It is never ever too late to learn more about sex! We as educators in the adult industry should advocate for this in our daily lives. Whether that is by speaking to customers in-store, sharing on social media or talking to our children, family and friends. The more we talk about sexual health and wellness, the less taboo it becomes. I choose to not hide where I work or what I do for a living, I take a more open approach and try to cultivate why our careers are valid and needed. I am incredibly open about being sex-positive in my personal life and on my social media accounts; the way I see it is if I educate one person or help one person find pleasure it is all worth it to me.

Most people are in fact having sex or want to, but yet some people have never considered a sex toy or solo sex. Consider why this is, and when you got your first sex toy. When was the first time you masturbated or even heard the word “orgasm?” Did your parents openly talk to you about pleasure, masturbation or your anatomy? In addition to the sex talk at home (or lack thereof), think back to health class in school. This is a big part as to why this industry is so important. I would argue that every community needs a local adult store — if I could have it my way, then that would be the case.

Sex education in schools needs to be revamped. In addition to doing away with abstinence-based sex-ed, which is severely outdated and potentially harmful, sex education should also include LGBTQ individuals and relationships.

Sex education should be pleasure-focused and we should teach proper anatomy and terms. I personally learned more from Ducky DooLittle’s anatomy pictures than I ever did in school. I would also go a step further and say that we should teach our children about gender identity and sexual orientation. Sex education often assumes students are all heterosexual and identify as a man or woman, which is simply not the case.

If none of this can be taught in school or by your parents or guardians, where are we to learn it from? This is another reason why adult stores are so important and why our careers matter!

So, what does it mean to be sex-positive? I think most would agree that that it entails accepting all consensual expressions of sexuality, nudity and kink as healthy. It encourages sexual pleasure, informed consent and advocates sex education. Sex is not shameful, taboo or unhealthy in any way. I believe at Excitement and in this industry, we have taken long strides to change with the times and be more inclusive.

This is where we as educators play a vital role in getting the proper information out in our communities. Being in the adult industry for almost 12 years, I have noticed more people coming into our stores for the first time, and reaching out to me online with questions. If you remember back to the ‘80s or ‘90s, you may recall adult stores being dirty or dark, and going into rental stores that hid adult movies and mags behind curtains. Most toys back then took batteries and were made of jelly-like material. We have come a long way and will continue to evolve as we move forward. The customers coming in for toys are asking questions and we can provide not only the answers they are looking for, but also a safe space to feel welcomed and accepted. They are not just purchasing any random toy and leaving. They are interested in the material, how it will function and feel for their bodies. We are the sex educators that they never had in school; we can change people’s lives. That — and understanding my own sexuality and journey — is why I do what I do.

An estimated 5.6 percent of Americans identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer according to a recent poll by Gallup, and we need to be able to service all these consumers. So how is this affecting our industry and products? I, for one, am seeing a huge trend in shoppers seeking out more toys that are gender non-specific and that are versatile in their functions. To begin, you need to have products in your stores that represent this — meaning we should refrain from gendering toys. Also, we should not assume someone’s gender, their sexual orientation or their relationship status. We should use gender-neutral packaging, signs and wording to match so that we are being inclusive to everyone. Be sure to use proper terminology to not exclude anyone, because in reality, a specific product can be universal to more than one gender. For example, in the industry and in our stores, we have begun saying “vagina owner” or “penis owner” instead of female or male. One of my biggest pet peeves as a lesbian is that I do not want to purchase a product that has a picture of a male-and-female couple on the box, it just does not line up with who I am or what I am looking for. We need to be able to demonstrate to others that we are in fact inclusive. I love seeing companies in the industry using same-sex partners, all body types and all skin tones more than ever before.

Many manufacturers have done an amazing job at being inclusive and many more are redoing their packaging and taking this into consideration for new product and marketing releases. The CalExotics Boundless line is one example of gender-neutral packaging that works, and I am in love with it. Le-Wand, b-Vibe, Nu Sensuelle, NS Novelties and Sportsheets have all done an impressive job of being gender-neutral and inclusive with their packaging and marketing.

We are among the few industries that have been booming during the pandemic, leaving us at an advantage. We should take this time and invest in our future and keep focusing on evolving and striving to be more and more inclusive.

