Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

If your only experience with squirting is limited to seeing it in porn, you’ve probably convinced yourself that there’s no way that act is real.

While there hasn’t been as much research as other bodily functions dedicated to figuring out the science behind squirting, documentation of ejaculation in vulva owners goes all the way back to the kama sutra. And numerous studies since have found that some vulva owners do indeed expel fluid during orgasm. A study from 1984 concluded that 54% of vulva owners experienced an “orgasmic expulsion of fluid” at least one time and 14% experienced it almost every time they reached orgasm. A 2017 study concluded that 69% of vulva owners between 18 and 39 had experienced ejaculation during orgasm. So yes, squirting is real.

Squirt is pee

First, I want to clarify that there is some urine in precum and ejaculatory fluid in penis owners. So, yes— there is some pee in all ejaculate fluid, but it’s not all pee. It’s all a combination of ejaculatory fluid as well as urinary fluid. There is both urea and creatinine, which can be mistaken for urine. Ejaculate is an alkaline liquid, similar to prostate fluid; think of it like ejaculate from a penis without the sperm (like juice without pulp, if you will). The liquid is usually clear to yellowish, and thinner than the slippery lubrication vaginas create. If the similarity to pee still makes you feel uncomfortable, try peeing right before sexual activity. If your bladder isn’t full, you can rest assured that whatever’s coming out of you is not pee.

Vulva owners have tissue surrounding their urethra, called the urethral sponge. This is all part of the internal clitoris (the G-spot is the spot closest to the root of the clit) and is actually very similar to the erectile tissue in a penis. When you’re turned on, the clitoris and urethral sponge swell and essentially become erect. There are tiny glands in and right next to the urethra on the front wall of the vagina, called Skene’s or paraurethral glands, and they can fill with fluid when you’re turned on. The Skene gland is biologically similar to the prostate. Urine is present in the fluid because these glands are so close to the urethra. Part of the reason this myth is so unending is because, when vulva owners are going to squirt, they often feel like they have to pee. That feeling is misleading because when you’re turned on, the tissue around your urethra gets filled with blood, which will press against your bladder, making you feel like you need to pee. But trust me, it doesn’t mean you’re actually going to pee yourself. The simple solution? Go to the bathroom before playtime. So then, with an empty bladder, you can be confident that you’re squirting and definitely not peeing.

Squirting and Ejaculation are the same thing

These are harder to define since squirting isn’t a medical term and it’s hard to quantify colloquial terms. Squirting typically describes the release of a fluid that’s clear and colorless, where ejaculation is used to describe the release of another kind of fluid that is often white and milky, includes prostate-specific antigens (PSAs) and other compounds found in semen. Squirting typically involves a larger amount of fluid being released, sometimes described as “gushing” or “geyser-like,” whereas female ejaculation alone is usually a pretty small amount of fluid. These two different types of release can happen independently or simultaneously of one another. This makes it not only harder to research, but to explain the information. it’s likely more accurate to say that there is ejaculation, which is the same as squirting.

All vulva-owners can squirt

So, yes and no. While I wouldn’t tell anyone that they’re incapable of squirting, I also wouldn’t say that everyone squirts. This research suggests that anywhere between 10 and 50 percent of vulva owners noticed involuntary ejaculation. The issue is that it’s not always obvious that it happened. If you’ve ever had sex and found yourself in a big wet spot on the bed, it’s possible that you squirted without ever noticing. Think of it like sweating; while everyone sweats, some people sweat more than others. Some people’s Skene’s glands may be on the smaller side or simply less active than others, or there might be scar tissue blocking the ducts. You might be holding yourself back because you might mistakenly think you’re going to pee. Or perhaps, you just might not have ever had their urethral sponge stimulated enough (or in the necessary way) to actually ejaculate. It can take a lot of exploration of your own body, just don’t put too much pressure on yourself, it can be counterproductive.

The porn you’ve seen may make it look easy, but not everyone finds it pleasurable or even comfortable. The bottom line is Everyone is different. The body doesn’t follow rules for experiencing pleasure. The amount of liquid can also vary wildly from person to person. Some will squirt a lot, others might be more of a drip, while some can make puddles that look like they wet the bed. Typically the fluid expelled is only about a teaspoon and doesn’t usually make it across the room, but results will vary depending on your body.

Keep in mind that the clit is more than the little numb you can see. Think of an iceberg and how most of it is actually unseen under the water; the legs of the clitoris are the same, they criss cross through the pelvis under the skin where you wouldn’t be able to see. The legs of the clitoris extend four inches below the surface of the skin, branching out into legs and bulbs on either side of the vaginal canal. So how those nerve endings respond to different stimulation or how sensitive they are will differ from person to person. Sure, stimulating the g-spot, the spongy area of the front wall of the vagina about half-way between the opening and the cervix, makes some people squirt. But that’s not the only path you can or should take to that particular destination.

You can’t train yourself to squirt

Squirting is just one of the many ways to experience pleasure, and luckily pleasure is something that can be learned and expanded on. Squirting is mostly involuntary, but you can take time to figure out your body’s preferences, but there are no shortcuts. You’ll really need to invest time in experimenting with your own body to figure out the moves or combination of sensations that will get you there. If your partner has fantasies of bringing you to a mind-blowing orgasm, solo exploration can be the best way to get to know your body. And once you figure out what works best for you, it’s easier to communicate what works to your partner.

When trying to squirt, start by warming your body up and making sure you’re fully aroused before you even stimulate your G-spot, which is located on the front of the wall of the vagina and has a noticeable spongy texture. To find it, curve your fingers and use the pads and not your fingertips to locate that spongy tissue. When you feel a ridge, you’ll know you’re in the right place. You can add toys to help you reach if your fingers can’t easily access your g-spot. Also remember that the G-spot isn’t the only ticket to gush city, you can also try a wand with powerful vibrations which might pull forth your first squirt! Try experimenting with your own preferences and see what brings you the most pleasure. It might even be a blended orgasm from putting a curved attachment on your favorite wand to get there.

Just trust the journey and enjoy the pleasure you’re experiencing along the way. When you put pressure yourself to squirt or even just reach orgasm you’re less likely to be able to do it. Reaching the big O is as much mental as it is physical. Being in a positive headspace is equally as important as the physical things you’re doing. How will you let go and squirt if you can’t get out of your own head? Don’t overthink it. Patience, practice and just enjoying the journey is all you need!

Squirting is the same as an orgasm

While squirting and orgasm can often happen together, they aren’t mutually exclusive. Sometimes folks will squirt without an orgasm; sometimes, they’ll squirt while orgasming, and sometimes they’ll squirt after they get off, especially if you’re feeling relaxed. Orgasm is talking about the sensation of pleasure and release accompanied by muscle contractions. Where ejaculation is talking about the release of fluid which may, or may not occur together.

The Bottom Line?

Squirting is no myth, though the jury is still out on the exact mechanics behind it. But regardless of what’s in it, squirting feels good for many people, and we should encourage and celebrate all pleasurable sexual experiences. So if it feels good, don’t hold back: Wet the bed!

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee? by Carly S. originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz