Best Toys for Folks Who Identify as Asexuals

If you’re not familiar, asexuality is just another point on the spectrum of sexual attraction. Some people are homosexual (and are attracted to people of the same gender), others are bisexual (and are attracted to people of two or more genders), and yet others can be asexual.

What does asexual mean?

Asexual folks don’t experience sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean that they don’t experience arousal or desire, just that any arousal or desire isn’t directed towards a specific person. It also doesn’t mean that asexual people can’t have fulfilling romantic relationships, since successful relationships don’t always require sex! All asexuality means is that a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction.

While there are lots of folks who are asexual and who want nothing to do with sex- and that’s totally fine- there are others, who love toys and embrace them fully, no matter the style. Our list of the toys below are for those in that gray area; not quite sex-repulsed, but not quite fully invested in hyper-realistic sex toys.

Asexual folks’ choice #1: Vibrators

Clitoris owners typically appreciate some vibrations, regardless of subsequent or simultaneous activities. Try to find a small, lipstick-sized vibrator if you’re looking for pinpoint stimulation or move up to more power-focused vibrator that provides suction or dual-motor, surround sound style vibration.

Many folks like broader stimulation, so wand-style vibrators are great for this.

Experiment with different kinds if you can, and see what you like! Regardless of the style, be sure to read some reviews and look for vibrators that are rumbly, not buzzy.

Asexual folks’ choice #2: Dildos

Silicone is a great material that lends itself well to dildo-making. Many companies have very realistic options, but also some more abstract, non-realistic designs as well. Sometimes they’re simply cylindrical, others will have curves and waves or other textures.

Make sure your toy has a flared base if you’re using it for anal play, or that it’s compatible with a harness if you’re thinking about incorporating strap-ons into your repertoire.

There are also vibrating dildos, which can be a great way to shake up any monotony. Many vibrators meant for internal use have prominent curves meant for G-spot stimulation, though if you find you don’t like that particular sensation, these vibes can also be great multitaskers and work well for clitoral stimulation as well!

Be sure to look for body-safe materials like silicone and waterproofing if you plan to experiment in the shower or bath.

Asexual folks’ choice #3: Plugs

If you have a prostate, the prostate-specific plugs might be a fun option to explore that pleasure zone. With or without a prostate, plugs marketed to novices are a great option for some introductory anal play.

Remember to go slow, use lots of lube, and think of it as a marathon instead of a sprint. If it’s your first time experimenting with anal play, don’t feel like you have to get the whole toy in at once, or leave it in for a long time. Any amount of progress is a success, and always remember to use toys with a flared base for safety!

Even if you’re not asexual, some folks just don’t like realistic toys. There are always some great options out there for more abstract toys in satisfying, body-safe shapes and materials.

Best Toys for Folks Who Identify as Asexuals originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Back to Basics: Anal Sex Hacks for Beginners and Pros

Anal sex is an enticing idea for many—whether you’re an expert or an eager enthusiast.

However, there’s a lot that goes into preparing for this type of play. How do you prevent pain? What if there’s mess? How do you add novelty to your regular routine? Does enjoying anal affect your sexuality?

We know you’ve got these questions on your mind. And Serena Red has the answers. (Spoilers: lube, plan for it, talk about it, no.)

Serena Red is a content creator and sex writer and educator with a bullshit- and judgement-free approach to sex talk. You might know her from her blog, her fan club or her posts on FetLife (where she was named “Queen of Listicles”)—but you’re about to know her as your go-to guide for all things anal.

On Friday, April 29 at 7 p.m. MST, Serena will walk you through:

  • Misconceptions about anal sex
  • Safe sex and consent
  • How to prepare for anal sex
  • Rimming and analingus
  • Tools and techniques for anal sex

Plus, you don’t have to be an expert! This webinar is catered to pleasure-seekers of all experience levels. All you need is an open mind and an interest in anal sex. And we know you have the latter 😉

Don’t want to plan that far ahead? Don’t worry! Register anyway and they’ll send you a recording to watch on-demand.

