What is the Kivin Method for Cunnilingus and How to Do It

Calling all cunnilingus champions, sexual explorers, and pleasure-seekers!

Whether you’re looking for a simple way to refresh your cunnilingus routine or just want to try out a new thing, please allow me to introduce you to the Kivin Method for cunnilingus. (Oh, and if you’re still getting caught up on your sexual vocabulary, cunnilingus = oral sex performed on a vulva, otherwise known as eating someone out.)

What is the Kivin Method?

Put simply, the Kivin Method is cunnilingus repositioned sideways.

Rather than the giver and receiver being in one straight(ish) line together, their bodies form a right(ish) angle, with the giver lying perpendicular to the receiver. Make an L shape with your thumb and index finger, and you’ll see the basic positioning. Who knew you would use geometry for your sex life?

If you’re feeling a little turned around, don’t worry—we’ll explain the how-to of it all in-depth in a bit.

Who Invented the Kivin Method?

We’d love to give credit where it’s due, but TBH—no one knows for sure who “invented” the Kivin Method.

In Naked at Our Age (published in 2011), Joan Price says that the Kivin Method was “originally presented by Dr. Patti Britton in Paris”, but doesn’t share any more context about the event or year.

In a 2003 issue of The Atlantic, the author mentions reading about it in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex, published by Dr. Judy Kuriansky in 2001.

Regardless, I’m confident that people were doing the Kivin Method before it was ever called that. So, when you’re trying to give thanks, maybe just say “thanks, Universe.”

Benefits of the Kivin Method

In a 2018 study, 63.7% of self-identified women said they preferred up-and-down vulvar stimulation over other patterns, like circular and sideways (the respondents could choose more than one option, FYI). Up-and-down stimulation of the vulva and clitoris can feel pretty natural when you’re using your hand, but when it comes to your tongue… well, your jaw, neck, and tongue can get tired out pretty quickly.

Enter the Kivin Method.

With the person performing cunnilingus laying perpendicular to the recipient, the whole vulva becomes more accessible, and neck strain is alleviated. Also, because you’ve rotated your body, you can make a side-to-side motion (which is easier on the neck), but your recipient feels an up and down motion. Nifty, right?

Below are some reasons why you might want to try out the Kivin Method:

  1. Less neck strain for the giver

In the “conventional” position for cunnilingus, the performer may find that their neck starts to feel strained after a bit. If you’re sitting up right now, drop your head back and look up to the sky or ceiling. That’s basically the position your head is in during conventional cunnilingus—and it can be uncomfortable to hold for a while.

With the Kivin Method, you’re able to keep your upper body more completely engaged and can even use pillows like the Liberator Ramp, your arm, or your partner’s leg to help support your head and neck alignment. In addition, the reduction in neck strain means that you may be able to last longer (or at least not be cramping up as your partner approached orgasm).

  1. More access to the whole vulva = more pleasure

Look, the clit is amazing — but there’s so much more to it than the clitoral glans. The clitoral glans is the “nub” that can be seen and felt at the top of the vulva, and it quite literally is just the tip of the iceberg (but in a good, not scary way).

The rest of the clitoris is a double-wishbone structure; the outer legs (crura) extend behind the labia major. The inner bulbs (vestibular bulbs) are basically behind the labia minora and hug either side of the vaginal opening.

All parts of the clitoris are highly sensitive, and stimulating some of the non-glans areas can feel extremely pleasurable! The Kivin Method gives the performer greater access to the vulva, which allows them to stimulate the labia, vaginal opening, and perineum more easily.

  1. Relieves pressure on the receiver’s hips and pelvis

The conventional cunnilingus position often requires the receiver to have their knees dropped wide to either side as much as possible. As people with vulvas approach orgasm, the muscles around the buttocks, hips, and pelvis tense and release — but in the lotus-style position, that tension can quickly lead to cramping, especially for folks with arthritis or other joint issues.

The Kivin Method has the recipient wrapping one of their legs over the giver’s back (or onto a pillow, like the Liberator Wedge). That slight adjustment can help take a lot of pressure off of the hips and can reduce some of those mid-sex “hold on, I have a hip cramp!” pauses.

  1. Easier booty access

Between the lifted leg and the sideways positioning, accessing the booty during cunnilingus is easier than ever. The perineum (that small area of tissue between the vulva and the anus) is sensitive and delicate, making it a powerhouse for stimulation.

