If you’re not familiar, asexuality is just another point on the spectrum of sexual attraction. Some people are homosexual (and are attracted to people of the same gender), others are bisexual (and are attracted to people of two or more genders), and yet others can be asexual.

What does asexual mean?

Asexual folks don’t experience sexual attraction. That doesn’t mean that they don’t experience arousal or desire, just that any arousal or desire isn’t directed towards a specific person. It also doesn’t mean that asexual people can’t have fulfilling romantic relationships, since successful relationships don’t always require sex! All asexuality means is that a person doesn’t experience sexual attraction.

While there are lots of folks who are asexual and who want nothing to do with sex- and that’s totally fine- there are others, who love toys and embrace them fully, no matter the style. Our list of the toys below are for those in that gray area; not quite sex-repulsed, but not quite fully invested in hyper-realistic sex toys.

Asexual folks’ choice #1: Vibrators

Clitoris owners typically appreciate some vibrations, regardless of subsequent or simultaneous activities. Try to find a small, lipstick-sized vibrator if you’re looking for pinpoint stimulation or move up to more power-focused vibrator that provides suction or dual-motor, surround sound style vibration.

Many folks like broader stimulation, so wand-style vibrators are great for this.

Experiment with different kinds if you can, and see what you like! Regardless of the style, be sure to read some reviews and look for vibrators that are rumbly, not buzzy.

Asexual folks’ choice #2: Dildos

Silicone is a great material that lends itself well to dildo-making. Many companies have very realistic options, but also some more abstract, non-realistic designs as well. Sometimes they’re simply cylindrical, others will have curves and waves or other textures.

Make sure your toy has a flared base if you’re using it for anal play, or that it’s compatible with a harness if you’re thinking about incorporating strap-ons into your repertoire.

There are also vibrating dildos, which can be a great way to shake up any monotony. Many vibrators meant for internal use have prominent curves meant for G-spot stimulation, though if you find you don’t like that particular sensation, these vibes can also be great multitaskers and work well for clitoral stimulation as well!

Be sure to look for body-safe materials like silicone and waterproofing if you plan to experiment in the shower or bath.

Asexual folks’ choice #3: Plugs

If you have a prostate, the prostate-specific plugs might be a fun option to explore that pleasure zone. With or without a prostate, plugs marketed to novices are a great option for some introductory anal play.

Remember to go slow, use lots of lube, and think of it as a marathon instead of a sprint. If it’s your first time experimenting with anal play, don’t feel like you have to get the whole toy in at once, or leave it in for a long time. Any amount of progress is a success, and always remember to use toys with a flared base for safety!

Even if you’re not asexual, some folks just don’t like realistic toys. There are always some great options out there for more abstract toys in satisfying, body-safe shapes and materials.

Best Toys for Folks Who Identify as Asexuals originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz

Struggling to arouse your most personal pleasure spot? Sexual wellness writer Amanda Chatel shares some tried & tested ways to get lit with clit stimulation!

Oh, the beautiful, magnificent clitoris. Although once an anomaly, and even now somewhat misunderstood by those who either don’t have one or have yet to educate themselves on it, the clitoris, AKA the clit, is the center of pleasure for the majority of those who have a vulva.

Study after study of vulva owners has found that without clit stimulation, almost 80% of them can’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Granted, this percentage fluctuates a bit based on the study’s pool of participants, but the lesson here is that climax and clit stimulation go hand-in-hand for many.

What is the Clitoris?

The clitoris is, both literally and metaphorically, more than meets the eye. While there is the glan clitoris, the part of the clit that’s outside the body, there is a whole other part—an even larger part—inside.

Comprised of two corpora cavernosa, forming two crura (basically legs) that extend inward, the internal part of the clit resembles a wishbone and can be anywhere from 3.5 to 5 inches long, with a width of 2.5 inches. That’s a lot of behind-the-scenes that make the clit such a powerful erogenous zone. The external part alone is packed with roughly 8,000 nerve endings, with as many as 15,000 nerves throughout the pelvic area.

Clit Stimulation for Beginners

Because there is no one way to stimulate the clit, if you’re new to it (whether it be your own or someone else’s), it’s a good idea to take things step-by-step.

Locate the clit.

Not everyone knows where the clit is and that’s OK! This can especially be the case for those who don’t have one. If it’s your own that you’re trying to locate, a mirror can help. If it’s someone else’s, have them lay on their back and spread their legs so that you can get a good look at the layout of the land. Although clits vary in size and some are more noticeable than others, due to their clitoral hood, it resides at the top of the vulva. If you touch it with your finger, it will feel like a soft nub and with all those nerves, you’ll know you’ve hit the money spot.