What Does It Mean to Be ‘Sex-Positive’? by Loretta Goodling originally appeared in XBIZ

As legal cannabis slowly creeps its way across the continent, we find ourselves in the midst of a new evolution of acceptance. What better industry to embrace the once prohibited pot than ours? Unfounded oppression is a topic that we know all too well. Those who once turned a snubbed nose up at the thought of the hippie drug have now opened their minds at the promise of pain relief.

With self-care stepping up as the movement of the day, we can’t help but look at cannabis as a viable companion to sexual exploration. The health and healing benefits of cannabis are endless, and marrying the two can add a unique twist to a playtime routine.

I highly recommend consulting with an experienced budtender to help understand the broad differences in strains and various forms of consumption. Grasping the correct fit for each individual (much like sex toys) is what truly translates to the ultimate sexual experience.

Sativas are invigorating and energizing and are often associated with a “head high.” They enhance creativity and productivity and are known for their imaginative properties.

Indicas are euphoric with a full-body buzz. Some refer to them as “InDaCouch” because of their deep relaxation effects.

Cannabis consumption does not need to include a high at all. Using a high CBD, low THC strain can have all the grandeur of health benefits and pain relief without the buzz.

THC and CBD come in many different forms. Dry herb, edibles, oils, suppositories and even bath products are all available, making consumption accessible to all, including those with disabilities. This means, for example, those with hand disabilities no longer need to worry about the ability to hold a pipe or bong.

A sativa pre-roll to heighten your senses and electrify your imagination? Or maybe an indica edible to slow down and feel the moment. Not fond of “feeling high”? A topical like a CBD lubricant can be used to relax muscles. The possibilities are endless.

And the facts?

Stanford researchers found that cannabis users statistically have more sex, and this includes all sexes, races, ages, education levels and income groups. Cannabis can even prolong orgasm in men and women. Most importantly? Cannabis lowers your inhibitions without total intoxication, allowing the user to indulge their senses entirely.

Masturbating with intention is not a luxury that is afforded to everyone. Those that have trouble finding orgasm may become frustrated and are much less likely to keep trying and exploring their bodies. The addition of an indica will not only increase the response of your body but restrain discouraging thoughts that can interrupt your session.

Relaxants and desensitizers are a controversial topic. Blocking your body of its natural response to inform you when you have reached your discomfort or pain maximum is not what I would consider safe sex. Recommend to shoppers that they ditch the numbing agents and try an indica to relax muscles instead, regardless of orifice! This relaxation is helpful for both oral and anal sex but is particularly advantageous for those experiencing vaginosis and using vaginal dilators.

And how about those experiencing PTSD? We may make jokes about needing a medical cannabis prescription for “anxiety,” but the truth is that cannabis really does have the capability to ease anxiety and enhance a consensual experience. This is no small feat to a trauma survivor desiring intimacy.

So how does this affect your pleasure product business?

Your customers are already buying cannabis. They are already taking part and indulging in CBD and THC products. And if they aren’t, they’re about to. It’s time to look at how the marriage of sex and pot can improve your sales techniques and affect your bottom line.

Adding a section of rolling papers, bongs, pipes and even some deodorizing candles is a welcome inclusion for your customers. Dispensaries (at least in Canada) are legally unable to carry much in the way of accessories, and most head shops are dark, dingy and uncomfortable for the average customer. Offering these products not only saves the consumer the third trip to the head shop but also opens the door to associating the two industries.

Connecting with your customer and learning about their cannabis use and preferences sets the tone for your sale and the type of product you should guide them to. Because we all know, what they come in for is never what they really want.

Show your indica-using customer to the wands for an indulgent masturbation session. The combination of a tingle through your skin and a wand between your legs is unparalleled. Or perhaps your sativa-using customer is looking for a couple’s vibe or handcuffs to introduce into their partner play and explore a brave new world of kink.

Diversifying your business and evolving with the times is always important, but having the opportunity to incorporate this newly recognized industry in a way that increases our pleasure product culture is truly exceptional.

