Dear DadBodDom, My store is located in a typical college town with a customer base that’s primarily hetero-presenting college couples. This calendar year, business looks a lot different than the last few years, and I’m trying to minimize the amount of sales that are lost within my scope of control. I’m noticing cis-hetero male partners are talking their girlfriends out of buying pleasure products and talking them into lingerie. How do I help these girls see past their boyfriends’ insecurities and buy what they want? — Frustrated in Fayetteville
A: Hey, Frustrated! Honestly, I totally get why you’re feeling this way. Toxic masculinity is something I, as a TransMasc person, basically eat for breakfast. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time as a bit of a “double agent,” it’s that men who were born with penises are often conditioned to believe their penis alone is what’s needed — not just for sex, but for pretty much everything. As someone who has also owned a vulva (and I’m sure my fellow v-owners can back me up here): no, it is not.
Young cis-hetero fragility is real, but instead of just trimming the petals, we need to dig up the roots. These insecurities usually come from the belief that if a toy is involved, it’s there to replace the penis, not to enhance the experience. We have to change how we introduce toys — framing them as tools for connection and pleasure, not competition — so everyone gets the most out of it.
Follow me down the rabbit hole of role-play with our customers. Let’s help guide our vulva-owning, cis-hetero clientele toward a little strategic flattery for mutual gain, shall we?
“Listen, Chadrick, we’ve been doing the sex thing for X amount of time, and I have to say — your penis? Chef’s kiss. The balls, too. Truly delightful. I feel more comfortable and fulfilled by you than I have in ages. There are some things I’ve always wanted to try in bed but never felt safe enough to explore. How would you feel about coming with me to (insert store name), helping me pick out a toy and then using it on me? Or watching me use it on myself? Let’s live out some fantasies together!”
See what we did there? We flipped the wording, built a little context and served it up like the perfect s’more — gooey where it counts, solid where it matters.
It may sound like unusual advice, but we’re giving customers both permission and guidance to explore something beyond their comfort zone with their intimate partners. We’re creating space for excitement around sexual exploration instead of hesitation.
Sure, they can buy a vibrator without their partner’s input—but if their partner is in the store with them, imagine how much richer the experience could be by involving them in the decision, and in the adventure itself. Who knows? You might just help them unlock more than they expected, in the best possible way.