Explore it.

For some people with a clitoris, one-quarter or half of the external part might be more sensitive than the other parts. There’s also the chance that some clits are too sensitive for too much pressure, while others need a lot of pressure and aggressive stimulation to get off. Some like tapping, while others prefer circular motions. It’s all about exploring what feels good and what can feel better.

Introduce some clitoral toys.

We’re lucky enough to live in a day and age where the range of clitoral toys is vast and the quality is exceptional. If you find you prefer a vibration type of sensation, then toys like Le Wand Deux, named for its twin-motor, can either directly stimulate the clit or be used to stimulate the surrounding area—a great option for those with sensitive clits that don’t need direct contact to orgasm

Use lube.

Although lube is often thought of as something that makes penetrative sex, both vaginally and anally better, it also makes clit stimulation superior too. While vaginas lubricate when a vulva owner is aroused, clits do not. That’s why having some lube on hand or a clitoral stimulation serum, either while masturbating with your fingers or a toy, is always a good idea. Yes, friction can feel good for some, but for others, it’s the silky smooth ride provided by lube that hits the spot.

7 Creative Ways to Orgasm from Clit Stimulation

While there are more than a few ways to stimulate the clit — showerhead, anyone? — here are seven approaches to get you started.

1. Take a bike ride.

When women first started riding bicycles during the Victorian Era there was actual concern that the seat, combined with the bouncing along on the road, would cause women to be climaxing all over town. So, take that bike on a gravel road and see how you feel afterward.

2. Use your pillow or mattress.

Have you humped your bed lately? No. Then maybe it’s time to get on that. Both your bed and pillow can stimulate the clit while you writhe in pleasure in your sheets.

3. Internal stimulation.

Since we know the clitoris is also internal, stimulating along the wall against your pubic bone and lower stomach (the G-spot area) is another way to achieve pleasure. This internal part of the clit can be reached by a finger or by a toy.

4. Look for something around the house.

Listen, with enough creativity, any household item can be used for clit stimulation. Although the showerhead may be the most obvious, take a look at your electric toothbrush—any thoughts? A 2018 survey found that 70% of people with vulvas had used a household item to get off.

5. Hump your partner.

From the “sideways saddle” in which you sit on your partner, face away from them and use their bended knee to stimulate your clit, or straddle any part of their body and turn your partner into a playground of orgasm opportunities.

6. Do Kegel exercises.

Kegel exercises might not seem an obvious choice for clit stimulation, but it actually is. Clenching and releasing, while strengthening the pelvic floor, is basically like stroking the internal part of the clit.

7. Edging.

When you practice edging, either on yourself or with a partner, you bring yourself as close to an orgasm as you can, then stop; as in a full STOP. After a couple of minutes, you do it again to another full stop. You can do this as many times as you want, with the guarantee that when you finally do let yourself or your partner come, the orgasm will be stronger and maybe even longer.

Frequently Asked Questions About Clit Stimulation

Q: Help! I don’t think clit stimulation is working for me. What should I do?

First of all, don’t worry! Sexuality is complicated and what works for some isn’t necessarily going to work for someone else. There can be many reasons why clitoral stimulation might not work for someone: street, medication, sleeping issues, and more.

If you’re not in the moment when it comes to clit stimulation, it can be trying to achieve an orgasm. Stress, anxiety, and other external factors can weigh heavily on one’s mind and make climaxing via clit stimulation but a dream. Medications, too, especially selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can also stand in the way of an orgasm.

If you’ve tried to stimulate your clit, both internally and externally, but it’s just not working for you, don’t fret. It may just be a matter of changing your medication, learning how to be more mindful so you can be in the moment, or exploring other erogenous zones that just might be a better match for what you need to feel pleasure.

Q: Is it possible to over-stimulate the clit?

Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Let’s unpack this.

During clit stimulation, the entire vulva becomes aroused and engorged with blood. All those thousands of nerve endings are tantalized and working their magic to make sure you have a pleasurable orgasm. Once you do, the clitoris can become sensitive. You might find that touching it directly after climax is too much to bear; this is even more the case if you have an especially sensitive clit. In these instances, it’s just a matter of stepping back and giving your clit the chance to take a breather, relax, and basically gain its composure—and it will.

What’s also important to realize in these moments, contrary to myths, is that you can’t numb your clitoris with excessive stimulation or by using a vibrator. Nor do you only have a finite number of orgasms, so you better use them sparingly—that’s all bupkis. If you experience an over-stimulated clit, rest assured that it will pass. Then you can get back to clit stimulation again!

7 Creative Ways to Orgasm from Clit Stimulation by Amanda Chatel originally appeared on Rumble & Buzz