Is Cannabis Plus Sex Toys the New ‘Netflix and Chill?’ by Sarah Franson originally appeared in XBIZ

As with any business, adult retailers must adapt to customers’ requirements. Changes are afoot within the industry, and trends are evolving within Europe. A perfect example of this, which has been ongoing, is tech toys. Toys that connect to your phone, that are controllable across the internet and give the feeling that you’re there with your partner in the same room (even though you may be thousands of miles apart). What an age we live in! And who knows how far this tech will go…

A lot of people (including myself) love tech. Stick Bluetooth connectivity into anything and I’m sold (I’m the proud owner of a Bluetooth toothbrush. I have no idea why, and if someone could explain what the point of it is, I’d really appreciate it!) But these techy features are becoming commonplace in the industry and people are hunting for something new. Sure, it’s great to have a toy crammed with features, but it’s not as exciting as it once was. That’s not to say they aren’t as innovative, but just that techy app-based toys are becoming the norm in society, and experienced toy users are searching for the next big thing.

As a retailer and wholesaler, I’m seeing a new demand in adult products and customer requirements within Europe. People are looking for pretty. They want something that will look beautiful on their nightstand, as well as feel amazing during use. They want dazzling products that look just as good as they feel. I’ve seen hundreds of stunning toys over my years in the industry, but many of them just don’t quite live up to the claims. Some may leave the user feeling unfulfilled and even a little disappointed, and we all know how frustrating that can be!

Getting the balance between a toy’s pleasure level and its appearance is tricky. Customers are now searching for toys to look like something they would buy from a designer boutique but that also deliver earth-shattering orgasms every time. Often the balance is impossible as motors can be clunky and unsightly, controls may need to be implemented differently or the design of the toy may need to be completely changed to bring those perfect sensations the user craves. All this can affect the appearance of a pleasure device drastically and ruin this important balance. But let’s face it, there is no holy grail, and manufacturers won’t get it handed to them on a plate. They have to keep plugging at designs until they manage to achieve this delicate balance.

A number of devices are making their way onto the market that have achieved a perfect balance of appearance and sensations, and these are quickly becoming favorites among consumers. They may not be the cheapest of devices (some retailing as much as $200), but people are seeking something new and exciting to explore, and many are prepared to spend that little more to delve into areas they may not have explored before.

Devices like this usually come in elegant, luxurious packaging and make the consumer feel as if they are buying into a concept, not just a product. Crisp, clean, bold designs help to add to this experience giving them a fresh look (and moving away from the bright pink, tacky looking designs of the 90s). No longer do pleasure-product lovers want to settle for the cheapest toy on the market.

Over the next few months, I’m expecting to see even more ribbons, more textured packaging and cleaner, crisper designs on products within Europe. Packaging that looks beautiful on the shelf in any store, shouting “you know you want me” to every customer that passes it. We have already seen an increase in this style here, and as more new devices hit the market, I predict that we’re going to see this trend explode into a celebration of color, simplicity and quality.

I was recently sent a sample of a rather elegant-looking device that was delivered beautifully. The packaging of the product included a delicate ribbon that I had to untie to open the box. And once I did, the toy was revealed to me, lying on a soft, smooth bed of sponge-like material contrasting against the product color. It was such an experience to open. I felt like I was opening something special, something luxurious. This is a trend that is starting to surface once again.

Customers are looking for something to make them pause and take in the beauty of what is in front of them. They want to be thrilled both in the first few seconds of opening the packaging and the first few moments beneath the sheets.

A pleasure product has to bring the most enjoyable stimulations it can, but if it can do that and give them the feeling that they have bought into something special, surely, it’s onto a winner.

A Look at Toy Aesthetics, Functions That Today’s Consumers Demand by Daniel Miller originally appeared in XBIZ

 

As part of the adult goods market, I bet that you’re open to talking about sex toys — at least with your peers in the industry.

At every stage of the chain, from manufacturing through distribution all the way to retail, sex toy talk is our bread and butter.

But do you openly discuss sex toys with your partner? How about your wider family? What about your friends? Would you mention sex toys to the acquaintance asking about your workday?

If you’re anything like me, you probably would — as long as it feels right.

Rarely does a day go by that I don’t talk about sex toys with my mum. She helped me furnish my bondage space and my gold whip has proven to be the perfect finishing touch for her favorite little black dress.

