A Social Distancer’s Guide to Sex

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Nothing puts a person’s dating life on hold quite like a global pandemic. With shelter-in-place orders in effect and bars and restaurants temporarily shut down, all of this social distancing can leave folks feeling defeated, bored and incredibly lonely.

Social distancing can also wreak havoc on a person’s sex life since they can’t physically be close to another in real life. But social distancing doesn’t have to ruin that person’s sex life altogether!  In fact, with a little creativity and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, you may actually find that it is possible to maintain a thriving sex life during this time.

Uncertain Times and Sex

Is it selfish to think about sex during this time of uncertainty? No! We are all human – and as humans, we have the capacity to hold a variety of thoughts and emotions at the same time, all circulating our minds together. Sympathy and empathy are emotions we are ALL feeling at this time, but that doesn’t mean we have to be completely void of other feelings. Please do not shame yourself (or others for that matter) if you are feeling horny or sensual during this time, too. We are allowed to feel what we feel, and it doesn’t make us less respectful or thoughtful.

But does sex even matter during this time of uncertainty? Many sex educators would argue yes.  (Oh, hell yes!) First of all, orgasms can decrease stress, lower anxiety levels and help you sleep better. They can also provide you with a short “meditative” retreat from reality, which is something many people are going to learn to appreciate over the next several months.

Sex While Social Distancing

To maintain a healthy sex life while social distancing, it’s imperative that you expand your definition of what “sex” means. Many people believe (or were taught to believe) that sex exclusively means penetration between two people. If you broaden your definition of sex and keep an open mind, however, there are many other ways to stay sexually active during this time.

  1. Have phone sex.  There is nothing steamier than a hot phone sex sesh with your crush. Take turns telling each other what you are wearing/taking off and explain in detail how you are touching your own bodies. This can be tantalizing! Close your eyes and tell your partner what you’d like to do to their body and what you’d like them to do to you in return. Talk about what you’d like to do the next time you see your partner in person. Go through vivid details about the last sexual encounter you had with them in person.  The visualization alone can lead to some really big O’s!
  2. Share your wildest fantasies. Phone sex can be the perfect excuse to share your wildest fantasies with your partner. When you aren’t in the same room or face-to-face, it can be a lot less intimidating to open up about your kinkiest of desires, too. You may even learn about some new fetishes you have in common and would like to explore the next time you see one another in person.
  3. Masturbate. Use this extended time at home to really get to know your body and what makes it tick.  Masturbate – but don’t just go through the motions. Take your time, set the mood (candles, music, a bubble bath), try a new toy, and watch some porn if that excites you. Treat yourself to some incredible, relaxing and sensual masturbation sessions and don’t rush them. Enjoy your body and appreciate the experience in its entirety.
  4. Experimentation. If you usually stick with the same masturbation routine or toy, this is the perfect time to try a new toy or experiment with new types of stimulation. Invest in your first butt plug, try a new stroker or test out a vibrator with a clit-sucker. Learn more about what your body likes so you can share your learnings in person later.
  5. Play creative games. There are plenty of ways to take your phone or video chat sessions to a higher, sexier level. Initiate a FaceTime game and see where things go. You may even notice an increase in confidence when playing from behind a screen in the comfort of your own home.

For those of you who are social distancing at home with a partner or spouse, tips two through five are totally doable in person, too! You could even do #1 (phone sex), if you wanted, from two separate rooms. No matter the case — solo or together – remember that sex is a fantastic method for destressing, so make time for connecting with your body/bodies and please, please, please don’t shame yourself for it.


A Social Distancer’s Guide to Sex by Jesse Hart was originally published on Calexotics.com

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