Is It Normal To Use Sex Toys?

It’s pretty common to wonder if we are the only ones doing something, when in reality what we are doing is totally normal. This is especially true for sexual experiences and the use of sex toys, largely due to societal influences.

Instead of openly talking about sex, society suggests that the subject should remain private. We have very limited sex education in the school systems and sadly, it does not teach us about sex and pleasure.

Uneducated children grow into self-conscious adults, who have often have difficulty communicating about sex. Sadly, this cycle continues as this discomfort towards sexuality is passed on to our children. So, under these circumstances, it’s only natural to not know what others around you are doing- because not many people talk about it openly.

…But guess what?! People all around you are using sex toys, and they have been for a very long time. Phallic symbols have been in existence since 500BC. Text from worldwide ancient societies mentions the use of phallic-shaped objects (including fruit, vegetables, and stone) for sexual pleasure. These objects were used in religious and magic ceremonies, not only as martial symbols but also to ward off evil spirits and bad luck. The Italians even had a word for this. They called these objects “diletto,” which means “to delight.” It was from this word that the term dildo was born.

In the late 1800s, the first vibrator was made. Early vibrators were big and bulky and used only by doctors to treat women with a condition called hysteria. Hysteria had many symptoms including, but not confined to, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, sexual fantasies, and desires, bloating, fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, shortness of breath, and trouble-rousing. Bringing women to orgasm was found to help alleviate these many complaints. Much smaller versions of these vibrators became household objects in early to mid-1900s and were referred to as marital aides or body massagers. In the 1960s, the sexual revolution brought pleasure products into public view, and with them, female orgasms became a more open topic.

Currently, sex toys are a multibillion-dollar industry (vibrators making up roughly 20% of sales, followed by dildos and personal lubricants) and this provides solid proof that people are enjoying them. Pleasure products are easy to purchase and are sold in department and drug stores, online and in sex boutiques. According to one source, AMAZON alone has 60,000 adult products online.

According to recent studies, sex toys are used by at least one person in roughly 50% of couples. Although men’s toys such as anal/prostate toys, sleeves, C rings and couples’ toys have expanded in use, women are more likely to be the toy-users. Wands are especially popular since they enable women to experience orgasms more consistently in their sexual encounters.

The age group between 18-24 use toys the least, most likely because it takes some time to become comfortable enough to purchase and use a toy. The highest user-group is age 35-44, at about 65%. Even couples 55 and older have a 50% use rate.

As sex toys become more prominent and society becomes more accepting of their benefits, the number of people using these products is expected to rise. Especially beneficial for older populations (as they lose partners, or their partners lose the ability for penetration), sex toys are wonderful tools as they provide stimulation that brings blood flow to sex organs and keeps these body parts in good working condition.

Vibrators not only produce genital pleasure but are also beneficial for massaging the sore muscles of these aging bodies. The message here is clear, sex toy use is quite normal. Pleasure tools have been around for ages, are used by many, and are here to stay.  It’s totally normal- so enjoy them without shame!

Is It Normal To Use Sex Toys? Originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

8 Masturbation Techniques Your Vulva Needs Right Now!

Sex date with yourself? Yes, please! No one knows your body like you, and that can make masturbation one of the most intimate and stimulating acts you can do with yourself.

Masturbation Benefits

Masturbation goes beyond orgasm by being an important act for self-exploration and body confidence and provides many benefits:

  • Relaxation and better sleep

Masturbation releases feel-good hormones like endorphins and oxytocin, which can lead to decreased stress levels and help you fall asleep faster.

  • Increased sexual confidence

Solo sex can lead to better partnered sex because you develop an understanding and appreciation of your body during masturbation and experiment with what might feel good on your partner as well.

  • Learning how to orgasm

Masturbation helps you tune into changes in arousal and discover techniques and hot spots that bring you pleasure as well as an opportunity for erotic and fantasy exploration.

  • Soothing menstrual pain

Masturbation releases the body’s natural pain killer chemicals that can help reduce the intensity of period cramps.

Masturbation Types

Just as there are many different ways to stimulate your body, there are many different ways for your body to react. Your body is capable of different types of orgasms depending on how you stimulate and explore your body and mind.

So, it’s important to know the various kinds of orgasms your body can have before settling on a technique:

  • Clitoral orgasms

The clitoris is like your personal shrine to nerve endings. Engaging with the clitoris can create pleasure bursts during different types of orgasms, but can also be stimulated directly for its own specific orgasm. This type of orgasm feels like a build-up followed by a tantalizing burst of pleasure.

  • G-Spot/Vaginal orgasms

The G-spot (or Gräfenberg spot) is not so much a specific organ or “spot” but an entire area of pleasure internalized within the clitoral system.

There is no “one spot fits all clitoris” map of where the G-spot is, so it is best to discover yours through personal exploration. Using fingers or a curved sex toy can generally find and stimulate the G-spot with a “come hither” motion within the first few inches of your vaginal canal, as it located more towards the pelvis than the back.

G-spot orgasms are often described as a deeper, full-body kind of pleasure that may build up with a feeling similar to when you have to pee. You may even experience squirting with G-spot orgasms.

  • Blended Orgasms

Erotic stimulation to multiple spots, for example, the clitoris and the G-spot, may lead to a combo of orgasms (AKA a blended orgasm) that can feel like they are a full-body response.

  • Anal Orgasms

The anus is full of nerve endings that can be stimulated (with or without anal penetration) using fingers or sex toys like butt plugs. The sensation is much more prominent with prostate owners by using prostate sex toys, but vagina owners can also find pleasure by activating their “A-spot” (or anterior fornix erogenous zone) which is located between the bladder and cervix. While it is located within the vagina, the A-spot is generally deeper than the G-spot and requires stimulation from behind (pun intended) to reach it. This orgasm can also be blended by double penetration, flanking the G-spot and A-spot simultaneously.