Accessing it is easier using the Kivin Method, but remember: If you’re going to add backdoor oral (AKA analingus) into your cunnilingus experience, you should use a dental dam to reduce the unintentional transmission of fecal matter. Even if you aren’t using your tongue to stimulate the perineum, you can use your fingers or a toy to add a new layer of sensation. People of all genders and genital configurations can find anal play pleasurable, so talk with your partner and see if this is something they’d be into!

  1. Potentially faster orgasms

Because of the complete vulvar access and the possibility of adding in other types of stimulation, the Kivin Method might lend itself to easier, quicker orgasms. That being said, everyone’s body is different, and you haven’t failed sexually if it still takes you just as long, longer, or if you don’t cum at all.

While some people report that the Kivin Method of cunnilingus has allowed them to have faster orgasms, that may not be true for you—instead, focus on your overall experience of physical pleasure rather than trying out a new personal record.

How to Perform the Kivin Method

Trying out something new for the first time can be overwhelming to many of us, but remember that you don’t have to be (and won’t be) perfect at it your first time around.

You’ll have a more pleasurable sexual experience if you focus on playing, being curious, and engaging with your partner rather than focusing on following one specific roadmap. Consider these instructions to be a guide, then adapt them however works best for you!

  1. Be playful

Many of us struggle to really play in the bedroom. We get so tied up in performance anxiety and achieving a certain goal; we forget that the whole point is pleasure—not earning top marks in technique (unless you’re role-playing, in which case, you do you).

Any time you’re trying a new technique, position, roleplay, or dirty talk, remember to play with it. You don’t have to perfect right off the bat, and you might feel a little awkward at first. That’s okay! It’s part of the process. Be curious about the things that excite you and your partners, and keep moving forward little by little from there.

  1. Communicate about it

I’ll be honest with you: There is no one sex technique that is universally loved by everyone. Our bodies, desires, and pleasures are all different, and that’s totally okay! You also don’t have to be perfect at everything (see point #1 above) right off the bat.

Instead of assuming that everything will be immediately amazing or focusing on getting it perfect, check in with your partner about what they’re enjoying and what they want more or less of.

If you’re the receiving partner, tell the giver what they’re doing well, and ask for (or guide) adjustments when you need them. The best way to create a pleasurable sexual experience is to communicate about it, so keep coming back to this one—it’s really foundational.

  1. Get into basic position for the Kivin Method

Before you stress about it too much, remember that the Kivin Method is fundamentally a sex position to help increase everyone’s pleasure. The receiving partner will lay down on their back somewhere comfortable, while the giver lays down perpendicular to them, at the vulva’s level.

Then, have the recipient raise the leg closest to their partner and wrap it over their back. Don’t worry about specific placement; just find the spot that feels most comfortable to you both! If you want even more support, you can try using a sex pillow underneath the receiver’s hips to elevate them some more or try putting a pillow underneath your partner’s head and neck. You could even use bondage ties, spreader bars, and positioning straps to help hold the receiver’s legs in a comfortable position.

Remember, you’re not stuck with the accessories you start with, so you can always add or take things away as you want!

From here, the giver’s head should be just about at the level of the vulva. Check-in with your partner to see how the position feels for their body, make adjustments, and then get started!

  1. Use your mouth

In the Kivin Method position, the giver’s tongue can more easily cover the vulva’s vast territory. Instead of focusing just on the clit, let your tongue move side-to-side and up-and-down, finding a rhythm that works for you and your partner.

I recommend starting off with lighter, slower pressure and slowly building up speed and pressure from there, based on your partner’s feedback. You aren’t tied to one specific motion with the Kivin Method, so try out a few different patterns, shapes, and speeds to see what feels best.

With the relaxed, open hip position, the giver could also use their tongue to more easily stimulate the introitus (vaginal opening). Use a wide, flat tongue to massage the opening and a firmer, pointed tongue to explore inside. The vaginal opening is densely packed with nerve endings (and is being hugged by those vestibular bulbs we mentioned earlier), so this light stimulation can feel really nice.

The beauty of the Kivin Method is that it gives you wider access to the whole vulva, so rather than focusing exclusively on the clitoral glans, take the opportunity to get to know your partner’s body a little better! Use your tongue to stimulate the labia major, labia minora, vaginal opening, inner thighs, perineum, and anywhere your pleasure journey takes you both. (And BTW, that tip applies to regular ole cunnilingus, too).

  1. Use your hands

Hands are extremely under-utilized in oral sex. You might be like, “Okay, but it’s oral sex” and I know that, but hear me out. Using your hands during oral allows you to add in an additional layer of stimulation and can help give your tongue and jaw a rest.

You can use one hand to put light pressure on the pubic mound and to slightly draw back the clitoral hood. Or, try varying it up by using one or two fingers to put pressure down on the labia major on either side of the clitoral glans (that pressure can help intensify orgasms and can help draw the glans out a bit more).

You can also use your fingers and lube for internal stimulation of the vagina while you stimulate the clit and vulva with your tongue. If your tongue or jaw needs a break, let your fingers take over. Want to massage a part of your partner’s body? Hands!

You can also use your fingertips and some lube for a perineal massage. In fact, many folks consider perineal stimulation to be essential to the Kivin Method. I’m on Team “Do What Feels Best for You” so if perineal stimulation feels great for you and your partner, yay! And if it’s more of a “meh” experience, then go ahead and focus elsewhere.

You truly have infinite possibilities here, so consider your hands as an extra tool and use them to help you out.

  1. Add in a toy

Oral doesn’t need to be all about your mouth; just as you can use your hands to support your efforts, you can use toys as tools, too! You might, for example, hold a bullet vibe onto your partner’s clit (or have them hold it in place) while you orally explore the rest of their vulva.

You could use a vibrator with a g-zone tip to incorporate hands-free vaginal play while also stimulating the clitoral glans.

Toys are also a great way to bring the booty into play without the worry of unintentionally bringing trace fecal matter or bacteria from the anus to the vagina. Adding in a small, lubricated plug can create a sensation of fullness, which can lead to powerful orgasms. If you’re more experienced with anal play, you could try adding in a larger plug with a few more bells and whistles.

Remember, toys are tools. There’s no shame in using them to add to a sexual experience, and it doesn’t say anything bad about your partner’s level of sexual skill!

How Does the Kivin Method Feel?

There are countless articles out there that will tell you that the Kivin Method is the absolute best-ever cunnilingus! You’ll be begging for more! And, yeah. You might really enjoy it!

But, everybody is different. Some folks may find the position uncomfortable, or may not like the wider vulvar stimulation that comes with the Kivin Method. Listen to your partner if they tell you they just weren’t feeling it. There isn’t anything wrong with not liking a technique, position, or toy that seemingly everyone else loves. Everyone’s pleasures are different!

Still, many folks find the Kivin Method to be especially pleasurable and to feel like a more natural, comfortable position compared to conventional cunnilingus. And for folks who want their partners to pay attention to their whole vulva, not just the clit, the Kivin Method opens up a world of possibilities that may have felt hidden away before.

The important thing is to approach the Kivin Method with curiosity and an open mind. Don’t be afraid to play around, be a little clumsy, and reposition yourself until you find an angle that works for you. Talk about trying out the Kivin Method ahead of time, and then debrief again afterward. You’re trying something new for the first time! That’s pretty cool and brave of you!

Remember, the only person who can tell you how the Kivin Method feels for you is you. So put your scientist hat on and experiment away!

What is the Kivin Method for Cunnilingus and How to Do It by Cassandra Corrado originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

The V-Voyage – How To Pleasure The Vulva And Vagina

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Let’s explore the often-overlooked buried treasures of the highly erotic terrain known as the vulva and vagina. With hands, vibes, and curiosity guiding the way, we’ll visit these entry points as we lay down the essential pleasure pathways.

The more you understand your anatomy, the stronger the pleasure pathways can become, and the more fun it is to explore!

Also offered are tips on touching these sensual landmarks as well as how to tap into the power of touch from the inside out via the breath, movement, and of course your own awareness.

Once you have a map, you’ll be able to visit and revisit these erotic markers and unlock the riches inside — on your own or with a partner.

  • Tour the valley of the mons pubis and clitoral glans.
  • Walkthrough the halls of the vestibular bulbs.
  • Explore the edges of spongey tissues beyond the G-spot.
  • Travel deep into the ecstasy of the vaginal walls to discover “vaults of pleasure.”
  • Sail through the secret caverns of nerves that hold orgasmic treasures of perfect bliss.

