Once you’ve decided that you want to try anal play, you need to figure out how to tell your partner. If they’ve already said that they’re into it, that conversation will probably be pretty easy. But sometimes, anal talk can work better with a little planning.

Don’t Make Anal A Surprise

The most important thing to remember is to never surprise someone with anal play. While many people love anal sex and would enjoy adding it to their sexual repertoire, not everyone does. Some people have never tried it. Some people have tried it and it didn’t work out. Some people have tried it and had discomfort or pain. Some people have had partners pressure them into it. And unfortunately, some people have experienced sexual trauma with anal play. If you just go for it without talking first, there’s a possibility that the entire experience will be a train wreck.

The best time to bring up the topic is when you aren’t having sex. If your partner isn’t into anal play, for any reason, that talk will be a lot easier when there isn’t a lot of erotic energy going on. One good way to lead up to the conversation is to say something like:

* I’m sort of curious about anal sex and I’ve been reading about it online. Is that something that you’d be interested in exploring?

* I enjoy anal play and I’m wondering if you do too?

* If you’re into it, I’d enjoy trying anal play with you.

* I’ve been fantasizing about anal sex and I would really like to experience that with you.

These are more neutral ways to introduce the topic without creating pressure.

Pleasurable anal play is all about helping the receiver relax. You can start by talking about it in a low-stakes way.

How to Talk About Anal originally appeared on Anal Play 101 presented by b-Vibe