Best Masturbation Techniques

Beyond just knowing where your erogenous zones are is how to stimulate them in a way to reach orgasm, which, if you want to get the best orgasms (and have the most fun) requires more than just touching one spot.

Here are 8 amazing masturbation techniques for your vulva:

  1. Layer your pleasure

Increasing sensation in layers can encourage erogenous zones to fully arouse and be more receptive to stimulation.

Try layering with underwear on, and rubbing or stroking through clothing. Clitoral hoods, labia, and foreskin can act as layers too.

  1. Try edging

Edging is a technique that can help you gain greater awareness over your arousal build up and help you have multiple orgasms. Try masturbating to the point just before orgasm, slowing stimulation down, and repeating to create a build-up of pleasure.

  1. Explore dual-stimulation

Explore stimulating more than one erogenous zone at a time with dual vibrators, nipple clamps, and butt plugs.

  1. Use all of your senses

Activating your other sensory organs like the tongue and ears can greatly add to your orgasmic sensation. Moaning, verbalizing, taking long deep breaths, and tasting your own arousal fluids can all impact and extend your sensations and extend post-orgasmic pleasure. You can even utilize a mirror to enhance visual stimulation and improve body confidence.

  1. Warm up the vulva

Cup the vulva with your hand and squeeze, massage, or shake it.

Try rubbing with your hands or using a strong vibrator on the mons pubis (the mound above the clit) with increasing pressure to warm up the area.

  1. Approach the clit indirectly

Rub the clitoris through the clitoral hood or use your fingers or a vibrator around the sides of the clitoris in circles hovering near the clit but not directly on it.

Try making your fingers into a “V”, use some lube and explore rubbing the sides of the clit up and down experimenting with what pressure, speed, or even squeezes feel good.

  1. Play with penetration

Warm up to vaginal insertions by playing with the clitoris, then use lube on toys or your fingers to stimulate the vagina.

Start with a lubed up finger inserted about 1-2 inches inside the vagina. Curl your finger in a come hither motion towards the belly button. G-spots like firm and consistent pressure, so instead of thrusting with fingers, try wiping side to side or making circles with your fingers.

  1. Grind into your sex toys

Hold your sex toy still and hump it or gyrate your hips into it. Engaging the rest of your pelvis in masturbation can feel really sexy and generate more blood flow and arousal to your pelvis.

Masturbation Techniques for Penis-Owners

Penis-owners can also try switching up positions and masturbating with a partner. For even more penis self-pleasure, try these techniques:

  1. Try a vibrator

Pressing vibrators against the perineum can give stimulation to the prostate without anal penetration. Explore vibrators on the frenulum (the spot right under the head of the penis), the shaft, or the testicles.

  1. Combine penis and anal pleasure

Using a butt plug or a prostate sex toy while stroking your penis can provide a sense of fullness and stimulation to all the nerve endings of the anus.

  1. Play with edging

Use lots of lube and stroke to the point just before orgasm, then squeeze just under the head of the penis to stop ejaculation. This will take time to learn for penis-owners because ejaculation and orgasm happen seconds apart.

Masturbation is Self-Care

Masturbation helps us develop our own erotic relationships to ourselves, in addition to the ones we have with others. The more you know about your pleasure and your body, the better you can communicate with your partners – get to know more of you by doing you!

8 Masturbation Techniques Your Vulva Needs Right Now! Originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Why It’s Important to Switch Up Your Sex Positions

Solo sex is an integral part of any sexual identity for a number of reasons. The sex we have with ourselves is the most important sexual relationship we will ever cultivate in our lives. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at some of the reasons why we masturbate.

Solo sex has a variety of benefits including: better sleep, shorter and less painful periods (for vagina owners), increased confidence and self-image, relief of stress and sexual tension, better sex with your partner, higher overall sex drive, and it can help you relax and in general, boost your mood. Wow!

After reading all of that, it seems silly to think that we could ever feel guilty about touching ourselves when masturbation is clearly a tool of self-care. So let’s dive into some of the most common myths about masturbation and how to find a new Unicorn position (or three!) for yourself.

Myth #1: Masturbation is selfish, and being selfish is inherently bad.

Masturbation is selfish in the sense that it’s something that’s totally and completely for yourself. But that isn’t a bad thing! If we peel back another layer and dive a little deeper from a holistic point of view, we can begin to see how solo sex is also a tool of self-love.

Masturbation is a wonderful and intimate way to reconnect with our bodies. We live in a world where body and mind generally seem to be divorced. Creating intentional space to devote to exploring our bodies and discovering where and how we derive pleasure is a sacred form of self-expression. Devoting time to our personal pleasure is a radical act of honoring our need to slow down and immerse ourselves in the present. In this form, masturbation is a grounding exercise.

Myth #2: Masturbation is just masturbation.

There are many benefits to solo sex beyond self-pleasure. Another valuable aspect of solo sex is that it can help us better understand our wants and needs. Being able to identify and communicate our wants and needs is a crucial element to any successful relationship, including the relationship we have with ourselves. How do we go about identifying these things? Patience, practice, consent, and compassion. Start by identifying your desires and holding space for them without judgment. It takes time to understand our bodies and how they operate. By being gentle, we take the pressure to perform off of ourselves and make our bodies more available to pleasure.

So often in solo sex, the sole intention of a session is to achieve orgasm. Most of us want to bust a nut and pass out after a long day, thus masturbation becomes a means to an end. When we remove the mindfulness from masturbation it becomes, in a sense, impersonal; more of an obligation than a practice in pleasure. Our instant gratification society conditions us to become impatient at anything that takes longer than 30 seconds. This is why, for some of us, masturbating can be frustrating if we have difficulties connecting with our bodies. Unfulfilled expectations of a quick and easy orgasm leave us feeling even more detached from ourselves, eager to fill the void.

Myth #3: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Because of these sexual anxieties, it’s understandable that when we find a routine that works (works meaning it feels good and leads to climax) that we choose to stick with it. As the saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” As people, we are innately creatures of habit, but is that necessarily a good thing when it comes to solo sex? If the perspective we have of masturbation is as a means to an end, we might be satisfied in the immediate present, but it could potentially affect the future of our personal pleasure. Here’s why it’s important to switch up our sexual routines.

Masturbating in the same position with the same toy or in the same manner can routinely condition our bodies to only receive pleasure in that specific way. This can lead to a certain level of desensitization, making it harder and take longer to achieve orgasm, which can put a strain on personal and partnered sex and limit our pleasure potential.

To have a better understanding of our pleasure potential, it’s important to take time to experiment with various toys, strokes, pressures, and positions. This will give us more information about our sexuality and how we receive pleasure. Our sexuality and our bodies are dynamic and change over time. Switching up positions and keeping our solo sex routine fresh will ensure we are connected and aligned with our pleasure potential in the present and future. The more open we are to receiving pleasure, the more pleasure will be integrated into our lives!

Switch up your solo sex positions!

Here are some fun positions to explore in your masturbation routine:

  1. On Your Back

This is a popular position for most folks because our genitals are easily accessible from this position, but if this is your go-to, challenge yourself to try something new. Spreading your legs wide in this position will open your body up to receive more pleasure. Also, moving your hips up and down (or in a circular position) will heighten sensitivity.

  1. On Your Front

If you are a fan of grinding, this is the position for you! In this position, you are lying face down and humping your hand, a pillow, the mattress, or your favorite toy. On Your Front is great for people who enjoy pressure on their clitoris. You can generate pleasure in this position fully nude or with your panties on for added friction and heightened stimulation.

  1. On Your Knees

Where are my doggy-style enthusiasts at? On Your Knees is a table-top position that is fabulous for clit stimulation. Like in most of these positions, humping motions are recommended. Also, if you’re into butt plugs (plugs, beads, vibrators, or any form of insertion), you’ll want to give this a try. The angle of doggy-style makes access to your bum ideal for anal stimulation. It also allows for full control over how deep you want your penetration to go.

  1. The Assisted Lover

This position takes the classic On Your Back to the next level by focusing on G-spot stimulation. You can achieve this in a couple of ways. First, while lying down on your back, put a stack of pillows or a pillow wedge under the small of your back to elevate your groin (think p*ssy pointing at the ceiling). Second, sit up on your tushie and put a stack of pillows or the wedge behind you to recline on.

Reclining and lifted positions are great for g-spot stimulation and make self-penetration easy, pleasurable, and fun.

  1. Mirror, Mirror

This position really turns it on! What’s sexier than watching yourself get off. Utilizing a mirror in any position that feels most comfortable to you — and allows you to soak in your pleasure — is what this position is about. Watching yourself in a mirror gives you pleasure feedback in real-time, allowing you to see what pressures and strokes feel best for you. Mirror, Mirror is also great for building sexual confidence!

  1. Stallion Squat

Naming this one after Megan Thee Stallion because she has the strongest knees in the game and is exactly what you should be channeling in this position.

The Stallion Squat is for folks who love deep penetration. Using a suction cup dildo and lube (and the strength of your knees and legs), lower yourself onto the dildo to penetrate your deepest erogenous zones. If your knee game isn’t up to par, use a chair or a wall to assist you. Your comfort, as always, is a priority!

  1. Lotus Butterfly

Perhaps after giving the Stallion Squat a try, you might want to relax into the Lotus position.

Sitting upright while spreading your legs, this position offers heightened clitoral stimulation and creates tension in your pelvic muscle, which can lead to stronger, more intense orgasms. If you really want to take things to the next level, try adding breathwork to this sexual meditation.

  1. Wet N Wild

Some of you may be familiar with solo sex in the bath or shower. You can achieve this by running bath water over your clitoris or, if you’re lunch enough to have a detachable showerhead, standing and directing the stream of your nozzle head over the same area. One of my favorite things about this position is that it gets you out of the bedroom and into a space in which you might not normally masturbate. Sometimes, just getting out of the bedroom and masturbating in another safe and discreet location is enough to make your body feel alive again! Get creative in your apartment, but be mindful if you have roommates.

 

Masturbation Mythbusting: Why It’s Important to Switch Up Your Sex Positions by Shelby Sells originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Unicorn Special Edition Sets from COTR brands b-Vibe, Le Wand and The Cowgirl

Introducing three new Unicorn Special Edition Sets from COTR brands b-Vibe, Le Wand and The Cowgirl.

The sets feature one of COTR’s signature pleasure devices reimagined and paired with an assortment of Unicorn-themed accessories and merch.

Each set is pleasure-centric, all-inclusive, and encourages exploration of the many ways to stimulate the body. Featuring a popular b-Vibe plug, Le Wand massager, and premium sex machine, the Unicorn Collection offers something for every body.

The fun, magical Unicorn-themed art is incredibly eye-catching, colorful and inviting. Not only does it adorn the pleasure devices themselves but is also featured on the included array of playful accessories and collectible items.

b-Vibe’s Unicorn Plug is a medium-sized plug with a removable multicolor tail and a twist texture, six vibration patterns and ten levels of intensity. The set also comes with the “Guide to Living Your Unicorn Life,” a unicorn backpack, glow-in-the-dark stickers, enamel pin and the “Guide to Anal Play.”