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Sponsored by:

Even if you can’t make it, sign up anyway! Kinkly will send you the recording.

Talk Nerdy to Me: Living Your Best Roleplay Life in the Bedroom

About this event

Sex Educator, Amber teaches you how to make your RPG, less PG! They will cover all the ways to live your best roleplay life in the bedroom in this INTERACTIVE Zoom class!

In this class, Amber will cover:

  • What roleplay is
  • How roleplay is important
  • How to recognize healthy and toxic partners
  • Different types of adult roleplay such as : pony play, pet play, tentacles, furries, scalies and becoming a living anime character!
  • Plus all of the tips, tricks, techniques AND toys to help bring your roleplay fantasies to life!

Good to know

  • This class is 18+
  • Spots are limited and available on a first come, first served basis
  • Attendees are asked to keep cams/mics off
  • Attendees may change visible name to remain anonymous
  • Attendees will get a code for 15% off online or instore Fairvilla purchases following the class for filling out a short survey!

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After the Os: Anal Aftercare

Not sure what do to after anal sex? We’ve got your back! Here’s a quick guide on anal aftercare.

What is Anal Aftercare?

Aftercare — the intentional care-taking of a sexual partner after sex, typically by the penetrating, partner on behalf of the receiver — thanks our partners for sharing themselves with us and reminds them that our concern for their pleasure and well-being doesn’t stop with the orgasms.

Though aftercare has been championed by the kink community, all sex involves an exchange of power. And anal sex, especially so. Anal pleasure has long been rooted in shame and taboo. This makes anal sex extremely hot, but also, extremely vulnerable. Learn why anal aftercare is just as important as having anal sex.

How Do I Perform Anal Aftercare?

Anal sex aftercare doesn’t need to be overly sentimental or grand — it just needs to be an intentional display of appreciation and responsibility. Whatever you do, follow our aftercare general rule that the higher you fly, the softer you should pad the landing. While gently fingering someone’s ass during sex might require a simple “How’s your tush feeling?”, a long session of anal penetration will likely require much more. Here are our golden rules to anal sex aftercare:

First, check in.

The penetrating partner (sometimes identified as the Top) should recognize that their endorphins and adrenaline are likely to be lower than their partner who just received anal sex (the “receiver” or the Bottom). This means that the receiver may not yet be able to feel if they are sore or mentally present enough to ask directly for what they need as they bask in their after-sex glow.

Aftercare is most seamless if you’ve talked with your partner before anal sex, about what they typically like to have available after anal sex. If you don’t know your partner’s anal aftercare plan, giving them a hydrating drink (avoid alcohol) and a blood-sugar-raising snack (like a chocolate or fruit) are good choices.

Take care of that tush.

Anal tissues are delicate and it’s normal for them to be a little sore after sex. Gentle baby wipes can easily clean up, while an Epsom salt bath can feel purifying, pampering, and practical for sore muscles.

Praise your partner.

Anal sex can make someone especially vulnerable. So, remind your partner about all the things you liked about having anal sex with them.

Reduce shame by chatting about everyday things you’d normally discuss while snuggling in bed and always ask if there’s anything else they need.

Don’t forget your tops!

If your partner is new to providing anal stimulation and penetration, let them know what you loved, what you’d like to see more of next time, what you might change, and finish with a compliment.

Wash up.

The anus contains specific bacteria — unique to its ecosystem — that shouldn’t be shared with other orifices or surfaces.

Launder dirty towels, properly dispose of used latex barriers, and thoroughly wash your toys in soapy hot water.

Why is Anal Aftercare Important?

The main reason why anal sex aftercare is important is that it’s an investment for your sexual future! The better you care for your partner, the safer they’ll feel in bringing sexual explorations to new levels.

After the O’s: Anal Aftercare originally appeared on bvibe.com

Uncensored with Dr. Zhana – Domination/submission 101

Domination/submission 101

Join us on July 21st at 7 pm ET for an online live event with resident LELO sexpert Dr. Zhana!

The discussion will center around a favorite topic: Domination/submission 101, with a special guest Valerie Tasso. Today more than ever, we need better & more extended conversations about sex, love, and relationships.

Welcome to Uncensored. Uncensored is an ongoing, Zoom event series to discuss “sex, love, intimacy, and other things we never talk about.”

