Contrary to one of the many popular sexual myths that pervade our anti-sex culture, masturbation does not stop (nor should it) once you’re in a committed relationship. There’s this weird AF notion that if you masturbate in a relationship, the relationship somehow suffers. Some people even consider masturbating cheating.
This is, to be quite frank, total horseshit.
Masturbating in relationships
Masturbation is not bad nor does it damage partnerships. In fact, studies have shown that masturbating in relationships can actually increase overall libido, leading people to more frequent partnered sexual play.
Masturbation, like pretty much all consensual sex acts, has its place inside and outside of relationships. And not only does it have its place, but it can also even spice things up between the two of you. Namely, when you masturbate WITH your partner.
Here is your complete guide to mutual masturbation, why it’s awesome, and even a few fun tips.
What is mutual masturbation?
It’s hot to watch your partner get themselves off. It just is. Seeing them pleasure themselves is like your own personal porno right there in your bedroom (or wherever you do sex stuff).
You get to see exactly how they like to be touched when they touch themselves and getting to be a part of that intense ecstasy is invigorating. You might even get a few ideas for the next time you fool around together.
Mutual masturbation keeps intimacy alive
Between work, family, friends, and other life commitments, you get exhausted. Masturbation shouldn’t be a replacement for all your sexual play, but it can definitely be on the menu when you’re too tired for sex.
Having sex is extremely important to relationship health. Again, people will say it’s not the most important thing, but that does not mean it isn’t of any import.
Instead of skipping sex, try mutual masturbation. You get to be together and have orgasms without all the effort of oral sex, hand sex, or intercourse. Your partner can lick or bite your nipples, you can make out during the session; whatever feels right. If you’d rather just lie back and both do your own thing, there is nothing wrong with that. The key thing is that you’re engaging in sexual self-love with the person you love. You’re sharing your erotic space, without having sex.
Just because you’re masturbating together doesn’t mean it isn’t intimate (and hot).
Mutual masturbation with sex toys
When it comes to using toys, mutual masturbation is a fantastic opportunity to get spontaneous and adventurous.
If your partner has a prostate, try putting in a butt plug or anal beads while they move their hand up and down their shaft. This gives them dual pleasure and ups the erotic nature of the whole experience.
And don’t forget, butt toys are not gender-exclusive. Every single person can enjoy a butt plug. Try putting in a butt plug while simultaneously using a wand vibrator on the clitoris. The sensations are out of this world.
Feeling vibration around the anus, clitoral hood, and shaft ignites the entire clitoral complex, from bulbs to wings, to glans. Talk about a toe-curling sexual experience.
Don’t forget the lube
Whether you’re masturbating, having intercourse, or performing analingus – lube is an essential tool for maximum pleasure. Lube offers a barrier between your sensitive nether regions and your toys. No one needs to burn their clit off with their vibrator on a maximum setting. Hard pass, mate.
When using butt toys, lube helps you slide your toys into place. A butt hole does not expand or lubricate naturally the way a vagina does. So, lube, lube, and more lube.
Be sure you are using a water-based lubricant with your silicone toys. As much as silicone and oil-based lubes are fun and slippery, they can damage your silicone and that is not fun for anyone.
Why Mutual Masturbation is Healthy in Relationships (and How You Can Try It) by Gigi Engle originally appeared on Anal Play 101