I get it— to-do lists aren’t exactly what you think of when you hear the word “sexy.” Nestled between taking out the trash and doing the laundry, I can see why the concept of scheduling sex might turn you off. But I’m here, as living proof, to confirm that scheduling sex can, in fact, be very very sexy!
Scheduling sex is an extremely beneficial practice for almost any couple beyond the initial rip-your-shirt-off, romp-fest days. It’s easy to see why scheduling sex would be needed for workaholics, parents, and long-distance couples. But also, let’s be real, when you’ve been with the same person for a long-ass while, it’s normal for your sex life to lose the excitement and passion it once had, and as a result, become less frequent. When done right, scheduling sex can be an exciting and natural way to re-spark that fiery flame. The key is in building…some anticipation.
Create the Atmosphere
Nothing gets me in the mood more than sultry lighting, clean sheets, the smell of fresh roses, lacy lingerie, some smooth jazz, and a glass of red wine. Because our emotions and our senses are so closely connected, all of these elements send a signal to your brain that makes you feel both physically and mentally ready for sex. Figure out what your idea of a sexy atmosphere is — or better yet, your partner’s — and I promise it will be worth the extra effort!
Send Dirty Texts Throughout the Day
Texting your partner steamy texts on your special, scheduled day is a surefire way to build anticipation. There’s something I love about sexting when in a meeting, on the elliptical or in the carpool lane. Perhaps it’s carrying around a dirty little secret that no one around me knows. Plus, it makes me feel extra confident and desired. By the time you finally see each other, you will go crazy with all the pent-up anticipation!
Use Time to Your Advantage
One of the best parts about scheduling sex is that it makes it easier to try something new with your partner that you’ve been putting off because it takes a little extra preparation and communication. Maybe you’ve always wanted to try role-playing, BDSM or anal, but never felt like it could happen naturally with spontaneous sex. Now is your chance! Talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies and then put them on the calendar! Knowing tonight is the night you’ll use a ball gag for the first time can be hella thrilling!
Masturbate In Front of Each Other
I’m going to let you in on a little trick of mine. When my husband and I are too tired to have sex or are struggling to get in the mood, we try mutual masturbation. This is a great trick because it is insanely intimate and pleasurable, but it requires less work and energy than a full-on sex sesh, plus a lot of the time seeing each other masturbate actually turns us on so much that we can’t keep our hands off each other.
At the end of the day, a little perspective change can go a long way. Scheduling sex is all about showing up for each other and deciding that your relationship and sex life are important, which is super hot in and of itself if you ask me. Now, go get your calendars…