Uncensored events facilitate open conversations between host Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, her team, occasional guest speakers, and registered participants.

The events include objective research and open discussion around taboo topics. Uncensored offers an open-minded, sex-positive community and opportunities for skill sharing, storytelling, and feedback. The ethos of Uncensored is to expand beyond cancel culture. Participants can address controversial topics with compassion and curiosity.

Participants can be as anonymous as they want to be (camera on or off). Uncensored offers accessible attendance with donation-based a la carte registration, in which attendees can register for as little as $1.

Oh, and the best part? It’s pay-what-you-can. Contribute as much as you can, and as much as this experience is worth it to you. Please note: Donations of $10 or more will get access to post-event goodies ie. edited recordings + chat transcripts.

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Masturbation Mythbusting: Can We Be Too Reliant on Vibrators?

Masturbation is a socially-distant activity that makes “self-isolation” more like “self-investigation.” But after months of going to town with your favorite sex toy, (the pandemic version of “going out”) you may be wondering if you’re getting too reliant on your vibrator. You think about her when you hear a love song at the supermarket. You dream about her at night. At this point, you can’t even picture getting off without her. Are you addicted? Codependent? Do you need to scale it back? Is it time to kill the buzz?

Before we dive into the “vibrator addiction” debate, I’d like to bring your attention to, well, you. If you’ve found a sex toy that brings you pleasure—congrats! Unless you went to a super progressive private school where you called teachers by their first names, your sex ed class likely skipped over pleasure/masturbation/orgasms, (especially for women/humans with vaginas).

The lack of sex-positive sex education, plus the lack of positive media representation, plus the immense societal stigma and shaming of “female”/humans with vaginas pleasure hinders women/people with vaginas from learning about their bodies and their orgasms in an empowering, safe, and non-judgemental way. It’s also a large reason behind the orgasm gap, or the studied and documented discrepancy in orgasms between cis men and cis women. (Like this 2017 study from Chapman University, that found on average, straight men orgasm 95% of the time during partnered sex, while straight women only finish 65% of the time).

Needless to say, women/people with vaginas aren’t exactly set up for sexual success. From slut-shaming to contraceptive deserts, the road to “owning our pleasure” is hardly an easy one. It’s a big deal to charge of sexuality, prioritize your pleasure, and find what works for you and your body. And if your vibe is bringing good things to your sex life — you don’t need to feel embarrassed or worried about it. The “don’t get too reliant on your vibrator” rhetoric isn’t rooted in science or anatomy, it’s rooted in sexual shame and fear-mongering.

Take this 2009 study from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University, Bloomington, and The Kinsey Institute, of 3,800 women aged 18-60 that found vibrator use was linked to heightened physical and psychological well-being and positive sexual function. Or this 1996 study from Syracuse University that found the majority of assigned female at birth (AFAB) vibrator users had better and more orgasms when using vibrators during both solo and partnered sex.

Pretend for a second that you’ve never used a vibrator. Let’s, say, you only masturbate with your hands, and you manually stimulate yourself when having partnered sex. Would you be worried you’re “too reliant” on your fingers? Addicted to hand stuff? Probably not.

So, let’s get rid of this fear of “vibrator addiction.” Marie Kondo that shit and put it in the Goodwill bin with that paisley Free People top you were always iffy about. If “vibrator addiction” doesn’t exist, (and for the record, vibration addiction doesn’t exist) then what are you questioning? Why are you worried you’re “too reliant” on your vibrator? That’s where you’re gonna find your answers.

For example:

  1. Are you getting bored of your masturbation routine?
  2. Are you losing sensation on your clit? Are you unable to finish without a vibrator?
  3. Are you sheepish about using toys with your partner? Are you afraid that toys make sex less “intimate” or “natural”?
  4. Are you intrigued by using your hands and wondering why you stopped using them?

Some of these are practical problems with practical fixes. Yet, some of these are more emotional/societal issues that call for open communication and an attitude adjustment.

  1. What to do if you’re in a masturbation rut:

It’s time to switch things up. Masturbate in front of a mirror, on a chair, or in a new position. Listen to audio porn. Try using your hands instead of a toy. Masturbate in a different room or different part of your bedroom. Try a metal or glass toy. Try a butt plug. Masturbate on FaceTime with someone. Use lube. Make masturbating a novel experience for yourself, treat it like you would treat a hot hookup, put on your sex undies, light a candle. Romance yourself.

