The clitoris and the G-spot. Between them, these two anatomical features dominate both popular discourse about sexual pleasure and the world of adult pleasure products. There are countless toys designed to stimulate the clitoris and/or G-spot, whether separately, in succession or simultaneously. The underlying assumption is that one or the other — or perhaps both together — is a “magic button,” the stimulation of which results in orgasms for bodies with a vulva.

However, not all vulvas have a visible clitoris, and not all vulva owners know where their clitoris is. Nor do some of their partners. Similarly, not everyone with a vagina can find their G-spot, let alone climax from stimulating it. In fact, some people find G-spot stimulation uncomfortable.

I’ve encountered these scenarios in my work as a certified clinical sexuality coach, and pleasure product retailers are likely to encounter them as well. So, let’s review some relevant information and figure out what all this means for pleasure products marketed for the G-spot.

What is the G-spot?

Vaginal penetration, whether with a penis or a toy, is generally not the easiest or most effective way to stimulate the clitoris — and stimulating the clitoris is the most reliable way to encourage an orgasm in people with vulvas, according to research. So it’s no surprise that mid-20th-century gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg discovered that his clients very rarely reached orgasm during intercourse.

Gräfenberg attributed this to inadequate understanding of a “urethral erotic zone” a few centimeters inside the vagina, on the belly side. This zone, he found, was comprised of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra, tissue that moved and swelled when aroused. When Rutgers University sexologist Beverley Whipple identified an area similarly located in the vagina that swelled with pleasure, she named it the “Gräfenberg spot,” later known as the G-spot.

Dr. Helen O’Connell is an Australian urologist whose 2004 doctoral thesis is arguably the most thorough piece ever written on the clitoris. O’Connell’s MRI imaging of cadavers revealed no erectile tissue in the vagina itself. Instead, she determined that the key to this so-called “spot” was two bulbs resembling flattened tulips, which hug the vaginal walls and are connected to the body of the clitoris by a root. These bulbs are comprised of spongy erectile tissue similar to the body of the clitoris and its arms, or “crura,” which sit outside the bulbs. Essentially, O’Connell demonstrated that the “clitoris versus G-spot” dichotomy is false; in fact, the two are the same.

Of course, some people are orgasmic from vaginal penetration. Two of the most plausible explanations for this, proposed over the years, are that vaginal penetration stimulates the erectile tissue Gräfenberg identified surrounding the urethra, and that vaginal penetration stimulates O’Connell’s vestibular bulbs, which extend from the head of the clitoris to the opening of the vagina. Pressure on the aroused internal clitoris, especially the bulbs, is likely responsible for the intense sensation some experience, which gave rise to the idea of a unique spot. However, O’Connell concluded that the G-spot is not a single anatomical construct or magic button, but rather a complex junction of tissues.

How to encourage G-spot orgasms

Some customers buy a G-spot toy knowing exactly how to stimulate this area on themselves (or a partner). Meanwhile, others may be less well-versed. After using the toy repeatedly, the latter can’t seem to orgasm. The comments I usually hear from this group fall into two categories: something is wrong with the toy or with me. However, it’s possible that the clitoris, external and/or internal, has not been sufficiently stimulated.

So, how can pleasure product retailers help customers with their G-spot toy experience?

Consider the following tips: First, direct the customer to a high-quality toy designed specifically for their needs and wants. For example, do they want a toy that is firm or flexible, slim or girthy, smooth or textured? Second, get them thinking of pleasure, not orgasm, as the goal. If they’re feeling frustrated about not climaxing fast enough, remind them that if they are experiencing pleasure then they are achieving their goal.

Third, ask the customer to consider if they are putting in the type and amount of effort needed. G-spot orgasm during vaginal intercourse involves patience and skill. Suggest that they take time to explore and understand their body because people vary. Research has actually found that bodies with thicker tissues in the G-spot area are more likely to experience orgasms when it is stimulated, compared with those in whom it is thinner.

Help the customer to hold realistic expectations about their goal. Orgasm is not guaranteed, whether someone is attempting to achieve it alone, with or partner or with a toy. Often, pleasure is more about what is happening in the brain than in the genitals, so encourage the customer to think about whether they have more turn-ons than turn-offs, and that this involves their internal and external states.

Sometimes, customers may need help from a sexuality or medical professional. In other cases, they may simply benefit from basic anatomical education about the G-spot as a zone and how to apply pressure there using a high-quality, purpose-designed toy. Or, you could upsell them with a toy designed to stimulate the clitoris first because it ultimately connects to the G-spot.

Finally, remind them that sexual pleasure for bodies with a vagina or clitoris does not rely on just these areas. There are many body parts and types of touch that give a person pleasure. Often, pleasure is more about what is happening in the brain than in the genitals, so encourage the customer to think about how other turn-ons and turn-offs may be affecting their mood and arousal.

How to Advise Customers on G-Spot Stimulation by Vanessa Rose originally appeared in XBIZ