Giving yourself or your partner quicker, longer or more intense orgasms is the basis of edging. It is the practice of masturbating until you’re just about to climax, then pulling back and waiting until your arousal subsides. It is, in a sense, all about not coming.
At least, not coming immediately.
People enjoy edging for a variety of different reasons, but one of the main ones is that practicing edging can lead to better control in bed, and a more intense orgasm when you do eventually let go.
The benefits of edging
Edging involves a great deal of playing with yourself and getting to know your body. Masturbation has been shown to have numerous health benefits, and also can lead to a more satisfying sex life for both men and women.
Studies have shown, for example, that frequent masturbation can lead to an increase in levels of body confidence, or make orgasming with a partner more comfortable. In the case of men, it can also allow them better control over when they ejaculate. Indeed, edging was first conceived of as a way to treat premature ejaculation in men!
That’s reason enough alone to try edging, but there are other benefits too.
Many men and women report that the orgasms they experience after edging are more intense and pleasurable than those they experience after normal masturbation. Men often say that edging leads to a more significant amount of semen and a correspondingly longer-lasting climax.
And, finally, when in bed with a partner, edging dethrones the orgasm as the ultimate goal of sex, which can make things way more fun! When sex is patient and relaxed rather than a race to the finish, many couples report that they have a much better time. Think of edging as a slow, luxurious meal rather than a rushed snack.
How to edge
As always, when you set out to pleasure yourself, you should start by making sure that your environment is comfortable. Ensure that you’re somewhere private, and do whatever you need to do to set the mood: play some music, draw the curtains, turn the lights down, or whatever else does it for you.
Then, start touching yourself. Do this as you usually would, but make sure to pay attention to your body and the feelings that you’re experiencing. Some people like to build up the tension further when edging by only touching one part of their body, or only touching themselves with one finger — but it’s up to you to decide if this variation is for you.
When you feel like you might be close to having an orgasm, stop. Take your hands off your body, or switch off your favorite toy. Take a few deep breaths. There’s no need to try to ignore any thoughts or feelings you might be having; remember, edging is all about becoming more aware of your body. Let your mind wander.
Wait at least 30 seconds or a little longer if you still feel like you’re very close to having an orgasm. Once your level of excitement has receded a little, you can touch yourself again, and start masturbating just like before.
Again, when you feel yourself approaching orgasm, it’s time to stop and relax for a minute before starting again. You might find that you feel like you’re getting closer and close to coming with each cycle.
How long to edge for
How long you edge yourself is really up to you, but we strongly encourage you to experiment. Try bringing yourself to the edge just once before you allow yourself to come … and then try edging five or six times before you finally let go.
For many people, the more times they bring themselves to the edge before letting go, the better their final orgasm is when it comes. But everyone is different! Find what works for you.
Of course, you don’t have to make yourself come at all. Some people enjoy edging themselves and stopping entirely before they have an orgasm. They might do this for several days in a row before finally allowing themselves the release of a climax — although not many people have the patience to edge themselves in this fashion!
Orgasm variations: When you edge yourself, you might find that you experience your orgasms slightly differently than normal. Men might have an orgasm without ejaculating or ejaculate without having an orgasm. Women might experience orgasmic sensations that spread throughout the whole body or might even squirt when climaxing after a long edging session.
While these sensations might be strange and unfamiliar, they are nothing to worry about. And, when you get used to them, they can even be delightful in their own right. Who knew what your body was capable of?
Edging with a partner: Edging is something you can also enjoy with a partner, either by manually stimulating them or while having penetrative sex. The vital thing when edging with a partner is communication. No matter how well you know your significant other, it can be difficult to tell when they’re on the edge of an orgasm.
You might find it beneficial to talk to your partner as you stimulate them, or ask them to tell you how close they are to coming on a scale of one to 10. Again, it’s a case of finding something that works for you and allows you to get a clear idea of your partner’s state of arousal.
Edging and BDSM: Edging and BDSM have a long history together. As well as being a fun, kinky thing to do with a partner, some couples use edging as a way of teasing or denying one another. A dominant partner might, for example, make their submissive edge each day for a week before finally allowing them the satisfaction of an orgasm.
When it comes to BDSM, edging is more about orgasm denial than about better orgasms, but it’s nonetheless an incredibly fun and fulfilling sexual practice. Many submissive kinksters find giving over control of their orgasms to their dominant partner a real turn-on.
You don’t have to be a committed fetishist to enjoy using edging as a tool for teasing your partner though. Just remember, as with any new sexual practice, to talk over and negotiate who will do what to whom before you jump into bed.
There are lots of reasons to give edging a try: it can be beneficial for your health, improve your performance in bed, and lead to some mind-blowing orgasms. What’s not to love? The main reason to try it, though, is that it helps you get to know your body better and improves your capacity for pleasure.
Experimenting with what turns you on is something everyone should do. So whether or not you end up loving edging and practicing it often, or doing it once and then swearing off it forever, we hope you give it a try.
Understanding the What, How and Why of Edging by John Turi originally appeared in XBIZ