  1. What to do if you’re worried about losing sensation or have noticed some sensation loss:

First and foremost, don’t panic. You haven’t broken your clit. If you really like to crank your vibe, or if you tend to put direct pressure on your clit to orgasm quickly, you’ve likely gotten used to the intense sensation, and may “rely” on that to finish. (I.e. your tolerance for sensation is higher, ergo it takes more sensation to finish.) For now! Rest assured you can ease yourself back into finishing from other types of stimulation. Try using a lower setting, or using your hands for a bit, and masturbating without the “goal” or having an orgasm, meaning playing around and following good sensations, not rushing to finish. Use lube. Use more lube. Take deep breathes and try to relax into it. You’re not going to cum if you’re stressed out about not cumming.

Yet, this is where the attitude adjustment comes in, if you’ve scaled back on the sex toys and you still find you’re unable to cum without a vibrator…then my dear, use your vibrator. Lest we forget, the majority of people with vaginas can’t orgasm from penetration alone. That means, we need extra stimulation (most often clitoral) as we’re getting it on. If you’ve found something that makes you feel good, use it! As long as everything is consensual, there are no bad orgasms.

  1. What to do if you’re sheepish about using toys with a partner or worry that it makes sex less “intimate”:

Using toys doesn’t make sex “intimate” or “natural”. It just doesn’t. Frankly, if something is making you have a better time, that sounds more intimate. Using a toy with a partner will likely take the pressure off when and if you’re going to finish and let you relax into the moment. It will nip any “How can I never finish” resentments, and let you connect deeper to your partner. It will help your partner understand what sensations you like. It may even help you and your partner orgasm at the same time. If all of that is not intimacy, I don’t what is.

Adding a toy in the bedroom doesn’t have to be some big or weird conversation, you can talk about it the way you’d talk about protection, “Hey, mind if I grab my vibe?” Or express that toys are there to heighten the experience you’re having, “It feels so good when you’re in me, I’m gonna put my vibe on my clit to really send me over the edge.” There is no competition between your partner (or your own hand!) and a toy, consider them all like sexy tapas, they all taste different and there’s room for them all.

  1. What to do if you’re intrigued by using your hands and wondering why you stopped using them to masturbate:

Good question! Why did you stop? Are you uncomfortable touching yourself? Were toys quicker? Do toys feel better? Do you like them more? If you’re feeling intrigued by your hands, try ditching your toy for a week.

Bring a hand mirror and watch yourself. Learn what sensations you feel in different places. Use lube. Remember you can always grab a toy when you need it. And if you realize you prefer using toys, great. We welcome all pleasure, manual or mechanical.


Masturbation Mythbusting: Can We Be Too Reliant on Vibrators? by Griffin Wynne originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee?

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

If your only experience with squirting is limited to seeing it in porn, you’ve probably convinced yourself that there’s no way that act is real.

While there hasn’t been as much research as other bodily functions dedicated to figuring out the science behind squirting, documentation of ejaculation in vulva owners goes all the way back to the kama sutra. And numerous studies since have found that some vulva owners do indeed expel fluid during orgasm. A study from 1984 concluded that 54% of vulva owners experienced an “orgasmic expulsion of fluid” at least one time and 14% experienced it almost every time they reached orgasm. A 2017 study concluded that 69% of vulva owners between 18 and 39 had experienced ejaculation during orgasm. So yes, squirting is real.

Squirt is pee

First, I want to clarify that there is some urine in precum and ejaculatory fluid in penis owners. So, yes— there is some pee in all ejaculate fluid, but it’s not all pee. It’s all a combination of ejaculatory fluid as well as urinary fluid. There is both urea and creatinine, which can be mistaken for urine. Ejaculate is an alkaline liquid, similar to prostate fluid; think of it like ejaculate from a penis without the sperm (like juice without pulp, if you will). The liquid is usually clear to yellowish, and thinner than the slippery lubrication vaginas create. If the similarity to pee still makes you feel uncomfortable, try peeing right before sexual activity. If your bladder isn’t full, you can rest assured that whatever’s coming out of you is not pee.