Le Wand’s Unicorn Wand is the classic rechargeable Le Wand that’s been updated with unicorn-themed art on the handle and offers vibrations in 10 speeds and 20 patterns. This special edition set includes a textured “horn” attachment, a drawstring pouch for storage and travel, an educational “Pleasure Guide,” a card for gifting, stickers, a keychain and an iron-on patch.

The Unicorn Premium Sex Machine is the latest reinvention of the classic Cowgirl, updated to be gender-inclusive. The Unicorn Set features two attachments offering penetrative and non-penetrative stimulation, a corded LED remote, a detachable rainbow tail flogger, a rainbow-tinted floor mat and matching slip-resistant silicone base.

 

 

Le Wand Unicorn Wand Limited Edition Set

Get ready to enter a fantasyland of unicorns, rainbows, and magically powerful orgasms with the new Le Wand Unicorn Wand — An 8-piece limited edition set for solo and partnered play!

Featuring 10 distinctive, rumbly vibration speeds and 20 vibration patterns, the Le Wand Unicorn Wand provides satisfying vaginal or anal stimulation with the included twisty texture attachment. The Unicorn Wand’s soft silicone head and flexible neck allow it to conform to your body for comfort, while the long handle and easy-to-use controls allow for effortless maneuvering.

Every item in the Le Wand Unicorn Wand Limited Edition Set is there to remind you of the magical charm of pleasure. These include:

  • A limited-edition Unicorn Wand
  • Silicone texture attachment for internal stimulation
  • A drawstring pouch for convenient storage and adventures on the go
  • A gift card, keychain, woven patch, and a set of puffy stickers adorned with unicorns
  • Brand new Guide to Living Your Best Unicorn Life

Features:

  • Massage wand
  • 10 Speeds and 20 vibration patterns
  • Easy controls
  • Includes a unicorn horn textured attachment for internal stimulation
  • Also includes storage pouch, gifting card, keychain, woven patch, and a set of puffy unicorn stickers
  • Rechargeable – charging cord included
  • 1 Year warranty provided by Le Wand
  • Body-Safe Silicone & ABS

 

b-vibe Unicorn Plug Limited Edition Set

Gallop into a world of sunshine, lollipops, and butt stuff with the new b-Vibe Unicorn Plug Limited Edition Set — A 6-piece collection to thrust you into the magnificent world of anal!

Featuring a uniquely magical twist texture to our medium-sized plug, this vibrating hole horn is specially designed to send you into euphoria with 6 vibration patterns and 10 levels of intensity. Find a treasure trove of fun at the end of the rainbow with the plug’s 19″ removable tail. Made from easy-to-wash synthetic fibers, the multicolor locks are perfect for fantasy play and can be easily removed to enjoy your mystical plug anywhere.

The b-Vibe Unicorn Plug Limited Edition Set features the ultimate fun accessories to show off your pride:

  • Vibrating textured unicorn plug with a removable 19″ rainbow tail
  • Glow-in-the-dark sticker set
  • A limited-edition b-Vibe enamel pin
  • A unicorn backpack to strut your stuff around town
  • The sex-educator-approved Guide to Anal Play
  • A brand-new Guide to Living Your Best Unicorn Life

Features:

  • Vibrating plug
  • Swirl texture
  • 10 Speeds and 6 patterns
  • Optional 19” tail clips on magnetically
  • Also includes sticker set, b-Vibe enamel pin, backpack, and 2 guides
  • USB rechargeable – charging cable included
  • 1 Year warranty provided by b-vibe

 

The Cowgirl Unicorn Premium Sex Machine

Get ready to ride the rainbow.

Fill your treasure cave with magic on our Unicorn Premium Sex Machine, a horn-y special edition twist on the classic Cowgirl design.

Gear up for solo or partner play wherever your partner might be! Use the LED remote for quick and easy settings adjustment, or use the app to play with your partner at a distance. Take full control of your power, rotation, and pattern at the touch of a dial.

This Special Edition Premium Sex Machine features a horn-y twist on two fun fantasy attachments for penetrative and non-penetrative stimulation while retaining the same award-winning functions of The Cowgirl: 1200 RPM of ultra-powerful vibrations, 360 swivel rotation, a slip-resistant silicone base, and made entirely of premium, vegan leather. But this 5-piece set includes even more.

Featuring a corded LED remote, two unique penetrative and non-penetrative attachments, a detachable rainbow tail flogger, and an ethereal skies floor mat to help contain all the powerful vibrations from this supercharged sex machine. Plus, with 400 lbs of weight capacity, The Unicorn is your perfect adventure partner for solo or couple’s rides.

Features:

  • Premium sex machine
  • 1200 RPM of ultra-powerful vibrations
  • 360 Swivel rotation
  • Slip-resistant silicone base
  • Made entirely of vegan leather
  • Includes 2 textured attachments
  • Also includes a detachable 19.5″ rainbow tail flogger and a 31.5” x 35.5”  floor mat
  • Control with the LED remote or via the app
  • 1 Year warranty provided by The Cowgirl

Masturbation Mythbusting: Solo Sex & Social Distancing

 

We’ve all been discovering ourselves a bit more often than normal this past year, but can too much solo sex ruin your next in-person encounter? LMFT Shadeen Francis breaks down a Q&A on socially distant solo sex in this edition of Masturbation Mythbusting.

Myth 1: Long-distance sex is less intimate than in person.

Q: I am socially distanced from my partner but we want to still be sexual with each other. I don’t know if we can still connect. I have heard of sexting and stuff but I’m not really sure how. I don’t know if it’ll feel like intimacy if we are just sending pictures and touching ourselves.