Mark your calendar; this is a masterclass you don’t want to miss

Register now!

7 Creative Ways to Orgasm from Clit Stimulation

Struggling to arouse your most personal pleasure spot? Sexual wellness writer Amanda Chatel shares some tried & tested ways to get lit with clit stimulation!

Oh, the beautiful, magnificent clitoris. Although once an anomaly, and even now somewhat misunderstood by those who either don’t have one or have yet to educate themselves on it, the clitoris, AKA the clit, is the center of pleasure for the majority of those who have a vulva.

Study after study of vulva owners has found that without clit stimulation, almost 80% of them can’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Granted, this percentage fluctuates a bit based on the study’s pool of participants, but the lesson here is that climax and clit stimulation go hand-in-hand for many.

What is the Clitoris?

The clitoris is, both literally and metaphorically, more than meets the eye. While there is the glan clitoris, the part of the clit that’s outside the body, there is a whole other part—an even larger part—inside.

Comprised of two corpora cavernosa, forming two crura (basically legs) that extend inward, the internal part of the clit resembles a wishbone and can be anywhere from 3.5 to 5 inches long, with a width of 2.5 inches. That’s a lot of behind-the-scenes that make the clit such a powerful erogenous zone. The external part alone is packed with roughly 8,000 nerve endings, with as many as 15,000 nerves throughout the pelvic area.

Clit Stimulation for Beginners

Because there is no one way to stimulate the clit, if you’re new to it (whether it be your own or someone else’s), it’s a good idea to take things step-by-step.

Locate the clit.

Not everyone knows where the clit is and that’s OK! This can especially be the case for those who don’t have one. If it’s your own that you’re trying to locate, a mirror can help. If it’s someone else’s, have them lay on their back and spread their legs so that you can get a good look at the layout of the land. Although clits vary in size and some are more noticeable than others, due to their clitoral hood, it resides at the top of the vulva. If you touch it with your finger, it will feel like a soft nub and with all those nerves, you’ll know you’ve hit the money spot.

Explore it.

For some people with a clitoris, one-quarter or half of the external part might be more sensitive than the other parts. There’s also the chance that some clits are too sensitive for too much pressure, while others need a lot of pressure and aggressive stimulation to get off. Some like tapping, while others prefer circular motions. It’s all about exploring what feels good and what can feel better.

Introduce some clitoral toys.

We’re lucky enough to live in a day and age where the range of clitoral toys is vast and the quality is exceptional. If you find you prefer a vibration type of sensation, then toys like Le Wand Deux, named for its twin-motor, can either directly stimulate the clit or be used to stimulate the surrounding area—a great option for those with sensitive clits that don’t need direct contact to orgasm

Use lube.

Although lube is often thought of as something that makes penetrative sex, both vaginally and anally better, it also makes clit stimulation superior too. While vaginas lubricate when a vulva owner is aroused, clits do not. That’s why having some lube on hand or a clitoral stimulation serum, either while masturbating with your fingers or a toy, is always a good idea. Yes, friction can feel good for some, but for others, it’s the silky smooth ride provided by lube that hits the spot.

7 Creative Ways to Orgasm from Clit Stimulation

While there are more than a few ways to stimulate the clit — showerhead, anyone? — here are seven approaches to get you started.

  1. Take a bike ride.

When women first started riding bicycles during the Victorian Era there was actual concern that the seat, combined with the bouncing along on the road, would cause women to be climaxing all over town. So, take that bike on a gravel road and see how you feel afterward.

  1. Use your pillow or mattress.

Have you humped your bed lately? No. Then maybe it’s time to get on that. Both your bed and pillow can stimulate the clit while you writhe in pleasure in your sheets.

  1. Internal stimulation.

Since we know the clitoris is also internal, stimulating along the wall against your pubic bone and lower stomach (the G-spot area) is another way to achieve pleasure. This internal part of the clit can be reached by a finger or by a toy.