I’ve even asked my dad to review cock rings and masturbators. (Mum passed on the feedback.)

Reading this, you’d probably assume that I had the most liberal upbringing imaginable. Truth be told, it was very conservative. Dating was out of the question, let alone sex.

So, to explain what led me to this industry is a story for another day.

For now, the point is that my openness and, let’s face it, my tendency to overshare, has had a positive impact on my relationship with my parents. If I can talk to them about sex toys, then I can talk to them about anything.

Yes, I’m lucky that they are receptive to what I have to say and always listen without judgement, but that’s not the case for everyone, whether the other party in the conversation is a parent, partner, friend or otherwise.

Why we should open up

Now imagine that it’s not you who’s talking about sex toys, but rather, the customer. That person for whom you designed, manufactured, distributed or retailed that toy wants to tell someone about it. But for whatever reason — or reasons — particular to their situation, they feel unable to.

As part of the adult goods industry, we can play a role in normalizing sex toy talk and encouraging open and honest discussion — actually, make that celebration — of the role that these products play as a healthy and acceptable part of everyday life.

When we are comfortable talking about sex toys with those who are outside of our industry, we are better placed to advise customers who want to share their experiences, either conversationally or intimately, with people in their lives.

So, here are five tips on how we can normalize sex toy talk in our own lives and help customers to do the same.

1. Be negotiable.

Talking about sexual activity, whether it involves toys or not, can be a delicate topic for some people. If you’re comfortable with it but others in the conversation are not, then negotiate a middle ground, which includes everyone but alienates no one.

Rather than adopting an all-or-nothing approach, meeting people in the middle and establishing ground rules for what is (and is not) okay to discuss creates a safe space that can help people to open up gradually over time.

Requesting, not demanding, that the topic be discussed and framing it as of mutual interest, not self-indulgence, can go a long way towards getting people on board.

2. Be respectful.

Establishing boundaries for what can be discussed is one thing, remaining within them is another. If you can talk about sex toys in a way that will make others receptive to it, this will make them more likely to not only listen, but also contribute to the conversation.

They key is to remain respectful of their comfort level, remembering that people will not always verbalize their discomfort. So, pay attention to body language for clues as to how your sex toy talk is making others feel. In some cases, you may have to narrow the boundaries you first thought were okay, while in others you may get to expand them!

3. Be honest.

When we let people in, others often let us in. (No pun intended.) What I mean is that talking honestly about our own experiences with sex toys — and that doesn’t have to mean usage — can show a certain vulnerability that people appreciate. In return, you’d be surprised how much people begin to open up to you about themselves.

Being honest about your experiences can also be educational. Frankness about your likes and dislikes, what works and what doesn’t work for you, might be exactly what someone wanted to hear but was too afraid to ask. When your sex toy talk is reciprocated, you might even learn a thing or two.

4. Be non-judgmental.

Regardless of whether you’re talking to someone who’s new to discussing or using sex toys, or a seasoned pro at either, there are times it’s best to just listen.

While you may have your opinions about what they are saying, part of normalizing sex toy talk is not passing judgment on someone else’s experiences. Here, it’s not only your words and tone that matter, but also your body language.

Use neutral terms, a calm tone and soothing language, and if you’re going to offer advice, frame it as a suggestion, not a criticism or a command. Go for warm, positive, open gestures, and maintain eye contact without staring. Ensuring your body language matches your oral language will show that you are sincere and trustworthy.

5. Be supportive.

If someone is opening up to sex toy talk, then be supportive. Whether they are discussing needs or desires they have already acted on, or are contemplating, showing that you are there for them in a respectful and non-judgmental way reinforces the view of sex toys as a healthy and acceptable part of adult life. As long as the activity is safe, consensual and pleasurable for everyone involved, knowing they have your support can only make them feel even better.

These tips can be an effective way to accelerate the normalizing of conversations around sex toys and their role as a wellness tool. I’m not saying we need to tell anyone and everyone, “I make/sell/use dildos and vibrators.” Rather, if we want to increase mainstream awareness and celebration of sex toys, then we need to be open about our experiences and open to tailoring our message to best suit our audience.

How to Promote Wellness, Education Through Our Own Communication by Vanessa Rose originally appeared in XBIZ