A: I know it’s not the same, but connection while socially distanced is not impossible! The research on dating during the pandemic is actually showing that separation has made people more intentional about dating: they are spending more high-quality quality-time with one another, are having deeper and emotional conversations, and are finding ways to be more creative on dates. So there is hope!

Technology is a tool, and we can use it to help us overcome barriers to connection. Let’s start with getting some clarity on “intimacy” between you and your partner. What feels like an intimate connection to you?

Is it seeing each other’s faces? Then you might try being sexual on a secure video platform. Does hearing their voice feel most intimate for you? Think about exchanging lust-filled voice notes or having sex dates over the phone. Do their words really inspire you? Try writing erotic letters or sensual emails. You might also explore Bluetooth controlled sex toys for some long-distance sexual touch! There is a lot of room to get creative, but it starts by thinking about what you need.

Myth 2: Too much solo sex can ruin partnered sex.

Q: I love having all this time for solo sex but worry about when it’s time to date again. What if nobody feels as good as my vibrator? Have I ruined myself for future lovers? Should I just skip the dating scene and marry my toys now?

A: You can go ahead and cancel that reception – it is a widespread myth that vibrating sex toys desensitize your vulvas to partners. Although human bodies can rarely imitate the speed, intensity, or consistency of sex toys, masturbation does not put your partnered sex at risk. On the contrary, it most often helps people better understand what arouses them and what feels good on their bodies.

Be sure to share what you learn with your future partners. Whether it is a tour of your toy collection or a sexy game of Simon says, it is important that you help your partners understand what you enjoy. We are ultimately responsible for our pleasure, but it is always nice to have some helping hands! And if you’ve already committed to marrying your vibrator, consider making your partnered sexual experiences a 3-way and include your favorite toy in the action!

Myth 3: You have to have solo sex to be a sexual person.

Q: I think I am asexual and like sex but what if I don’t really enjoy masturbation? It feels good and I’m not ashamed I just don’t really like it. Am I just not actually sex-positive?

A: Then don’t do it! My belief is that sex is always about pleasure, and that includes solo sex. If masturbating does not feel or sound pleasurable to you, that is okay. You absolutely do not have to masturbate to be a sexual person, nor do you have to touch yourself to feel pleasure.

Being sex-positive is about respect for the diversity of sexual identities and genders, honoring people’s boundaries, and supporting everyone’s freedom to make informed choices about their sexual lives. Sex positivity doesn’t mean any kind of sex is necessary! Think about what would feel good to you and protect intentional, uninterrupted time for that. It could be a good meal, a long walk, a favorite movie, an art project — whatever you choose, if you can do it without shame or harm to yourself or others, it is perfect.

Masturbation Mythbusting: Solo Sex & Social Distancing by Shadeen Francis originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Pleasure in Every Room

It’s time to focus on what gets you off with pleasure for the body and mind in your sex space.

What do I mean by sex space? Simply put, it’s the space where you typically prefer to have sex in your home. You know, the boom-boom room, the nookie corner, or simply put- your playroom.

I recently moved to Detroit aka “The D”, to a new apartment with lots of space. Frankly, that means there’s a lot of sex space that I need to christen. For the most part, in my solo sexual experiences, I’ve always considered the bedroom to be the epicenter of play. A little warm-up in the shower, or maybe a hot sex scene in a film gets me going. Then I head straight to the bedroom!

So, I’ve been exploring new ways to bring my toys and play outside the bedroom and I’ve been enjoying the opportunities each room has to offer.

Living Room

Obviously, there’s space to make anything go in the living room. From wands to butt plugs to pussy pumps, sex machines, strokers, and more, the living room has been my warmup space for pleasure-making since my first place. However, I noticed that there are often missing essentials needed in the living room. I mean, there’s always the standard pleasure accessories needed, right?! Lube, toy cleaner, and a towel for quick clean up are always a part of my experience.

My go-to pleasure tools will have to be chosen in the moment, depending on what mood I’m feeling. So, if you can, a small drawer or secret stash with a few toys (small and large)- and those previously mentioned pleasure accessories- are clutch to have in your living room.

Bathroom

Playing in the shower is power!

Make sure to bring lube into the shower ya’ll! I know some of yous (with my Philly accent) are saying water is enough to create the moisture that I need. Incorrect, my friend.

Your shower water simply cannot act as lubrication for your body. Body wash, soap, or hair conditioner can cause irritation leading to yeast or bacterial infections, UTIs, or unwanted dryness. So lube, lube, lube.

If you’re not playing with a silicone pleasure tool (silicone lube is not compatible with a silicone toy!), use silicone lube for the shower. It will reduce friction and irritation during your play. Silicone lube will stay on your body even in the shower, making it ideal for sex in the shower. Plus, it cleans off fast with soap and water. Just make sure you clean the shower surfaces afterward since this lube is ultra-slippery.

Office

Ever since the pandemic, my home office has been my mecca for educating folks all over the world! This is my new normal, Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5, Zoom meeting professional style that I’ve had to adapt to, hard core. Yet, there are some things that were needed to establish a work-life balance.

One strong essential to that balance was to implement breaks in between my daily routines. And yes, that break can sometimes include a masturbation session. Believe me friends, a daily mid-dose of masturbation equals rejuvenation and serotonin released.

Kitchen

Although the kitchen can be questionable and seldomly used as a sexual playground, there are a few erotic game moves that can be enjoyed, especially with the use of sex toys.

Few things to consider, lube comes in many varieties, and adding lube is a totally a plus. Enter the ultimate kitchen cabinet lube- coconut oil. This edible and natural personal lubricant absorbs into the body with its moisturizing properties. Plus, it’s beneficial for the skin. Just make sure to separate your cooking oil from your personal lube!

Your selection of toy play is endless. Hell, you can ride a sex machine with the door opened sucking on a popsicle on a hot day. Or have a palm-sized vibe in your underwear, sitting on a chair, while eating ice cream, your favorite cereal, or whatever your vulva and taste buds desire!

