Gift giving is a wonderful way to share your affection for someone. Whether it’s giving season, a birthday, or just because, a sex toy can be a great gift for someone in your life. However, we must remember that we do live in a society where sex is complicated.
Some folks have stigmas, traumas, and values that may affect how they react to things involving sex. For some, sex can be a very private thing—so private that they only share it between them and their sexual partner. For others, they’ll speak about sex anytime—at the dinner table, at the coffee shop, in the middle of the street… Everyone’s comfort zone is different and we need to be aware of that.
This is why it’s important to evaluate who you’re gifting items to. So here are some considerations to make before you hit the “order” button.
Location, location
A good rule of thumb is to gift a sex toy to somewhere they’re comfortable opening it in front of people. This is best done in private, like at home, in a car before an event. After all, not everyone needs to be privy to what we get down to behind closed doors. As a general suggestion, avoid gifting a sex toy in these places:
– At a workplace
– In a restaurant or cafe
– At a family gathering
– At a playground
– In front of a partner (unless they’re cool!)
Their feelings around sex and sex toys in general
When giving a gift, you want to make someone happy. If someone has a really complicated past concerning sex, or if someone generally doesn’t speak about it… it’s probably not a good idea to gift a sex toy to them. Some people also still accept the common stigma that sex pleasure is dirty or not acceptable, and that’s their prerogative. If you don’t know how someone feels about sex, maybe stick to getting them a candle this holiday.
The type of sex toy
In a sex-positive crowd, a vibrator is rarely a polarizing option. However, gifting something like a butt plug, an impact toy, handcuffs, or anything else often leaves the recipient’s reaction a variable. We’re trying to avoid those, so make sure you have a bit of information about this person’s sexual proclivities before you purchase them anything racier than a bullet vibe. Also, be mindful of the size and strength of what you’re offering.
Be mindful that not everyone likes everything, and your gift may end up making them feel pressured to try out something that they do not really enjoy. Giving the wrong gift also might make someone feel like they’re not as sexually out there as you expect them to be, and that can be difficult to swallow.
Your relationship with this person
If this person is your partner (or a potential one), gifting a sex toy can get a little precarious. Even the most sexually intuitive person may balk at receiving a butt plug or a stroker for themselves. Why? Well, there’s more stigma around certain toys than others. It’s also important to be considerate. If you haven’t spoken to your partner about kinks, and then choose to go the route of gifting them some handcuffs, they may be caught off guard and feel expected to perform.
It’s also important to recognize that gifting a sex toy without intimate knowledge of someone can create a dubious area concerning consent. By gifting a sex toy, you’re immediately bringing sex to the conversation. If that person did not consent to that kind of conversation with you, and this is your way of bringing it up, the reaction may not be exactly what you want. However, if you do have intimate knowledge of a partner, and you know where they stand concerning the toy you intend to get them, well… you might be making miracles happen in the bedroom!
What if I realize a sex toy is too much, but still would like to gift something sexy?
Sometimes you want to subtly hint to someone that you wish to enhance their self-pleasure, and that’s where other sexy products can come in. These products can help you enjoy the sexier side of yourself without being too over the top.
Massage oils/candles – No, I’m not suggesting hot wax play! (Unless you’re into that!) Massage oils and candles are wonderful gifts because they are proposing intimacy without intercourse. They’re also more often associated with relaxation as opposed to sex itself.
Lubricant – Lube is the most underrated way to spice up your sex life! I’m serious. Lube can help you go harder, slower, or even feel more depending on the kind.
Bath products – When we talk about self-care, how can you not picture an indulgent candle-lit bath? Everyone loves to soak off the stress of the week with a bath bomb or bath salt.