“A” is for anal. “B” is for ball gag. “C” is for clit. “D” is for dildo…
I could go on and on – trust me, I’m all about the adult alphabet stew – but for today, we’re just going to focus on A because “A” is for anal and guess what? August is Anal Pleasure Month! (Insert sound makers, confetti and fireworks here, LOL.)
Why would anyone want to celebrate anal sex for an entire month, you may ask? Well, why wouldn’t we?!? With everything that’s going on in the world today, I think it’s important now, more than ever, to celebrate pleasure in all of its forms. And anal…oh, sweet anal…can be insanely pleasurable for ALL people, particularly if you can get out of your head and into your body.
Just like anything else in the sexual rolodex, there are going to be some naysayers – some folks who just can’t understand why anyone, particularly those who identify as heterosexual, would want to do “that.” And listen, I get it. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t fathom anal play, but then…I saw the light! Allow me to break down some mental barriers for those of you who are anal-curious but haven’t quite ventured “there” yet out of either fear or misinformation.
Barrier 1: Anal sex is just for gay men.
Let’s break this barrier – it’s simply not true. Anal sex is for literally anyone who is interested in it and has a butt. Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true! Vulva owners can enjoy anal, hetero men can enjoy anal (hello P-spot pegging), lesbian couples can enjoy anal, pansexuals can enjoy anal, transgender people can enjoy anal, non-binary folks can enjoy anal – the list doesn’t stop there either. This is 2020, people – can we just acknowledge the fact that everyone is entitled to enjoy anal sex if they want to?
Barrier 2: Anal sex means full penetration.
We have to smash this mental barrier! Anal sex can be anything that involves pleasuring the anus in a sexual encounter. For instance, gentle touching around the anus before a well-lubed pinky insertion is anal sex! Rimming is anal sex. Butt plugs are anal sex. Anal beads are anal sex! When you expand your definition of what anal sex is beyond just full-on penetration, it starts to make the act much less intimidating for newbies.
Barrier 3: Anal sex is dirty.
Well, I suppose it can be – but one would hope that you and/or your partner would intuitively clean up a bit before anal sex, as well as after. Also, if this is really the biggest mental hurdle you’re facing, use condoms to cover your parts, a sex toy, or your finger(s).
Barrier 4: My partner won’t be into it.
This is usually an assumption people make because they haven’t worked up the courage to actually ask their partner if anal sex is something that interests them. Rather than assuming anything, why don’t you just go ahead and talk about it? Is it fear of judgement? Fear of rejection? If you don’t know how to bring it up, try using blogs or articles like this one as a jumping point. “I was just reading this article about anal pleasure – apparently a lot of people like it. Have you ever thought about trying it?”
Barrier 5: Anal pleasure is for couples only.
Oh hell no! Get that one out of your head, please, because the truth is that anal pleasure can be super-hot during a solo sesh. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Anal sex isn’t just for couples! You can do it solo! For penis-havers and vulva-owners, try adding a vibrating anal probe or small butt plug to your usual masturbation routine. Many find that the thrill of having anal stimulation, as well as clitoral or penis stimulation, is a huge turn-on and leads to some amazing finishes!
Barrier 6: Anal sex hurts.
Anal sex with insertion only hurts if you rush into it, take it too far/too fast, or decide to skip the lube. The anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina is, so be sure to use plenty of lubricant when you attempt any penetrative anal sex act, whether it be with body parts or toys. You want insertion to be super slick in order to find comfort and pleasure. Also, you never want to rush anal sex. Start SUPER slow, perhaps starting with just one knuckle of a finger, before moving deeper or adding any movement. The receiver should remember to relax and be communicative with their partner at all times. “Slow down, give me a little more, I’m ready, or stop” are all valid directions to give! If you communicate well the entire time, bliss is yours to receive. And remember – full penetration does not have to be your goal.
Lastly, I do realize that anal pleasure – even after coming to grips with the above – is still not for everyone. But don’t knock it until you try it. If you try it and it’s still not your jam, no problem! That’s what’s so fun about sex – exploring various acts to find what pleasures you and what doesn’t. It’s all a process…just enjoy the ride. Happy Anal August, all!