Add a little fun game to mix. Try to masturbate before your timer on your microwave or toaster oven finishes cooking your upcoming meal. Not only can you increase your libido multiple times, but you also enjoy beating your record over and over again! Huzzah!

Wherever you decide to create a new sex space, make sure you enjoy it more than once. It takes us a few times to get adjusted to playing in a new scene, so have patience and remember that novelty adds fun to your solo and partnered sex.

Quick tip for roommates, privacy is key. So, feel free to stuff a towel or blanket at the bottom of your closed door to help soundproof your sex space.

…And if you live in an apartment, consider toys that might be a little quieter from your collection, unless you’re happy to share your sexcapades with your neighbors! LOL!

Masturbation Pleasure in Every Room by Tracy Felder originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Can We Be Too Reliant on Vibrators?

Masturbation is a socially-distant activity that makes “self-isolation” more like “self-investigation.” But after months of going to town with your favorite sex toy, (the pandemic version of “going out”) you may be wondering if you’re getting too reliant on your vibrator. You think about her when you hear a love song at the supermarket. You dream about her at night. At this point, you can’t even picture getting off without her. Are you addicted? Codependent? Do you need to scale it back? Is it time to kill the buzz?

Before we dive into the “vibrator addiction” debate, I’d like to bring your attention to, well, you. If you’ve found a sex toy that brings you pleasure—congrats! Unless you went to a super progressive private school where you called teachers by their first names, your sex ed class likely skipped over pleasure/masturbation/orgasms, (especially for women/humans with vaginas).

The lack of sex-positive sex education, plus the lack of positive media representation, plus the immense societal stigma and shaming of “female”/humans with vaginas pleasure hinders women/people with vaginas from learning about their bodies and their orgasms in an empowering, safe, and non-judgemental way. It’s also a large reason behind the orgasm gap, or the studied and documented discrepancy in orgasms between cis men and cis women. (Like this 2017 study from Chapman University, that found on average, straight men orgasm 95% of the time during partnered sex, while straight women only finish 65% of the time).

Needless to say, women/people with vaginas aren’t exactly set up for sexual success. From slut-shaming to contraceptive deserts, the road to “owning our pleasure” is hardly an easy one. It’s a big deal to charge of sexuality, prioritize your pleasure, and find what works for you and your body. And if your vibe is bringing good things to your sex life — you don’t need to feel embarrassed or worried about it. The “don’t get too reliant on your vibrator” rhetoric isn’t rooted in science or anatomy, it’s rooted in sexual shame and fear-mongering.

Take this 2009 study from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University, Bloomington, and The Kinsey Institute, of 3,800 women aged 18-60 that found vibrator use was linked to heightened physical and psychological well-being and positive sexual function. Or this 1996 study from Syracuse University that found the majority of assigned female at birth (AFAB) vibrator users had better and more orgasms when using vibrators during both solo and partnered sex.

Pretend for a second that you’ve never used a vibrator. Let’s, say, you only masturbate with your hands, and you manually stimulate yourself when having partnered sex. Would you be worried you’re “too reliant” on your fingers? Addicted to hand stuff? Probably not.

So, let’s get rid of this fear of “vibrator addiction.” Marie Kondo that shit and put it in the Goodwill bin with that paisley Free People top you were always iffy about. If “vibrator addiction” doesn’t exist, (and for the record, vibration addiction doesn’t exist) then what are you questioning? Why are you worried you’re “too reliant” on your vibrator? That’s where you’re gonna find your answers.

For example:

  1. Are you getting bored of your masturbation routine?
  2. Are you losing sensation on your clit? Are you unable to finish without a vibrator?
  3. Are you sheepish about using toys with your partner? Are you afraid that toys make sex less “intimate” or “natural”?
  4. Are you intrigued by using your hands and wondering why you stopped using them?

Some of these are practical problems with practical fixes. Yet, some of these are more emotional/societal issues that call for open communication and an attitude adjustment.

  1. What to do if you’re in a masturbation rut:

It’s time to switch things up. Masturbate in front of a mirror, on a chair, or in a new position. Listen to audio porn. Try using your hands instead of a toy. Masturbate in a different room or different part of your bedroom. Try a metal or glass toy. Try a butt plug. Masturbate on FaceTime with someone. Use lube. Make masturbating a novel experience for yourself, treat it like you would treat a hot hookup, put on your sex undies, light a candle. Romance yourself.

  1. What to do if you’re worried about losing sensation or have noticed some sensation loss:

First and foremost, don’t panic. You haven’t broken your clit. If you really like to crank your vibe, or if you tend to put direct pressure on your clit to orgasm quickly, you’ve likely gotten used to the intense sensation, and may “rely” on that to finish. (I.e. your tolerance for sensation is higher, ergo it takes more sensation to finish.) For now! Rest assured you can ease yourself back into finishing from other types of stimulation. Try using a lower setting, or using your hands for a bit, and masturbating without the “goal” or having an orgasm, meaning playing around and following good sensations, not rushing to finish. Use lube. Use more lube. Take deep breathes and try to relax into it. You’re not going to cum if you’re stressed out about not cumming.

Yet, this is where the attitude adjustment comes in, if you’ve scaled back on the sex toys and you still find you’re unable to cum without a vibrator…then my dear, use your vibrator. Lest we forget, the majority of people with vaginas can’t orgasm from penetration alone. That means, we need extra stimulation (most often clitoral) as we’re getting it on. If you’ve found something that makes you feel good, use it! As long as everything is consensual, there are no bad orgasms.