Vulva owners have tissue surrounding their urethra, called the urethral sponge. This is all part of the internal clitoris (the G-spot is the spot closest to the root of the clit) and is actually very similar to the erectile tissue in a penis. When you’re turned on, the clitoris and urethral sponge swell and essentially become erect. There are tiny glands in and right next to the urethra on the front wall of the vagina, called Skene’s or paraurethral glands, and they can fill with fluid when you’re turned on. The Skene gland is biologically similar to the prostate. Urine is present in the fluid because these glands are so close to the urethra. Part of the reason this myth is so unending is because, when vulva owners are going to squirt, they often feel like they have to pee. That feeling is misleading because when you’re turned on, the tissue around your urethra gets filled with blood, which will press against your bladder, making you feel like you need to pee. But trust me, it doesn’t mean you’re actually going to pee yourself. The simple solution? Go to the bathroom before playtime. So then, with an empty bladder, you can be confident that you’re squirting and definitely not peeing.

Squirting and Ejaculation are the same thing

These are harder to define since squirting isn’t a medical term and it’s hard to quantify colloquial terms. Squirting typically describes the release of a fluid that’s clear and colorless, where ejaculation is used to describe the release of another kind of fluid that is often white and milky, includes prostate-specific antigens (PSAs) and other compounds found in semen. Squirting typically involves a larger amount of fluid being released, sometimes described as “gushing” or “geyser-like,” whereas female ejaculation alone is usually a pretty small amount of fluid. These two different types of release can happen independently or simultaneously of one another. This makes it not only harder to research, but to explain the information. it’s likely more accurate to say that there is ejaculation, which is the same as squirting.

All vulva-owners can squirt

So, yes and no. While I wouldn’t tell anyone that they’re incapable of squirting, I also wouldn’t say that everyone squirts. This research suggests that anywhere between 10 and 50 percent of vulva owners noticed involuntary ejaculation. The issue is that it’s not always obvious that it happened. If you’ve ever had sex and found yourself in a big wet spot on the bed, it’s possible that you squirted without ever noticing. Think of it like sweating; while everyone sweats, some people sweat more than others. Some people’s Skene’s glands may be on the smaller side or simply less active than others, or there might be scar tissue blocking the ducts. You might be holding yourself back because you might mistakenly think you’re going to pee. Or perhaps, you just might not have ever had their urethral sponge stimulated enough (or in the necessary way) to actually ejaculate. It can take a lot of exploration of your own body, just don’t put too much pressure on yourself, it can be counterproductive.

The porn you’ve seen may make it look easy, but not everyone finds it pleasurable or even comfortable. The bottom line is Everyone is different. The body doesn’t follow rules for experiencing pleasure. The amount of liquid can also vary wildly from person to person. Some will squirt a lot, others might be more of a drip, while some can make puddles that look like they wet the bed. Typically the fluid expelled is only about a teaspoon and doesn’t usually make it across the room, but results will vary depending on your body.

Keep in mind that the clit is more than the little numb you can see. Think of an iceberg and how most of it is actually unseen under the water; the legs of the clitoris are the same, they criss cross through the pelvis under the skin where you wouldn’t be able to see. The legs of the clitoris extend four inches below the surface of the skin, branching out into legs and bulbs on either side of the vaginal canal. So how those nerve endings respond to different stimulation or how sensitive they are will differ from person to person. Sure, stimulating the g-spot, the spongy area of the front wall of the vagina about half-way between the opening and the cervix, makes some people squirt. But that’s not the only path you can or should take to that particular destination.

You can’t train yourself to squirt

Squirting is just one of the many ways to experience pleasure, and luckily pleasure is something that can be learned and expanded on. Squirting is mostly involuntary, but you can take time to figure out your body’s preferences, but there are no shortcuts. You’ll really need to invest time in experimenting with your own body to figure out the moves or combination of sensations that will get you there. If your partner has fantasies of bringing you to a mind-blowing orgasm, solo exploration can be the best way to get to know your body. And once you figure out what works best for you, it’s easier to communicate what works to your partner.

When trying to squirt, start by warming your body up and making sure you’re fully aroused before you even stimulate your G-spot, which is located on the front of the wall of the vagina and has a noticeable spongy texture. To find it, curve your fingers and use the pads and not your fingertips to locate that spongy tissue. When you feel a ridge, you’ll know you’re in the right place. You can add toys to help you reach if your fingers can’t easily access your g-spot. Also remember that the G-spot isn’t the only ticket to gush city, you can also try a wand with powerful vibrations which might pull forth your first squirt! Try experimenting with your own preferences and see what brings you the most pleasure. It might even be a blended orgasm from putting a curved attachment on your favorite wand to get there.

Just trust the journey and enjoy the pleasure you’re experiencing along the way. When you put pressure yourself to squirt or even just reach orgasm you’re less likely to be able to do it. Reaching the big O is as much mental as it is physical. Being in a positive headspace is equally as important as the physical things you’re doing. How will you let go and squirt if you can’t get out of your own head? Don’t overthink it. Patience, practice and just enjoying the journey is all you need!

Squirting is the same as an orgasm

While squirting and orgasm can often happen together, they aren’t mutually exclusive. Sometimes folks will squirt without an orgasm; sometimes, they’ll squirt while orgasming, and sometimes they’ll squirt after they get off, especially if you’re feeling relaxed. Orgasm is talking about the sensation of pleasure and release accompanied by muscle contractions. Where ejaculation is talking about the release of fluid which may, or may not occur together.

The Bottom Line?

Squirting is no myth, though the jury is still out on the exact mechanics behind it. But regardless of what’s in it, squirting feels good for many people, and we should encourage and celebrate all pleasurable sexual experiences. So if it feels good, don’t hold back: Wet the bed!

Masturbation Mythbusting: Is Squirt Pee? by Carly S. originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

The Art of Oral Sex Part Two

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Without a doubt your mouth is one of the most dexterous and sensual organs – filled with natural lubricant, and endowed with sensitive nerve endings, the heat of your breath, and a tongue that can target erogenous zones with effortless ease. It’s no wonder that oral sex is often a fan favorite for both sexes. But for many there is an intimidation factor, along with stigma for exploring such a vulnerable act.

In this upcoming webinar, Part Two of our Art of Oral Sex series on April 30th @ 1pm EST we’ll be exploring the power of pleasuring the penis and the surrounding area – better known as fellatio. We’ll explore how sensual communication, both through language and the non-verbal erogenous pathways of fellatio, can take your lover to new dimensions of penile pleasure. We’ll also be addressing some of the common hang-ups, insecurities, and inhibitions that often arise with fellatio, both for the giver and the receiver.

Our goal for this class will be to give you a fresh new perspective, along with satiating tools, to enjoy fellatio as an amazing act of intimacy and as a tried-and-true method for taking your partner over the edge into mind-blowing pleasure.

Remember, if you can’t make the live show, register and Kinklly will send you the recording and the slides in a couple days.

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Presented by:

Sponsored by:


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Sex and Disability – A Panel Discussion


The NHCDD is excited to team up with Jules Good of Neighborhood Access for Sex and Disability, A Panel Discussion! Spend an hour with Jules and their guests, Bianca Laureano, Robin Wilson-Beattie, and Riley Dwight.
Bianca is an award-winning educator, curriculum writer and sexologist. She is a foundress of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network, The LatiNegrxs Project, and hosts LatinoSexuality.com.
Robin is a “Southerner with disabilities”, a disability and sexuality educator, speaker, independent researcher, content creator, and writer.
Riley is the creative force behind and founder of Approaching Access. They are a disabled, queer, non-binary person who is an expert on accessible sex toys.
Zoom registration link: https://cutt.ly/QcxWGkW
If you have any questions, you can contact Jules Good at Neighborhood Access at Jules@NeighborhoodAccess.org or Vanessa Blais from the DD Council at Vanessa.A.Blais@DDC.NH.gov.

SEXUAL HEALING – A Sexpert Panel hosted by Loveology University®

Sponsored by: CalExotics

Panelists Are:
Tamara Bell, Dr. Ava Cadell, Dr. Sadie Allison, John Renko, Dr. Cat Meyer, Laurie Handlers, Jacqui Rubinoff, Sabrina Jackson, Alina Vergara, Heather Montgomery

What You Can Expect:
The Sexpert Panel will talk candidly, as if you were meeting face to face over drinks and discuss fully and openly the most intimate details of topics you are interested in.

Best of all, renowned Sexperts will share their wisdom to help ease your concerns, lower your inhibitions and transport you to sexual empowerment.. 


One lucky attendee will be chosen to win our sponsor’s (CalExotics) adult pleasure product basket. A winner will be chosen at random at the end of the event. You must be in attendance to claim the prize.

Register here