  1. Look for something around the house.

Listen, with enough creativity, any household item can be used for clit stimulation. Although the showerhead may be the most obvious, take a look at your electric toothbrush—any thoughts? A 2018 survey found that 70% of people with vulvas had used a household item to get off.

  1. Hump your partner.

From the “sideways saddle” in which you sit on your partner, face away from them and use their bended knee to stimulate your clit, or straddle any part of their body and turn your partner into a playground of orgasm opportunities.

  1. Do Kegel exercises.

Kegel exercises might not seem an obvious choice for clit stimulation, but it actually is. Clenching and releasing, while strengthening the pelvic floor, is basically like stroking the internal part of the clit.

  1. Edging.

When you practice edging, either on yourself or with a partner, you bring yourself as close to an orgasm as you can, then stop; as in a full STOP. After a couple of minutes, you do it again to another full stop. You can do this as many times as you want, with the guarantee that when you finally do let yourself or your partner come, the orgasm will be stronger and maybe even longer.

Frequently Asked Questions About Clit Stimulation

Q: Help! I don’t think clit stimulation is working for me. What should I do?

First of all, don’t worry! Sexuality is complicated and what works for some isn’t necessarily going to work for someone else. There can be many reasons why clitoral stimulation might not work for someone: street, medication, sleeping issues, and more.

If you’re not in the moment when it comes to clit stimulation, it can be trying to achieve an orgasm. Stress, anxiety, and other external factors can weigh heavily on one’s mind and make climaxing via clit stimulation but a dream. Medications, too, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can also stand in the way of an orgasm.

If you’ve tried to stimulate your clit, both internally and externally, but it’s just not working for you, don’t fret. It may just be a matter of changing your medication, learning how to be more mindful so you can be in the moment, or exploring other erogenous zones that just might be a better match for what you need to feel pleasure.

Q: Is it possible to over-stimulate the clit?

Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Let’s unpack this.

During clit stimulation, the entire vulva becomes aroused and engorged with blood. All those thousands of nerve endings are tantalized and working their magic to make sure you have a pleasurable orgasm. Once you do, the clitoris can become sensitive. You might find that touching it directly after climax is too much to bear; this is even more the case if you have an especially sensitive clit. In these instances, it’s just a matter of stepping back and giving your clit the chance to take a breather, relax, and basically gain its composure—and it will.

What’s also important to realize in these moments, contrary to myths, is that you can’t numb your clitoris with excessive stimulation or by using a vibrator. Nor do you only have a finite number of orgasms, so you better use them sparingly—that’s all bupkis. If you experience an over-stimulated clit, rest assured that it will pass. Then you can get back to clit stimulation again!

7 Creative Ways to Orgasm from Clit Stimulation by Amanda Chatel originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Kink 101: How to Get Started When You Think You Might Be Kinky

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Kink 101: How to Get Started When You Think You Might Be Kinky

Presented by Kinkly

Friday February 11, 2022

11:00 am MST
Registration Fee: $30 USD  

What do you do when you think you might be kinky?

Run for the hills? Or to the nearest sex shop and buy all of the bondage and ball gags?

No one actually ever tells you what to do, or actually what kink really is. Are you a top, a bottom, a service slave, something else entirely? And what do any of these words ACTUALLY mean?

This workshop is here to take you right back to basics, with a no-bullshit, no holds barred exploration of kink.

In this 2 hour workshop you’ll learn:

  • What is kink?
  • What is a power exchange?
  • A brief history of BDSM
  • Tools and techniques to kick start your own BDSM journey

Can’t make it to the live event? Register to receive the recording.

Register Now

Masturbation Mythbusting: All Things Anal

Something I love about butts (and there are many things) is that we all have one. It’s a universal pleasure zone, something we can all enjoy, no matter your gender or anatomy.

It’s an inclusive concept that we all seemed to understand centuries ago in 2300 B.C.E. to 100 C.E., when the Babylonians and Grecians (and soon after, the Romans) lived their best lives and fucked anyone they wanted. But that would come to an end in the early 1200s, when religion introduced shame to the bedroom and to our assholes.

As churches became a more powerful entity in society, this shame was amplified to the point that anal sex (“sodomy”) was against the law. If you can believe it, the law considers anal sex a “perverted sexual act” and is still illegal in 12 states across America. The ACLU confidently asserts that these laws are inextricably linked to homophobia. And they have receipts.

Considering the above, it’s safe to say that anal stimulation is still shrouded in a thick fog of stigma. And as a result, there is an abundance of misinformation out there. So let’s clear some of that up right now.

MYTH #1: You need to douche.

One of the biggest misconceptions about anal play is that you’re entering the area where poop is stored, which more or less guarantees a messy experience. This isn’t true. The rectum, which is anywhere from six to nine inches long, is merely a point of passage for your poop, but is where the majority of toys and penises come in contact with.

Where stool is actually stored is a place called the sigmoid colon, which lives just above the rectum, on a right degree angle. This area is closed off by part of our anatomy known as the rectosigmoid junction, otherwise known as the “second hole” among anal enthusiasts. Think of it like a valve that naturally opens when it’s time to go number two.

The only way someone could reach the sigmoid colon is with an exceptionally large toy, penis, or fist. People who engage in more extreme anal play will often douche, because they will be stimulating this area. (On that note: Shower douches, while popular, are a big no-no, as they don’t often regulate water pressure.)

All of this is to say that as long as you keep the rectum free of feces, you shouldn’t experience any mess. You can help accomplish this by eating a diet rich in fibre (FYI: fiber supplements are a God-send if you engage regularly) and avoid trigger-foods like: coffee, red meat, alcohol and spicy things 24 to 48 hours before the action. That means no Chipotle for you, bb!

Besides diet, if you use the bathroom an hour before intercourse and rinse off in the shower afterward, you should be good to go.

If you want to double-check, lube your finger, put it up your ass and feel around for any pesky lingerers. Just make sure your nails are trimmed because, like a Cancer listening to Evermore, the skin in that area is mighty sensitive.

But of course, nothing is foolproof and shit happens from time to time. So if and when it happens to you, don’t make a big deal of it. Make a decision to clean up and continue, or reschedule. It’s no biggie!

MYTH #2: You use it, you loose it.

People seem to think that because our assholes don’t have the same elasticity or lubricity of a vagina that if we engage in regular anal intercourse, we will be left with a wrinkled, cavernous hole. This isn’t true!

The reality is that our anal sphincter is four times stronger than what’s required for its intended purpose (to hold in poop), which means we can afford to lose some elasticity in the area.

In fact, the slight reduction in anal resting tone (which gauges the tightness of the muscle when it isn’t being used) that can occur from anal sex makes the act easier and more comfortable in the future. Even then, the muscle is still much tighter than what is required to function.

Most people who experience loss of function tend to enjoy exceptionally large toys or engage in more extreme acts like fisting, which, if done unsafely, can cause the muscle to loosen beyond repair. More often than not, these people know these potential repercussions.

As long as you use plenty of lube, take your time, and stop and reassess when things get painful, you’re doing everything you can to prevent damaging your precious hole.

MYTH #3: Anal play is gay.

Imagine thinking that playing with a part of your anatomy––one that houses a powerhouse of pleasure, no less––has any impact on your masculinity and who you find sexually attractive?

Unfortunately, due to relentless societal conditioning, homophobia and religion, that’s the way many heterosexual men regard anal sex. But thankfully, that’s beginning to change.

Research from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention found people’s opinions about anal sex really started to change around the mid-2000s. Back in ‘92, only 20 percent of women and 26 percent of men ages 18–59 had tried anal sex. In 2008, sixteen years later, 39 percent of women and 44 percent of men ages 15–44 had given it a try.

More recently, a nation-wide survey by Future Method found that 72 percent of Americans have engaged in anal sex, and that straight-identifying folks engage nearly twice a month.

What’s more, the survey revealed that 10 percent of straight Americans have tried pegging, suggesting that female-identifying partners may be taking the dominant role when engaging in anal sex with their male-identifying partners. Now that’s progress!

So while these archaic anal perspectives are still present today, they’re becoming less and less prevalent as people continue opening their minds and holes to the pleasures of anal stimulation. It’s a classic tale of: don’t knock it ‘till you try it!

MYTH #4: Anal only feels good for prostate-owners.

Because people with penises have a prostate and people born with vulvas don’t, it’s assumed that only the former can derive pleasure from anal play. Well guess what? That’s not true either.

In fact, there are a ton of pleasurable nerve-endings in the area and both the G-spot and A-spot (which, for those who may not know, is roughly two inches higher than the G-spot) can be accessed from the rectum via the shared wall between the vagina and the rectum.

The clitoris can be stimulated from anal sex as well. While many perceive the clitoris as a tiny nub nestled on top of the labia, there is a lot we don’t see. (As wild as it sounds, we didn’t fully understand the anatomy of the clitoris until 2005, and who’s to say there isn’t more we’re going to learn?). The clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone, with “legs” extending all the way down to the anus. This is the part of the clitoris that can be stimulated through anal play.

ONE LAST THING: Believe in your butt.

It’s worth noting (yet again) that these myths only exist because of undue stigma. Once you take it upon yourself to start learning about and exploring the pleasures of the anus, the less intimidated you’ll be.

Generally speaking, you should approach anal sex as you would any type of sex: with an open mind, the proper tools, a willingness to explore, and, if you’re not going at it solo, a partner you can trust.

Masturbation Mythbusting: All Things Anal by Bobby Box originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Pioneering Penis Pleasure, presented by Kinkly & Satisfyer

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FREE WEBINAR MASTERCLASS


Pioneering Penis Pleasure

Are you looking to test the waters of penis pleasure in entirely new ways? Whether it’s stroking, licking, squeezing, admiring, teasing, or tasting there are so many ways to pioneer the frontiers of your own penis pleasure.
In this upcoming webinar, we’ll be covering the basics, including the key erogenous zones, communication skills, and safe sex tips for the most stimulating play.

They’ll also be expanding your repertoire to include taking the reins on prostate pleasure through indirect soft play, spanking, and perineum pressing which can be incorporated in coitus or during oral pleasure to take your lover into unbound ecstasy. This presentation will also draw on a few intimate stories to share first-hand do’s and don’ts, to give you the most intimate insights into pleasure.

Join us as we get as you explore the glories of pleasuring the penis with new levels of lust and pioneering gusto.

Expect to learn about:

  • Anatomy and the key erogenous zones you need to know
  • Using soft play as the perfect tease and confidence booster The joys of edging, taking it slow, and the divinely “dry orgasm”
  • Getting creative with cock play in the midst of coitus
  • Exploring the topsy-turvy journey of seminal fluid and the riches of the “S-cocktail”

Register Now

CAN’T MAKE IT TO THE LIVE EVENT?
Even if you can’t make it, sign up anyway! Kinkly will  send you the recording.

Register to receive the recording.

3 Steps to a Higher Libido and More Frequent Sex

Does sex feel like a chore? Are you frustrated because you (or your beau/s) want sex more? Do you want to want it?

Join Passion by Kait founder and certified sex educator, Kait Scalisi, MPH for a free workshop to get on the same page libido-wise and get excited about sex again.

In this hour-long workshop you’ll learn:
* the two most common reasons you or your partner’s sex drive is low
* practical and powerful techniques to get in the mood
* the #1 step you can take to start having more fun and frequent sex ASAP

You’ll leave feeling confident (in yourself and your relationship/s) and excited about having sex again.

Kait will also share more about PbK’s latest course, The PbK Guide to Having More Sex.

A replay will be made available for a limited time to those who can’t make it live.

Register Now