  1. What to do if you’re sheepish about using toys with a partner or worry that it makes sex less “intimate”:

Using toys doesn’t make sex “intimate” or “natural”. It just doesn’t. Frankly, if something is making you have a better time, that sounds more intimate. Using a toy with a partner will likely take the pressure off when and if you’re going to finish and let you relax into the moment. It will nip any “How can I never finish” resentments, and let you connect deeper to your partner. It will help your partner understand what sensations you like. It may even help you and your partner orgasm at the same time. If all of that is not intimacy, I don’t what is.

Adding a toy in the bedroom doesn’t have to be some big or weird conversation, you can talk about it the way you’d talk about protection, “Hey, mind if I grab my vibe?” Or express that toys are there to heighten the experience you’re having, “It feels so good when you’re in me, I’m gonna put my vibe on my clit to really send me over the edge.” There is no competition between your partner (or your own hand!) and a toy, consider them all like sexy tapas, they all taste different and there’s room for them all.

  1. What to do if you’re intrigued by using your hands and wondering why you stopped using them to masturbate:

Good question! Why did you stop? Are you uncomfortable touching yourself? Were toys quicker? Do toys feel better? Do you like them more? If you’re feeling intrigued by your hands, try ditching your toy for a week.

Bring a hand mirror and watch yourself. Learn what sensations you feel in different places. Use lube. Remember you can always grab a toy when you need it. And if you realize you prefer using toys, great. We welcome all pleasure, manual or mechanical.

 

Masturbation Mythbusting: Can We Be Too Reliant on Vibrators? by Griffin Wynne originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee?

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

If your only experience with squirting is limited to seeing it in porn, you’ve probably convinced yourself that there’s no way that act is real.

While there hasn’t been as much research as other bodily functions dedicated to figuring out the science behind squirting, documentation of ejaculation in vulva owners goes all the way back to the kama sutra. And numerous studies since have found that some vulva owners do indeed expel fluid during orgasm. A study from 1984 concluded that 54% of vulva owners experienced an “orgasmic expulsion of fluid” at least one time and 14% experienced it almost every time they reached orgasm. A 2017 study concluded that 69% of vulva owners between 18 and 39 had experienced ejaculation during orgasm. So yes, squirting is real.

Squirt is pee

First, I want to clarify that there is some urine in precum and ejaculatory fluid in penis owners. So, yes— there is some pee in all ejaculate fluid, but it’s not all pee. It’s all a combination of ejaculatory fluid as well as urinary fluid. There is both urea and creatinine, which can be mistaken for urine. Ejaculate is an alkaline liquid, similar to prostate fluid; think of it like ejaculate from a penis without the sperm (like juice without pulp, if you will). The liquid is usually clear to yellowish, and thinner than the slippery lubrication vaginas create. If the similarity to pee still makes you feel uncomfortable, try peeing right before sexual activity. If your bladder isn’t full, you can rest assured that whatever’s coming out of you is not pee.

Vulva owners have tissue surrounding their urethra, called the urethral sponge. This is all part of the internal clitoris (the G-spot is the spot closest to the root of the clit) and is actually very similar to the erectile tissue in a penis. When you’re turned on, the clitoris and urethral sponge swell and essentially become erect. There are tiny glands in and right next to the urethra on the front wall of the vagina, called Skene’s or paraurethral glands, and they can fill with fluid when you’re turned on. The Skene gland is biologically similar to the prostate. Urine is present in the fluid because these glands are so close to the urethra. Part of the reason this myth is so unending is because, when vulva owners are going to squirt, they often feel like they have to pee. That feeling is misleading because when you’re turned on, the tissue around your urethra gets filled with blood, which will press against your bladder, making you feel like you need to pee. But trust me, it doesn’t mean you’re actually going to pee yourself. The simple solution? Go to the bathroom before playtime. So then, with an empty bladder, you can be confident that you’re squirting and definitely not peeing.

Squirting and Ejaculation are the same thing

These are harder to define since squirting isn’t a medical term and it’s hard to quantify colloquial terms. Squirting typically describes the release of a fluid that’s clear and colorless, where ejaculation is used to describe the release of another kind of fluid that is often white and milky, includes prostate-specific antigens (PSAs) and other compounds found in semen. Squirting typically involves a larger amount of fluid being released, sometimes described as “gushing” or “geyser-like,” whereas female ejaculation alone is usually a pretty small amount of fluid. These two different types of release can happen independently or simultaneously of one another. This makes it not only harder to research, but to explain the information. it’s likely more accurate to say that there is ejaculation, which is the same as squirting.

All vulva-owners can squirt

So, yes and no. While I wouldn’t tell anyone that they’re incapable of squirting, I also wouldn’t say that everyone squirts. This research suggests that anywhere between 10 and 50 percent of vulva owners noticed involuntary ejaculation. The issue is that it’s not always obvious that it happened. If you’ve ever had sex and found yourself in a big wet spot on the bed, it’s possible that you squirted without ever noticing. Think of it like sweating; while everyone sweats, some people sweat more than others. Some people’s Skene’s glands may be on the smaller side or simply less active than others, or there might be scar tissue blocking the ducts. You might be holding yourself back because you might mistakenly think you’re going to pee. Or perhaps, you just might not have ever had their urethral sponge stimulated enough (or in the necessary way) to actually ejaculate. It can take a lot of exploration of your own body, just don’t put too much pressure on yourself, it can be counterproductive.

The porn you’ve seen may make it look easy, but not everyone finds it pleasurable or even comfortable. The bottom line is Everyone is different. The body doesn’t follow rules for experiencing pleasure. The amount of liquid can also vary wildly from person to person. Some will squirt a lot, others might be more of a drip, while some can make puddles that look like they wet the bed. Typically the fluid expelled is only about a teaspoon and doesn’t usually make it across the room, but results will vary depending on your body.

Keep in mind that the clit is more than the little numb you can see. Think of an iceberg and how most of it is actually unseen under the water; the legs of the clitoris are the same, they criss cross through the pelvis under the skin where you wouldn’t be able to see. The legs of the clitoris extend four inches below the surface of the skin, branching out into legs and bulbs on either side of the vaginal canal. So how those nerve endings respond to different stimulation or how sensitive they are will differ from person to person. Sure, stimulating the g-spot, the spongy area of the front wall of the vagina about half-way between the opening and the cervix, makes some people squirt. But that’s not the only path you can or should take to that particular destination.

You can’t train yourself to squirt

Squirting is just one of the many ways to experience pleasure, and luckily pleasure is something that can be learned and expanded on. Squirting is mostly involuntary, but you can take time to figure out your body’s preferences, but there are no shortcuts. You’ll really need to invest time in experimenting with your own body to figure out the moves or combination of sensations that will get you there. If your partner has fantasies of bringing you to a mind-blowing orgasm, solo exploration can be the best way to get to know your body. And once you figure out what works best for you, it’s easier to communicate what works to your partner.

When trying to squirt, start by warming your body up and making sure you’re fully aroused before you even stimulate your G-spot, which is located on the front of the wall of the vagina and has a noticeable spongy texture. To find it, curve your fingers and use the pads and not your fingertips to locate that spongy tissue. When you feel a ridge, you’ll know you’re in the right place. You can add toys to help you reach if your fingers can’t easily access your g-spot. Also remember that the G-spot isn’t the only ticket to gush city, you can also try a wand with powerful vibrations which might pull forth your first squirt! Try experimenting with your own preferences and see what brings you the most pleasure. It might even be a blended orgasm from putting a curved attachment on your favorite wand to get there.

Just trust the journey and enjoy the pleasure you’re experiencing along the way. When you put pressure yourself to squirt or even just reach orgasm you’re less likely to be able to do it. Reaching the big O is as much mental as it is physical. Being in a positive headspace is equally as important as the physical things you’re doing. How will you let go and squirt if you can’t get out of your own head? Don’t overthink it. Patience, practice and just enjoying the journey is all you need!

Squirting is the same as an orgasm

While squirting and orgasm can often happen together, they aren’t mutually exclusive. Sometimes folks will squirt without an orgasm; sometimes, they’ll squirt while orgasming, and sometimes they’ll squirt after they get off, especially if you’re feeling relaxed. Orgasm is talking about the sensation of pleasure and release accompanied by muscle contractions. Where ejaculation is talking about the release of fluid which may, or may not occur together.

The Bottom Line?

Squirting is no myth, though the jury is still out on the exact mechanics behind it. But regardless of what’s in it, squirting feels good for many people, and we should encourage and celebrate all pleasurable sexual experiences. So if it feels good, don’t hold back: Wet the bed!

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee? by Carly S. originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Le Wand Chrome Little Pleasures Set

Spark joy daily with the Little Pleasures Set that includes two of Le Wand’s coveted Chrome mini vibes for instant sensual satisfaction.

Featuring Le Wand Bullet and Point rechargeable vibes in a lustrous Special Edition Silver Chrome finish, each powerful palm-sized vibe delivers its own unique stimulation. Le Wand Point features a rumbly motor and contoured shape, approved by Oprah Magazine. The fan-favorite Bullet comes with a removable textured silicone sleeve and ring for added pleasure.

Each vibe is USB rechargeable with the included charger and can be stored inside the set’s velvety storage pouch. Put your sex-positivity on display with the adorable branded Le Wand pin that’s also included.

Each Le Wand Little Pleasures Set includes:

Le Wand Bullet Rechargeable Vibrator – Petite power – Sometimes, powerful things come in petite packages. With its body safe metallic casing and removable, textured silicone sleeve, Le Wand Bullet packs enough power and pleasure to take you over the edge.

Le Wand Point Rechargeable Vibrator – discreet & decadent – The ultimate in hands-free masturbation, this deliciously weighted lay-on palm-sized vibe features a body-safe silicone contoured shape and intuitive controls for seamless stimulation.

Textured Silicone Sleeve & Ring – sumptuous sensations – Enhance your bullet and experience new ways to play with the two removable textured silicone attachments that will heighten your sensations.

Le Wand Enamel Pin – subtle swank – Show pride in your pleasure with the stylish enamel Le Wand pin.

Micro-Suede Travel Pouch – pretty practicality – Carry your kit with low-key luxury in the provided microsuede storage and travel pouch.

Charging Cables – keep the power flowing with the included charging cables that plugs in to any USB port.

Give the ultimate gift of good vibes with the pleasure pack’s perfectly presentable packaging.

Features:

  • Giftable set in keepsake packaging
  • Bullet with 11 vibration modes and 4 intensity levels
  • Weighted lay-on vibe with 15 vibration modes and 6 intensity levels
  • Intuitive controls
  • Waterproof
  • USB rechargeable
  • Charging cable included
  • 1 Year warranty provided by Le Wand

In the Box:

  • Le Wand Point – 1.9” x 3.78” x 1.38”
  • Le Wand Bullet – 3.11” x 0.93”
  • Removeable silicone bullet sleeve
  • Optional textured silicone attachment
  • Storage bag
  • Charging cables
  • Enamel pin

TTOTM Introduces Feel My Power 2021

A wand like this in your store is a power move worth stepping into…

Commune with COTR  March 24th 11am PT / 2pm ET as they explore the 2021 limited edition Feel My Power Wand.

They’ll share the history of the three campaigns, the purpose behind Feel My Power and how they bring the campaign to life online and in retail.

Can I get some “POWER” for that?!

REGISTER NOW