. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a routine. And it’s even easier to forget the woman under the Supermom identity. Take time to remember the beautiful things about yourself inside and out. And seduce yourself! Don’t be afraid to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re sexy and deserving of pleasure. Take a hot sensual bath with yummy smelling oils and lose yourself in the moment.
Melissa: I stay connected to sex-positive content and thought leaders like Afrosexology, Emily Nagoski, Erika Lust, and Jet Setting Jasmine, to name a few. Their content challenges me to prioritize my pleasure, stay connected to my body, address old traumas, and it stimulates my senses. I also raise my children in a sex-positive way, which means we’re equipping them with the knowledge and tools that help them understand bodies, consent, pleasure, sexuality, relationships and the world around them without shame or taboo.
Doing so can feel like a rebellious act in this culture, but it’s important that my children position themselves for healthy, satisfying sex lives, regardless of how they choose to pursue and express themselves into their futures. I also regularly incorporate small acts of self-love like writing affirmations to myself and affixing them to my bathroom mirror, relaxing naked after showers for as long as feels comfortable, consuming my favorite foods and drinks regularly, and keeping quality lube on hand.
There is no one way to claim your pleasure. If it feels good, that’s enough. It does not have to be justified, explained or approved by anyone else. Pleasure is your birthright. The more we pursue it as parents, unapologetically, the more effectively we are modeling our value and worth, which can give permission for the children we raise to do the same.
Jo: One of the first things I would say is that motherhood is just womanhood. There’s no need to separate the two. It’s part of a woman’s journey should she choose to embark on that road. Stop isolating yourself as “just a mom” thinking that other women won’t be able to relate, or see you or hold space for you as you talk about certain things.
[Also], I will tell [my kids], “Mom needs about fifteen in her room.” It’s the same as, “Mom needs to take a shower for 15 minutes. Mom needs to take a phone call for 15 minutes.” I think the more mothers can get comfortable with placing boundaries around their time and the more they can communicate that openly with their children, the more the children will be so accepting of it. And they don’t need to know what you’re doing behind closed doors.
After speaking with these insightful moms, it’s clear that culture sometimes pits motherhood against self-pleasure, making you feel as if you have to choose between the two. However, these women are finding creative ways to own their sexuality and integrate it as a beautiful piece of motherhood. For the moms who don’t get asked nearly enough about their own pleasure, how do you tap into that creativity? What really makes you feel sexy? How can you make a habit of saying no to guilt and shame when you need to put your pleasure first?
Maybe you can try out your new line, “Hey, mom needs 15 minutes,” and go have a little date with your fave toy and some lube.
3 Moms On Why Masturbation Still Matters As a Busy Parent originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz